[QUAD-L] In response to the guy whose wife cheated on him and stuff...
Hiya Kaye! Welcome to Da Group I've waited to post an answer to your posting as I read it and re-read it several times. You did good. You done good. You did what was good for you and I'm sure that by now you've realized that some of the early info provided to you after your trauma was wrong and misguided. People like you make excellent contacts with individuals and families that have experienced similar trauma. Those first few hours and months can really make a difference when your head is on straight, but ofcourse, when your wearing a traction brace, your head has no other place to go. (lol) What college did you graduate from and what was your major? W In a message dated 7/29/05 9:36:51 PM, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: Don't hang out with people that are screwed up and thus good company (the whole misery loves company trap). And don't be a captive audience for too much of people's crap. Actually, that's what I have to still tell myself! Btw, I'm not saying all this because my life is cake right now. It ebbs and flows. You'll see that many people have it worse off than you do and many of them are able bodied. Keep your head up, bro! Hugs, Kaye
Re: [QUAD-L] in response to the guy whose wife cheated on him and stuff...
Really good post Kaye, Your one smart cookie! Would love to meet you and talk face to face. Silas - Original Message - From: kaye allard To: quad-list@eskimo.com Sent: Friday, July 29, 2005 7:35 PM Subject: [QUAD-L] in response to the guy whose wife cheated on him and stuff... I have deleted the original request for input on quaddom, and people's strange ways. Un/fortunately, whichever way you look at it, we have been put in quite the observance deck when it comes to watching people and how they respond to a huge phenomena like a spinal cord injury. Not that we're stuck in observation. We are dealing with a rollercoaster inside of ourselves and watching the circus outside. I was injured 13 years ago, when I was 16. My boyfriend was racing someone while I was asleep in the passenger's seat. And well, you know, lots of blood and broken stuff. He died 5 days later. Then I went in for rehab for three months. I was defensive of him because he was dead and my parents hated him and I figured he probably wouldn't have been proud of what happened to me. I was also defensive of my morality or whatever because the incident occurred while I was being dropped of from having snuck out of the house to spent the night with him (a guy 2 years older, for shame!). And my huge family is Catholic on both sides. People at church were whispering. Then I found out my boyfriend had been sleeping with my arch enemy. Ouch! Then the deacon at our church says to a close friend that the accident happened because I was having premarital sex. Huh.After all that happened that's one thing that really stuck with me for obvious reasons, but I'll point them out. If there's a God, I don't think God punishes people. Otherwise everyone in my confirmation class would also have been struck down. What the hell does an accident have to do with morality? And someone else's, at that. I didn't believe that crap for a nanosecond. That was such an injust thought, that I could have been to blame for such a horrific thing. I went back to school and I had new friends because some people were comfortable being with me, a couple really stuck by me, and the others just got weird. But human nature being as it is, I guess I can't exactly blame them for not knowing what to do.Then I go to college, meet cool people, experiment with anything I could, and learn more about how to deal with my body and other people. Now, I look at my life and feel like I'm watching a movie sometimes. I mean, the things people do and say, the way everything has turned out, the things I've done and said...I just shake my head and laugh.I am sometimes flabbergasted when I think about the relationships that have developed from having to have someone help with my care. I mean, who in their right mind would want to be my friend after being so up close and personal with my shit? It happens. And although my physical state has been a magnet for some serious freaks, I've made some beautiful friendships. I mean, f*%k, I've even broken a couple hearts (unintentionally, I'm really nice). And soon after my injury I thought I would never have sex or a relationship again. I wasn't interested and was so sure no one else was.So much life has happened since then. The same kind of stuff that happens to other people, and then there's this whole other dimention we have to deal with. It's just weird.I'm not sure I have a point other than encouragement. You know, perseverance and open mindedness, that kind of thing. Deep breaths. Humor. Find out what you want to do and don't let people rent space in your head.The drug and alcohol thing doesn't really help long term, but you know this. Those pain pills will getchya! I don't know what you're into but when I was smoking a lot of pot and eating a lot it was difficult to figure out what was going on with my body. And pills and alcohol just help me be depressed and constipated and stuck mentally.Don't hang out with people that are screwed up and thus good company (the whole misery loves company trap). And don't be a captive audience for too much of people's crap. Actually, that's what I have to still tell myself! Btw, I'm not saying all this because my life is cake right now. It ebbs and flows. You'll see that many people have it worse off than you do and many of them are "able bodied."Keep your head up, bro!Hugs, Kaye-- Life is 440 horsepower in a 2-cylinder engine. -Henry Miller
[QUAD-L] in response to the guy whose wife cheated on him and stuff...
I have deleted the original request for input on quaddom, and people's strange ways. Un/fortunately, whichever way you look at it, we have been put in quite the observance deck when it comes to watching people and how they respond to a huge phenomena like a spinal cord injury. Not that we're stuck in observation. We are dealing with a rollercoaster inside of ourselves and watching the circus outside. I was injured 13 years ago, when I was 16. My boyfriend was racing someone while I was asleep in the passenger's seat. And well, you know, lots of blood and broken stuff. He died 5 days later. Then I went in for rehab for three months. I was defensive of him because he was dead and my parents hated him and I figured he probably wouldn't have been proud of what happened to me. I was also defensive of my morality or whatever because the incident occurred while I was being dropped of from having snuck out of the house to spent the night with him (a guy 2 years older, for shame!). And my huge family is Catholic on both sides. People at church were whispering. Then I found out my boyfriend had been sleeping with my arch enemy. Ouch! Then the deacon at our church says to a close friend that the accident happened because I was having premarital sex. Huh. After all that happened that's one thing that really stuck with me for obvious reasons, but I'll point them out. If there's a God, I don't think God punishes people. Otherwise everyone in my confirmation class would also have been struck down. What the hell does an accident have to do with morality? And someone else's, at that. I didn't believe that crap for a nanosecond. That was such an injust thought, that I could have been to blame for such a horrific thing. I went back to school and I had new friends because some people were comfortable being with me, a couple really stuck by me, and the others just got weird. But human nature being as it is, I guess I can't exactly blame them for not knowing what to do. Then I go to college, meet cool people, experiment with anything I could, and learn more about how to deal with my body and other people. Now, I look at my life and feel like I'm watching a movie sometimes. I mean, the things people do and say, the way everything has turned out, the things I've done and said...I just shake my head and laugh. I am sometimes flabbergasted when I think about the relationships that have developed from having to have someone help with my care. I mean, who in their right mind would want to be my friend after being so up close and personal with my shit? It happens. And although my physical state has been a magnet for some serious freaks, I've made some beautiful friendships. I mean, f*%k, I've even broken a couple hearts (unintentionally, I'm really nice). And soon after my injury I thought I would never have sex or a relationship again. I wasn't interested and was so sure no one else was. So much life has happened since then. The same kind of stuff that happens to other people, and then there's this whole other dimention we have to deal with. It's just weird. I'm not sure I have a point other than encouragement. You know, perseverance and open mindedness, that kind of thing. Deep breaths. Humor. Find out what you want to do and don't let people rent space in your head. The drug and alcohol thing doesn't really help long term, but you know this. Those pain pills will getchya! I don't know what you're into but when I was smoking a lot of pot and eating a lot it was difficult to figure out what was going on with my body. And pills and alcohol just help me be depressed and constipated and stuck mentally. Don't hang out with people that are screwed up and thus good company (the whole misery loves company trap). And don't be a captive audience for too much of people's crap. Actually, that's what I have to still tell myself! Btw, I'm not saying all this because my life is cake right now. It ebbs and flows. You'll see that many people have it worse off than you do and many of them are able bodied. Keep your head up, bro! Hugs, Kaye-- Life is 440 horsepower in a 2-cylinder engine. -Henry Miller
