Finally, an answer to "why *you* are here" :)
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From: turquoiseb <no_re...@yahoogroups.com>
To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Saturday, June 9, 2012 8:58 AM
Subject: [FairfieldLife] How To Help A Fellow Seeker Avoid Selflessness
As all successful Blissninnies® and certified New Age® practitioners know, the
New Age (no registered mark...the concept this time, not the corporation) is
upon us, and those of us fortunate enough to be on the planet at this time are
about to rise in Ascension to Awakening, Enlightenment, Newageitude®, or
whatever you and your cult of choice call it.
While this is all Ordained By God, and is gonna happen no matter what we puny
humans do, the transition between ignorance and Newageitude® can be at times a
rough one. As more and more of your ego -- or in New Age® terms, self -- fades
away and you merge with your eternal Self, it is normal for the seeker (soon to
be finder) to experience some discomfort, even panic. "Oh no," they think, "my
self seems to going away. Who will I *be* in this coming New Age if I'm not
*me*?" This feeling of distress -- sometimes called The Dark Night Of The Soul
-- can be a real bitch to deal with.
Our proposed solution, here at New Age® Inc., is to assist our fellow seekers
by helping them to PUT OFF selflessness as long as humanly possible, and thus
avoid Premature Ascension®. It's gonna happen anyway, right? So why rush
things? Hang onto that self as long as you possibly can. Don't "lose" the ego,
*strengthen* it...help it to grow stronger, and larger, and squeeze every last
drop of pleasure out of self before it dissolves into Self. And help others to
do the same.
Here are a few things you can do for your fellow seekers, as you encounter them
in person or on the Internet, to help them cling to their selves for as long as
they can, and thus put off Newageitude® until it's forced upon them by God.
* Argue with them. About pretty much anything. Allow them to keep the
arguments going as long as they want. This works like a charm. What, after all,
can believe in something or feel they're "right" about something strongly
enough to defend it or argue about it? Only a self. The Self just doesn't go
there. So the more often you allow a self to argue about the things it believes
and the things it thinks it's "right" about, the stronger and more entrenched
that self becomes.
* Take them seriously. Especially if others are laughing at them. Even
more especially if they have a history of getting upset *when* people laugh at
them. The laughers are trying to remind them that they're stuck in the self,
and should Lighten The Fuck Up. That is the *last* thing a
circling-the-drain-of-selflessness self wants to hear. It wants to be taken
*seriously*, as if it really exists.
* Flatter them. The self just *lives* for flattery. Compliment a self
for something it believes about its...uh...self, and it's happy as a pig in
shit. Compliment their writing, or the precise way their mind works when
they're arguing with someone and just devastated them with one of their
uber-digs, and that self will puff up its...uh...self bigger than a Macy's
Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.
* Tell them how special they are. This is a corollary to the "flatter
them" technique, but deserves its own bullet point. *Nothing* puffs up a self
and enables it to cling to the myth of its own existence more than being told
how "special" that self is. So tell the selves you run into how *amazing* they
are, and how fortunate they are to be part of the <insert name of cult here>
organization, which is composed of the few people on the planet who Know The
Truth®. No self that believes it's "special" has ever -- in the entire course
of human history -- slipped into Self.
* Help them denounce their enemies. It really doesn't *matter* if you
hate the people the people you're trying to help hate. All that is important is
that you "pile on" whenever the self you're trying to help dumps on them, to
help them feel that their obsession with the "enemy" is actually important, and
valid, and not just the product of an ordinary bruised ego. Remember the
ancient adage, "The archenemy of the Self is the self that still believes in
'enemies'."
* Join their cliques. If the self you're trying to help cling to
its...uh...self tends to cling to other selves, cling to them, too. Join their
clique, and help them *all* keep a firm grasp on their selves, so that they
don't dissolve into Self.
* Feed their delusions. If the self you're trying to help believes it's
highly evolved, echo back to them that they're highly evolved. If that self
believes that it's Santa Claus, *tell* them they're Santa Claus. The Self
cannot have delusions, only a self can.
* Applaud their unacceptable behavior. If the self you're trying to
help tends to "act out" their distress at feeling their egos slipping away from
them, *praise* that acting-out behavior. It doesn't matter how socially
unacceptable or even illegal the behavior is...if believing it's appropriate
helps the seeker to cling to their self, you've done them a favor. Use these
techniques as often as you can. Help a fellow self avoid the distress of
Premature Ascension® by helping them to hang on to the self the way an anal
retentive hangs on to shit. Help them develop the sphincter muscles of the
soul, and thus avoid the Dark Night of it.
