Jenna,
Your story about beautiful Satine made me cry. I mean this in a good way.
Thanks for sharing.
:)
Wendy
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the
world - indeed it is the only thing that ever has!" ~~~ Margaret Meade ~~~
----- Original Message ----
From: Jenna <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org
Cc: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Friday, August 24, 2007 1:49:04 PM
Subject: Re: Typical course of a dying FELV kitty? long letter- sorry but
please indulge
im so sorry beckie- i will keep you and moeman in my prayers.
It feels odd to write about this now as my husband and i were crying
remembering our beloved siamese calico lady. This is my experience and I hope
it helps you.
My baby died at home. That was important to me, and i wanted it that way though
my husband was very caucious about it. I wanted her to be comfortable and not
with people she was afraid of and being stressed out. I have seen people go
kicking and screaming and while in trauma that might be more beneficial, in the
case of terminal illness it makes it harder. So after that experience (this was
with my grandmother) I told myself that if this happened with my animals- i
wanted it to be gentle and peaceful. There is a line from the nbc show Heros
where Peter the hospice nurse says, "death can be beautiful, if you let it be."
Though most may reject this statement because it is not something most want to
think about, I can say that I do agree with it. It doesn't make it hurt less,
but it made it easier for me to deal with.
She stopped eating, and slept all the time. She didn't purr and did not want to
be held. In her prime she was very talkative and loved being held and paraded
around our apartment. Eventually she stopped her toilet activiites- which
actually was a relief because she had a lot of blood (stool was a dark tar
color) in it and that was very tough. I started having a feeling that it was
going to be on sunday because i started getting a song in my head about a
relationship ending that is from Aspects of love by Andrew Lloyd Weber. The
song is "Tell me on a sunday."
"Don't write a letter when you want to leave
Don't call me at 3 a.m. from a friend's apartment
I'd like to choose how I hear the news
Take me to a park that's covered with trees
Tell me on a Sunday please
Don't leave in silence with no word at all
Don't get drunk and slam the door
That's no way to end this
I know how I want you to say goodbye
Find a circus ring with a flying trapeze
Tell me on a Sunday please"
That day - on sunday- she was in the bathroom and she was breating very heavy.
Her eyes were very diated. I bent down around her and sang her Complainte De La
Butte from Moulin Rouge. For the first time all weekend she raised her head
and looked at me. She purred so loud. I told her I loved her and if she wanted
to go it was okay. I got a feeling that she understood.
The song goes:
"Petite mandigotte je sens ta menotte qui cherche ma main
Je sens ta poitrine et ta taille fine
J'oublie mon chagrin
Je sens sur tes lèvres une odeur de fièvre de gosse mal nourri
Et sous ta caresse je sens une ivresse qui m'anéantit
The stairways up to la butte can make the wretched sigh
while windmill wings of the moulin shelter you and I"
I sang to her for about 15 minutes and pet her, even though I could feel each
vertebrate of her little back bone. She did not shy away that time.
I went back to the living room and laid down, but didnt' sleep. It was
exhausting. My husband went into the bathroom and stayed a long time. I knew he
was talking with her. When he was done, I could see he had been crying.
When i woke up I sat at my computer. About 20 minutes later my dog, Carmel got
very whiney and would not settle down. She was upset about something. I went
into the bathroom and found that satine had passed. She was stretched out like
she would when she was comfortable and when I said kitty and shook her she
didn't move.
I went out side and told my husband she was gone. He said he knew that he
talked with her. He told her that she was surrounded by love and she would
always be loved. He said she picked her head up and meowed at him. He said he
thinks she knew what he was saying and that she was waiting for him to be okay
before she left. I agree with this. He hugged each other and cried a long time.
I had put her carrier together before hand in preperation for when I would need
it. I picked her up to put her in it. Her body was totally slack and her head
fell all the way back like a rag doll when I picked her up. (I'm telling you
this so you can be ready for it)I held her to my chest and cried- no wept -
over her- and i cried hard- for a long time.
I put her in the carrier and covered the front of it with a towel. My husband
called the vet and said that she had passed. We took her to the vet and picked
out an urn for her and left her there to pick her up again when we got her
ashes.
That night I could not relax to sleep. Eventually I felt (and you may think me
crazy) her presence in the room. I felt a warmth on my chest where she would
lay all the time. Only then was I able to sleep. I tell you about it because I
do believe that all those living have souls and we can call upon them when we
need. And not in a distant way like they are far off in heaven but that they
are they present around us all the time. The Other reason I tell you that last
part is because I had her visit me again last night and I didn't know why. When
I read your email, I knew I had to write you about what happened.
I don't know if any of this helped, but I hope it does. I cried alot when i
wrote this, but I wanted to share my experience with you and hope it helps.
"It is okay to grieve- not all tears are evil"- JRR Tolkien.
Bless you and Moe.----
Jenna
Beckie McRae <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
I think the Moeman is dying.
I’m just trying to keep him comfortable as possible now. No more pokes and
prods, etc. He’s content I think. I’m just wondering if you guys could tell
me the typical course of dying for a FELV cat? Will he just get weaker and
weaker like he has been?
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