Forwarded in plain text for Vilma - for all of you who do rescue!
Pat
--
It was originally from the Brittany list, but I have heard some of these excuses
(especially #8!) given to me by people who no longer wanted their Cardigans (or Pems,
or Dachshunds).
Kathy
*
You have reached the rescue phone. Due to the high volume of calls we have been
receiving, please listen closely to the following options and choose the one that best
describes your situation:
Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and want free medical advice.
Press 2 if you know we are a rescue organization but want to save money and have us
give you free, untrained medical advice anyway.
Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to pay to spay the "stray" in
your yard (house).
Press 4 if you have a 10-year-old Brittany and your 15-year-old son has suddenly
become allergic and you need to find the Britt a new home right away.
Press 5 if you have three Brittanys, had a baby and want to get rid of your Britts
because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and Brittanys at the same
time.
Press 6 if you have three Brittanys, had a baby and want to place the baby.
Press 7 if you have a dying Brittany and you want to place it into another home so you
can save the medical costs and not go through the trauma of watching it die.
Press 8 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old Brittany is having problems
adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.
Press 9 if your Brittany puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you
want to trade it in for a new model.
Press 10 if you are elderly and want to adopt a Brittany puppy who is not active and
is going to outlive you.
Press 11 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for their elderly
Brittany because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.
Press 12 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 80 pound,
8-year-old Brittany.
Press 13 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home today and pick up the
Brittany you no longer want.
Press 14 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last year, are
moving and suddenly determine it's not your Brittany.
Press 15 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up before I have to go
to work so you can drop a Brittany off on your way to work.
Press 16 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a
Brittany in our yard in the middle of January, which is in fact, better than just
leaving the Britt with no message.
Press 17 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take your Brittany
that you have had for fifteen years, because it is not our responsibility.
Press 18 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old Brittany to be
euthanized because I won't take it.
Press 19 if you're going to get angry because the volunteers had the audacity to go on
vacation and leave the Britts in care of a trusted volunteer who is not authorized to
take your personal pet.
Press 20 if you want one of our perfectly trained, housebroken, kid and cat friendly
purebred Brittanys that we have an abundance of.
Press 21 if you want us to take your Brittany that has a slight aggression problem,
(i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbor's cats).
Press 22 if you have already called once and been told we don't take personal
surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time with a different
answer.
Press 23 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to board your personal
Brittany while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course.
Press 24 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver an eight
week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up.
Press 25 if you want us to take your female Brittany who has already had ten litters,
but we can't spay her because she is pregnant again and it is against your religion.
Press 26 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad and take your
personal pet off your hands.
Press 27 if your two year old male Brittany is marking all over your house but you
just haven't gotten around to having him neutered.
Press 28 if you previously had an outdoor only Brittany and are calling because she is
suddenly pregnant.
Press 29 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your Britt and have had no
success but you don't want to crate the dog because it is cruel.
Press 30 if your Brittany doesn't match your new furniture and you need a different
color or breed.
And finally, press 31 if your new boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't like your Brittany
and you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next
month anyway) instead of the Brittany.
For those of you laughing or shaking your heads in disbelief, please be assured ALL of
these calls have happened, except for No. 6.
Vilm
