-Caveat Lector-
NEWS OF NIETZCHE'S DEATH CAUSES TURMOIL
===
(CNNS, 05/08/99) -- Subsequent to a report two days ago by this
news service, in which we pointed out that Friedrich Wilhelm
Nietzche, reputed philosopher, is dead, vast turmoil has erupted
throughout the world.
Millions of "well educated" persons are struggling to cope with
the news of Nietzche's death. With their anthropological deity
misconceptions and post-modern chic fashionabilities now crushed,
this has led to a new rash of angst, as shown in items below.
Since the props against their inner emptiness, founded on the
bulwark of Nietzche-ism, now lie in ruins, international
Yuppie-ism is undergoing a profound spiritual crisis. The inner
abyss of Neo-liberal thinking, now unchained by news of
Nietzche's death, is suddenly manifesting in various locales:
** When an earthquake measuring 6.5 on the Richter scale hit Iran
on Friday, killing 8 people, hollow sophisticates bravely
struggled with the news. "The truth is relative," many were
heard to say. But when, shortly thereafter, a quake measuring
6.1ontheRichterscalerockedAlaska,smug
pseudo-intellectualism crumbled. In India, hundreds of thousands
are now sleeping in the open, having deserted their homes,
"following predictions of an impending apocalypse on Saturday.
Vast majorities of people fear that their houses may collapse in
a massive earthquake now that a number of astrologers have
predicted a doomsday catastrophe." [1]
** According to a report in the Washington Post which appeared
yesterday, huge rumors are sweeping the Maryland area that
"something" will happen on May 10th. The Post, notably, nowhere
in its story provides specifics on the contagious "rumor."
"Nobody knows where the rumor came from, and nobody knows what it
means. But the vague message that 'something will happen' at a
school or schools May 10 has many local parents unnerved, police
preparing to patrol campuses and Maryland state officials even
postponing an annual standardized test." [2] Note how this story
directly follows the previous CNNS report on Nietzche's death.
** NATO pilots are flipping out following their sudden
realization that Nietzche, arguably the anti-Christ, has died.
On May 7th, now-crazed NATO pilots inexplicably turned their
bombs against a Serb hospital and a civilian market. Reuters
reports that 15 harmless Serbs are dead and 70 are wounded. [3].
Not long thereafter, NATO pilots, their inner realities crushed
by news of Nietzche's death, turned their spiritual turmoil
outward by destroying the Chinese embassy in Belgrade. And the
Chinese themselves, also experiencing a values crisis following
reports of the death of the famous reputed philosopher, reacted
with "rage and incomprehension." [4]. A special United Nations
meeting was called to deal with the erupting crisis.
In light of explosive worldwide reaction to the CNNS report of
May 6, 1999, in which this news service pointed out that Nietzche
is dead and that God is still alive, critics are appearing and
protesting that CNNS should never have emphasized the news. But
we stand by our reportage, even while we lament the subsequent
crises.
--- Notes ---
[1] "Doomsday prediction grips India." UPI, 5/7/99.
[2] "May 10 Rumors Rattle Region's Schools," by Linda Perlstein.
Washington Post, 5/7/99, Page A01.
[3] "NATO Bombs Hospital, Market, 15 Dead-Serbs," by Philippa
Fletcher. Reuters, 5/7/99.
[4] "Shocked Beijing Residents Turn On NATO Over Attack," by
Benjamin Kang Lim. Reuters, 5/8/99.
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