As many of you know, European Union immigration and visa procedures have been criticized in the past as being cum- bersome, discriminatory, vague, and a nightmare of bureau- cracy run wild. We have tried to fix this problem the old-fashioned way, by throwing additional bureaucrats at it, but that seems only to made the problem worse.
So we have decided to take one of the countries applying for future membership in the EU up on its kind offer of solving the problem for us, in exchange for the promise of full EU membership during our next full Parliamentary session. Iceland, the soon-to-be EU member, has kindly fired up one of its many volcanoes, effectively sealing off Europe from the rest of the world, and allowing us to announce our new immigration and visa policy. It is short, simple, and without ambiguity -- the exact thing that critics of the old policy have been screaming for: "If you're here in Europe now, you get to stay. In fact, if you're here now you pretty much *have* to stay, unless you can find a boat somewhere. If you're not here now, you ain't coming, even for a visit. End of story. If you have any problems with this, take it up with the volcano."
