Re: With a little help of friends...

[coderman]

hello Cecilia,

sounds like you're dealing with atrocious people; it happens in life. i can't 
make it better, but some things which may be useful in your efforts to remain 
sane:

- keep track of antagonistic behaviors: who, what, when, where, how. this can 
help illuminate patterns in adversary tactics.

- practice sousveillance; sometimes this will escalate things, but more often 
than not it is a useful exercise, showing those in power that truth is 
irrevocable; powerful. build your own ground truth. 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sousveillance

- find supportive communities. many activism camps have decades of experience 
dealing with adversity in all facets of life. it helps to know others have gone 
through similar trials, and the coping mechanisms they've developed may help 
you too. unfortunately cypherpunks is not a good community in this sense - too 
disperse, too adversarial, too punkish ;)

- don't react with violence out of anger. a common technique is to push you 
toward outbursts and violence. if you give in, they win. it's cheap and dirty 
tactics, but often effective. find an outlet for all of the stress, anxiety, 
depression that comes your way.

good luck! remember: this too will pass...

best regards, :)

Re: With a little help of friends...

[Cecilia Tanaka]

It is still true, but it will end soon.



So, for now, I will try to be happy, with or without enemies, with or
without crazy stalkers, with or without pain and fear...  It is being
alive, correct?  ;)

Tender kisses and much love,

Ceci

PS:  - Sorry for top posting, Gramps and all the old nettiquete followers!
:P


On Sat, Feb 6, 2021, 11:08 Cecilia Tanaka  wrote:

Sorry, Mr. Young.  It is true, I do swear.
>
> --
> Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
> Hackerspace.  <3
> --
> "Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
> curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
> you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison
>

Cointelpro was Re: With a little help of friends...

[Karl]

I don't have the capacity to read this whole booklet, but wanted to
add this bit:

On 2/6/21, John Young  wrote:
> https://cryptome.org/2012/07/gent-forum-spies.htm

One quote:
> In some situations, to get control, the agent will tell the activist:
>
> "You're dividing the movement."

The booklet goes on to describe the psychological impact of this.

But the people saying that haven't thought about the psychological
impact.  They are simply copying the expression from things activists
have said to them, to regain control of the situation.

This is incredibly common, the simple copying of expressions and
saying them back to activists.  It is seen on both a small scale and a
large scale, and is in many parts of our living, decades-long history.

For example, targeted individuals are sensitized towards "street
theater", where agents of cointelpro and similar efforts are
orchestrated to play out something that the targeted individual is
frightened of, right in front of them (a tactic visible extensively on
this list).  Targets distribute literature among peers warning of this
tactic.  Meanwhile, "street theater" originated as a way for activists
without funds to put on shows that would discuss the issues that
weren't reaching media, and is still used to this day by activists.
The copying of the behavior and term disconnected activists from each
other, in a very extensive way.  A side effect is that the activists
have some idea of what kinds of things the CEOs they target
experience: but their idea is amplified to the point of torture, life
destruction, and terror, permanently keeping them from engaging in the
tactics themselves.

This is the same effect caused on a small scale in the activist
communities described in the booklet, where people stop saying "you're
dividing the movement", because it is what the disruptors are saying,
to further divide the movement.

Other examples abound.

Re: With a little help of friends...

[Karl]

Cecilia, how are things going in your emotional life?

Have you snugglehugged anyone you like recently?

Have you seen the ocean, read any good books or comics, heard any
wonderful music, or seen any other beautiful or cool things, like
storms or fire or anime?

Here is a joke: A stressed person walked into a bar.  Luckily the long
rectangular bar was made of fluffy pillows!  They relaxed into the
fluffy pillows.  It's a pun on 'bar' =)

I am living with my parents right now and they buy fruit and keep a
fruit bowl stocked.  My mother loves flowers and has many around the
house, which she diligently waters.  Most of her flowers are gifts
from friends.  I have a niece and nephew and their photographs are
posted up.  It is their birthday around near.  They are both just
children.

Have you seen the stars or the moon recently?  I used to love to sleep
so that I would see them when I opened my eyes.  It means risking
getting wet or chilly as the weather turns, but it is so beautiful and
comforting.

Where have you traveled to recently?  Are you staying somewhere you've
visited in the past?  Is there anywhere you haven't been recently
you'd love to go?

Something that has helped me a lot is breathing with my body.  I
breath in as I move in, then breathe out as I move out, and I can
actually walk this way, in slow, deep steps, and move this way too:
breathing in as I reach for something, breathing out as I touch it ...
It can be very hard when stressed, but is always doable.

Do you have a way to be alone where you are?  Are you finding any
kinds of peace?

I didn't finish writing this; below are remaining notes; a quote from
cecilia to this list from some time ago.
---

I fall in love all the days.  A puppy asking to play, a kitten
purring, a new colorful flower, an interesting book, sweet people,
kids playing, lovely songs, a comfortable tree...  I like to hide
myself in trees for reading and eating their fruits, hahaha!!!  ;D

I love potable water, ear plugs, sleep masks, taking baths and
showers, and all the lovely smells.  I also love my teddy bear.  He
was my Christmas gift when I was 5 years old and he still sleeps with
me.


On 2/6/21, Cecilia Tanaka  wrote:
> Sorry, Mr. Young.  It is true, I do swear.
>
> --
> Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
> Hackerspace.  <3
> --
> "Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
> curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
> you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison
>
>
> On Sat, Feb 6, 2021, 10:48 John Young  wrote:
>
>> Stick around, there have been onslaughts of repugnant creeps and geeks
>> and
>> misfits since cpunks beginning. They dump their shit then move on, a few
>> come back with even stinkier droppings. Set your filter to trash,
>> spamblock, kill the motherfuckers, well, not the last, that is the kind
>> of
>> narcissistic compliment they most beg for. Courtesy enrages and
>> disempowers
>> them, so keep that up.
>>
>> A guide to the self-pleasuring, circle-jerking pseudonymous-needy
>> bullies:
>>
>> https://cryptome.org/2012/07/gent-forum-spies.htm
>>
>>
>>
>>
>

Re: With a little help of friends...

[Cecilia Tanaka]

Sorry, Mr. Young.  It is true, I do swear.

--
Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
Hackerspace.  <3
--
"Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison


On Sat, Feb 6, 2021, 10:48 John Young  wrote:

> Stick around, there have been onslaughts of repugnant creeps and geeks and
> misfits since cpunks beginning. They dump their shit then move on, a few
> come back with even stinkier droppings. Set your filter to trash,
> spamblock, kill the motherfuckers, well, not the last, that is the kind of
> narcissistic compliment they most beg for. Courtesy enrages and disempowers
> them, so keep that up.
>
> A guide to the self-pleasuring, circle-jerking pseudonymous-needy bullies:
>
> https://cryptome.org/2012/07/gent-forum-spies.htm
>
>
>
>

Re: With a little help of friends...

[John Young]

Stick around, there have been onslaughts of 
repugnant creeps and geeks and misfits since 
cpunks beginning. They dump their shit then move 
on, a few come back with even stinkier droppings. 
Set your filter to trash, spamblock, kill the 
motherfuckers, well, not the last, that is the 
kind of narcissistic compliment they most beg 
for. Courtesy enrages and disempowers them, so keep that up.


A guide to the self-pleasuring, circle-jerking pseudonymous-needy bullies:

https://cryptome.org/2012/07/gent-forum-spies.htm



At 08:30 AM 2/6/2021, Cecilia Tanaka wrote:
Still alive.  Thanks until the end, now or 
never. My kind of stalkers are not good people. 
I am convinced of their guilty.  Killers, torturers.



Please, save my beloved ones.   I know you all are much better than me.Â

Many thanks.  If the worse happens, it was a 
honor and a happiness to meet you all, virtually 
or in person.  Always will love you.  The world is not so big.Â

Re: With a little help of friends...

[Cecilia Tanaka]

Still alive.  Thanks until the end, now or never. My kind of stalkers are
not good people. I am convinced of their guilty.  Killers, torturers.

>
Please, save my beloved ones.   I know you all are much better than me.

Many thanks.  If the worse happens, it was a honor and a happiness to meet
you all, virtually or in person.  Always will love you.  The world is not
so big.

Re: With a little help of friends...

[Cecilia Tanaka]

Save my parents and my beloved ones, please

It's really derious

--
Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
Hackerspace.  <3
--
"Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison

On Sat, Feb 6, 2021, 02:02 Cecilia Tanaka  wrote:

> I don't want to become like them and my destiny was already chosen.  Not
> by myself, certainly.
>
> I am dying right now because my vital signs are really fucked
>
> --
> Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
> Hackerspace.  <3
> --
> "Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
> curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
> you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison
>
> On Sat, Feb 6, 2021, 01:57 Cecilia Tanaka 
> wrote:
>
>> Wow, they had fear...  Now I am not a so shitty person, even when they
>> call me a sexual predator, a liar, a stupid person, a white and worse
>> things...
>>
>> Amazing, they just want want to take my life away, my parents' lives, my
>> friends' lives...  I cannot trust them and
>>
>> --
>> Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
>> Hackerspace.  <3
>> --
>> "Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
>> curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
>> you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison
>>
>> On Sat, Feb 6, 2021, 01:32 Cecilia Tanaka 
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Help, please?  I will be considered a kind of "new Jake" much soon and
>>> after the lies, they also want my death.  Sorry, I love to be alive.  I do
>>> fucking love it.  I do exist and I am who I am, not a fiction.
>>>
>>> They want to break my family's heart, my friends' hearts.  Shit, I am
>>> not the best person in this world but I really tried "loving, caring,
>>> sharing, being excellent."
>>>
>>> I promised never to kill people.  Never.  I do not want to change this,
>>> but I do want to protect my beloved ones.  I am a coding fracass and had
>>> the confirmation in the last days.  It is disgusting to notice I was really
>>> thinking two horrible things:  kill people and/or become cold stones of
>>> ice, without no heart, no compassion.
>>>
>>> I can _not_ want to become like them.  Please, just need help for
>>> keeping me alive and sane.  I will never to kill anyone, even myself.
>>> Sorry, if they want my life, they will need to take it in person.  I am
>>> wasted and will live, but some of my beloved ones will _not_ survive to a
>>> fucking disgusting scandal.  My parents, all the people that I wanted to
>>> protect and I will hurt.
>>>
>>> Please, help.  Sincere excuses for my broken heart.  Jake, I need you,
>>> sorry for asking it.
>>>
>>> --
>>> Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
>>> Hackerspace.  <3
>>> --
>>> "Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
>>> curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
>>> you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison
>>>
>>

Re: With a little help of friends...

[Cecilia Tanaka]

I don't want to become like them and my destiny was already chosen.  Not by
myself, certainly.

I am dying right now because my vital signs are really fucked

--
Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
Hackerspace.  <3
--
"Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison

On Sat, Feb 6, 2021, 01:57 Cecilia Tanaka  wrote:

> Wow, they had fear...  Now I am not a so shitty person, even when they
> call me a sexual predator, a liar, a stupid person, a white and worse
> things...
>
> Amazing, they just want want to take my life away, my parents' lives, my
> friends' lives...  I cannot trust them and
>
> --
> Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
> Hackerspace.  <3
> --
> "Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
> curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
> you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison
>
> On Sat, Feb 6, 2021, 01:32 Cecilia Tanaka 
> wrote:
>
>> Help, please?  I will be considered a kind of "new Jake" much soon and
>> after the lies, they also want my death.  Sorry, I love to be alive.  I do
>> fucking love it.  I do exist and I am who I am, not a fiction.
>>
>> They want to break my family's heart, my friends' hearts.  Shit, I am not
>> the best person in this world but I really tried "loving, caring, sharing,
>> being excellent."
>>
>> I promised never to kill people.  Never.  I do not want to change this,
>> but I do want to protect my beloved ones.  I am a coding fracass and had
>> the confirmation in the last days.  It is disgusting to notice I was really
>> thinking two horrible things:  kill people and/or become cold stones of
>> ice, without no heart, no compassion.
>>
>> I can _not_ want to become like them.  Please, just need help for keeping
>> me alive and sane.  I will never to kill anyone, even myself.  Sorry, if
>> they want my life, they will need to take it in person.  I am wasted and
>> will live, but some of my beloved ones will _not_ survive to a fucking
>> disgusting scandal.  My parents, all the people that I wanted to protect
>> and I will hurt.
>>
>> Please, help.  Sincere excuses for my broken heart.  Jake, I need you,
>> sorry for asking it.
>>
>> --
>> Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
>> Hackerspace.  <3
>> --
>> "Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
>> curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
>> you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison
>>
>

Re: With a little help of friends...

[Cecilia Tanaka]

Wow, they had fear...  Now I am not a so shitty person, even when they call
me a sexual predator, a liar, a stupid person, a white and worse things...

Amazing, they just want want to take my life away, my parents' lives, my
friends' lives...  I cannot trust them and

--
Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
Hackerspace.  <3
--
"Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison

On Sat, Feb 6, 2021, 01:32 Cecilia Tanaka  wrote:

> Help, please?  I will be considered a kind of "new Jake" much soon and
> after the lies, they also want my death.  Sorry, I love to be alive.  I do
> fucking love it.  I do exist and I am who I am, not a fiction.
>
> They want to break my family's heart, my friends' hearts.  Shit, I am not
> the best person in this world but I really tried "loving, caring, sharing,
> being excellent."
>
> I promised never to kill people.  Never.  I do not want to change this,
> but I do want to protect my beloved ones.  I am a coding fracass and had
> the confirmation in the last days.  It is disgusting to notice I was really
> thinking two horrible things:  kill people and/or become cold stones of
> ice, without no heart, no compassion.
>
> I can _not_ want to become like them.  Please, just need help for keeping
> me alive and sane.  I will never to kill anyone, even myself.  Sorry, if
> they want my life, they will need to take it in person.  I am wasted and
> will live, but some of my beloved ones will _not_ survive to a fucking
> disgusting scandal.  My parents, all the people that I wanted to protect
> and I will hurt.
>
> Please, help.  Sincere excuses for my broken heart.  Jake, I need you,
> sorry for asking it.
>
> --
> Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
> Hackerspace.  <3
> --
> "Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
> curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
> you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison
>

With a little help of friends...

[Cecilia Tanaka]

Help, please?  I will be considered a kind of "new Jake" much soon and
after the lies, they also want my death.  Sorry, I love to be alive.  I do
fucking love it.  I do exist and I am who I am, not a fiction.

They want to break my family's heart, my friends' hearts.  Shit, I am not
the best person in this world but I really tried "loving, caring, sharing,
being excellent."

I promised never to kill people.  Never.  I do not want to change this, but
I do want to protect my beloved ones.  I am a coding fracass and had the
confirmation in the last days.  It is disgusting to notice I was really
thinking two horrible things:  kill people and/or become cold stones of
ice, without no heart, no compassion.

I can _not_ want to become like them.  Please, just need help for keeping
me alive and sane.  I will never to kill anyone, even myself.  Sorry, if
they want my life, they will need to take it in person.  I am wasted and
will live, but some of my beloved ones will _not_ survive to a fucking
disgusting scandal.  My parents, all the people that I wanted to protect
and I will hurt.

Please, help.  Sincere excuses for my broken heart.  Jake, I need you,
sorry for asking it.

--
Loving.  Caring.  Sharing.  Being Excellent To Each Other And To Our
Hackerspace.  <3
--
"Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your
curiosity.  It's your place in the world; it's your life.  Go on and do all
you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."  -  Mae Jemison