g_b Were all in the closet, too
Columnist We're all in the closet, too Gay activists have long pointed to the union of Vishnu and Shiva producing a son (known as Ayyappan or Hari-Hara) as proof of the acceptance of homosexual unions in Hindui Wider Angle | S.Mitra Kalita Earlier this week, on the day that three Indian cities held gay pride parades, one of my best friends in Delhi flirted with a fellow young man by email, easy banter back and forth. And then came the question asking exactly what they would do if they were to meet later that evening. No sex, my friend said. Not so soon. No thanks, came the sudden reply. Not interested. In rushing to accept alternative lifestyles, we have forgotten the most important first step for all: sexual awareness The timing struck me as ironic. This friend happens to be staying with me for the next few weeks, and as we discussed, a few nights later, the realities of gay life in India, he scoffed. I'll show you the reality, he said. Look here. And he logged me into his account on the Indian website of Guys4Men.com, a global matchmaking service with a domain name that sums up its mission. He left the room and allowed me unfettered access to the site hosting thousands of men across India, seeking company, fulfilling desires, even charging money for their services. Many users live double lives, attached to wives and children, mothers and fathers; those not on their own made clear that just as important as sex was a private place to have it. The not so fortunate strategized places to fondle, grope, copulate, in parks and gardens, monuments and metro cars. ...my charge is 400/- Rs. only, wrote one. I thought that was a joke. My friend assured me it was a cheap rate. Most of the other things I read are unprintable here, but overall they exemplified the sexual repression that defines India at its worst. I wondered how many of these people turned up at the parades on Sunday. One woman who did march in New Delhi's first-ever gay parade told The Washington Post: Today, young Indians are economically independent they have access to information and they have their own sexual preferences. They don't always want to be married off at a young age. This parade is a sign of modernity. Yet in reality, we seem nowhere near modernity when it comes to sexuality. Even as I laud parades and non-discriminatory policies at multinational companies, in India's efforts to leapfrog into acceptance of alternative lifestyles allegedly prevalent in the West, somehow we have forgotten the most important, more universal first step sexual awareness and liberation. Until that is achieved, those who define themselves as gay and those who don't quite define themselves as anything will remain confined to fantasy and fetish, lost among the lost. It is a most dangerous place, a repression manifested as crudeness. It wasn't always this way. Gay activists have long pointed to the union of Vishnu and Shiva producing a son (known as Ayyappan or Hari- Hara) as proof of the acceptance of homosexual unions in Hinduism. And the 15th century Krittivasi Ramayan describes children of two wombs born to two women. Once upon a time, men wore earrings and make-up, and spent as much time on their hair as women. While notions changed internally, the arrival of Victorian morality resulted in a true clash of civilizations and attitudes. Stories abound about ways the Brits took effeminate men and toughened them up. And yet, Indian sexuality still carries murky remnants. Truck drivers have sex with each other but we clinically call them men who have sex with men, not homosexuals or gays. New entrants to engineering college hold hands (and then some) in their first weeks away from home. And who doesn't have an uncle still hanging onto the pink sweater vests and floral shirts, even as they have likely never heard the term metrosexual? How to explain this nation moving from the sexually free, explicit and comfortable (or perhaps that's all nostalgic bunk, too) to this new state of inhibition, admonition and deceit? Much of modern sexual behaviour is dangerous and the result of a lack of awareness. Sex education is one start, for sure. So, too, is the growth of organizations allowing gay people across urban India to meet each other on non-sexual terms. Not a bad idea, too, for their straight counterparts. Preferably, it would be some place between the park bench and Shaadi.com, one that doesn't offend but allows safe exploration, most importantly of self. The same night we dissected his love life, I asked my friend what the solution might be. The gay pride parade feels passe in a country where being gay hasn't even been accepted, he told me, even as he said he supports the idea. I think we should jump right into the post-gay movement. By that, he explained, he means sexual preference not being at the core of one's identity. Along the same lines, the penal code
g_b Fw: [Khush] news coverage on lesbians in India--call for action!
sonali has a pretty point below .. i wud support this n hence fwing it on these lists also so garner as much support as possible Manoj --- On Thu, 3/7/08, desidyke [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: From: desidyke [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: [Khush] news coverage on lesbians in India--call for action! To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Date: Thursday, 3 July, 2008, 10:08 PM apologies to non-hindi speakers. I could translate this youtube conversation in english but so much gets lost. but i will...i promise...soon. meanwhile all ya hindi speakers/ understanders can click on this... http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=6etmB0ckVXo I think it's high time we forced media reporters to face the mirror, coz they need to see how ridiculous they sound. There is absolutely no sensitivity towards families who have lost a loved one. Instead of respecting families and giving them the time and space to grieve and work out their personal struggles, news reporters feel that they can just barge in and start a social commentary on their lives. No one seems to be interested in child custody battles when it takes place in the lives of heterosexual couples. And even if they were to cover some celebrity's life and make sensational news out of a child custody dispute, they would probably seek out the opinion of a child psychiatrist, or a family court lawyer or judge, or someone who is an expert on relationships and children's mental health. But since this is about a lesbian couple (who are being reported within the framework of heterosexual paradigms btw..who knows how much of this is true), this reporter thought it was okay to ask just about any lesbian about participating in a talk show and share what she thinks as far as who should have custody of this child. Hey! as long as she's a lesbian and can speak...who the hell cares about the family, the issue or the child! I think this one extends beyond a lesbian issue...it is about basic respect for human beings...in letting people do what they need to do with their lives, instead of creating talk shows and public opinion polls about people's lives. It is sick! This attempt to do this show is in such bad taste! On the one hand there's this IBN7 reporter (whose conversation is on youtube) and then on the other hand there is the Times of India (a national daily in India) that took a really positive stance in today's newspaper. There's a huge article that claims that Delhi is no longer homophobic (right! coz 1000 of us walked through the streets without any backlash). Even though it makes such broad generalizations and assumptions, there is a little box at the bottom of the article which is titled TIMES VIEW and it reads (and I'll only quote the part that is relevant): the fact that members of the gay community as well as people who support individual freedom turned up in large numbers for the parade is not only an indication of Delhi's evolving cosmopolitan and inclusive nature, it is also a reminder of the irrelevance of the existing legal position on the issue. Discriminatory laws that continue to impact an individual's private life (which in any case is no concern of the state), that too without public sentiment to back them, have no place in a democracy. Neither do social prejudices. I think this is pretty brave stance on the part of TOI and totally awesome in light of the 377 hearing going on in the High Court right now. My guess is that there is going to be a lot of backlash against this article by those who vehemently disagree with the broad generalizations as well as those who are homophobic. I'm including some responses online by readers from June 30th's coverage by TOI to give you a sense of what might be the response in tomorrow's paper. (See below) So, here's what I'm proposing... that we all write to TOI and tell them that it's amazing that they are taking this position and we can provide counter arguments to these comments below. what say y'all? Letters to the editor of TOI should be written to the following email address: mytimesmyvoice@ timesgroup. com with Editor Delhi in the subject line. Our work has only just begun...let' s get our voices heard through mass emails. Let's tell everyone on every queer listserve to write. Let's be pre-emptive and have TOI write an article tomorrow quoting US in place of the responses below: Responses by readers to TOI's coverage on June 30th (caution--will make your blood boil): These are the signs of total disaster to Nature, India and laws of nature. Gay (men sleeping with men) is against what nature have made opposite sex for. This is total crazyness and nothing else. Attraction to same sex is un-natural even among the animals...and I think humans are soon going to extinct from this planet; these are the signs of initial slience before tempest. This is probably an unnatural way to balance population!! Ask a gay person that if he or she had a child, would he or she like
