From: Silas Shelburne [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Thursday, October 18, 2007 5:08 PM
To: 'Lori Michaelson'; 'quad-list@eskimo.com'
Subject: RE: [QUAD-L] Family Members Helping
I guess I said some things about my family in haste, they all have been
great I just feel so dam guilty because I have to depend on them so much.
Either one of them would change places with me if possible. But they have
their own lives and have to sacrifice so much to take care of me, I was so
dam independent I didn't need anybody, then BOOM I broke my fringing neck
and became totally dependent. Our lives changed in a blink, I know there's
not a one of you reading this that totally know where I'm coming from. It
would be so much better if I had 24/7 coverage and they could come and visit
without the tension evolved with them having to stay and wipe my **s. I
would love for my girl friend to move in with me, she's the greatest thing
that has come out of this mess, I swear she would go to hell and back for
me. There's not many people that will sleep in the floor beside my bed when
im sick, I hope she knows how much I need and appreciate her and all she
does. But things are complicated right now but maybe soon. But it would
be hard on her physically not to mention mentally, I just hope our love is
strong enough to endure all the stress evolved with me being a quad. Dam
I've wrote a book, thanks for letting me vent you're a great bunch of
people! I depend on you all too!! Bye Silas
From: Lori Michaelson [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Wednesday, October 17, 2007 2:35 PM
To: Stacy Harim; quad-list@eskimo.com
Subject: [QUAD-L] Family Members Helping
Like someone else just said... it seems like more and more of us are falling
into this category of family taking a hike or wanting to be absolved from
many responsibilities or obligations to their own flesh and blood! Until
this past early summer... I thought my family would be there for me but I
found out differently and it is a sad state of affairs.
I would love to have the backing or help to start a bedroom community of
sorts that consisted of houses and apartments for people with spinal cord
injuries. In that way... several home health agencies would make a lot of
money by having their aides go to this location and people either paying
them privately or with insurance. I wish I had the money to invest in such a
venture but I don't.
Can we start a new subject called "Family Members Helping" so we know what
the topic is right away? Well, I kinda just did!
Lori Michaelson
C4/5 complete quad, 28 years post
Tucson, AZ
On 10/16/07, Stacy Harim <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
That's how I am feeling now. I'm still stuck in bed. I was up a few weeks
in rehab since May. I've got my mother here complaining about her problems
constantly but doesn't seem to have compassion for me and complains about
how much I eat. I eat twice a day and it's usually toast or a muffin in the
morning. She does have problems and has no problem making me feel guilty
but I also offered to go to a nursing home until I could get on my "feet"
and she said she could do it. Today she said she wants to just quit but
says she cant do "this" all of the time. She has me crying often by making
me feel bad. Accusing me of not trying. I do free weights in bed as much
as I can or handle but that isn't enough for her I guess.
I often wish I didn't survive in the first place. I want to just blurt out
that I should just have the brain damage they thought I was going to have
then I'd be put away and she can just forget me. It hurts because my one
brother is in prison and my older brother pretty much has nothng to do with
any of us but they can do no wrong. My brother in prison got moved to the
other side of the state and my mom tells me she feels like she is losing all
of us right in front of me. I said something about having kids b'c I dont
think I want to risk pregnancy with my spine the way it is and she said look
where kids got me "one's in prison, one's dead, one doesn't call, and you
are in the hospital." I know she cares. If she didn't, she wouldn't be
here but she can say the most hurtful things. I'm at a loss of what to do.
If I told her she can't help me anymore then should would lose money bc of
the waiver but then I could get someone that could do the job and get me out
of bed. If I did that then she would have to completely move back in and I
can't handle that at all. When she was living here we fought constantly and
I can only bite my tounge for so long.
Stacy
----- Original Message ----
From: Danny Espinoza <[EMAIL PROTECTED]
<mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >
To: Stacy Harim <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>; [EMAIL PROTECTED];
quad-list@eskimo.com
Sent: Monday, October 15, 2007 11:35:00 AM
Subject: RE: [QUAD-L] Brother wants me in a home
I hope my family wont do that to me.. I feel like such a burden on them..
Sometimes I wish I let them pull the plug..
Danny Espinoza 24/m/California
Occupation before accident - Network engineer / SR. Network security
engineer
Broke c2,c6,c7 and doner bone at c2
TBI from blood going to central cortex from spinal cord
off a vent "woohoo" however only one diaphragm works right now "due to
asymmetric SCI"
http://www.myspace.com/DannyLNX
From: Stacy Harim [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
<mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> ]
Sent: Monday, October 15, 2007 6:23 AM
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]; quad-list@eskimo.com
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Brother wants me in a home
I know what you mean about availability of caregivers. It's horrible here.
I got my extra hours approved but I can't find anyone willing to drive 30
miles for the 2 hours in the morning and at night. I'm so frustrated that
I've been in bed so long unecessarily. I had the pleasure of being up for
inpatient rehab for almost 2 weeks since May. Another summer gone.
I'm sorry about your brother. Even family can be very selfish. My older
brother didn't even call when he found out that I broke my back and spent
time in the hospital. He talked to my mom once and that is when he found
out. You'd think after almost losing us, they would be a little more
grateful that we are alive.
Stacy
----- Original Message ----
From: "[EMAIL PROTECTED]" < [EMAIL PROTECTED] <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >
To: quad-list@eskimo.com
Sent: Wednesday, October 10, 2007 7:44:42 PM
Subject: [QUAD-L] Brother wants me in a home
It's the second time he (older brother) has brought this up in less then 4
months. (I'd hate to see what he'll do if his wife or children were like
this.)
With that said, my folks and myself included no longer want him here. He is
just so fixed on what others in my family are doing to help. Like God for
bid he does anymore then someone else in the family...and that to boot was
rare.
Not to mention my twin just got his schedule changed at his job due to the
advancement in his position. It put him from night shift to morning shift.
So, now I face a big dilemma in my life because my folks are older and
cannot do everything for me. i.e.; getting me in and out of bed.
But I've looked around for grants or financial assistants to help me pay for
a one rail ceiling lift so it would be less stressful on whomever had to
transfer me.
Any suggestion would help please...
Keith/34/C4-5/NJ
PS. It's crazy to think that I'd be fighting my family to stay in the
community, but that's my luck. Plus, the PCA availability stinks in my area
not to mention I just get max 21 hours.
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--
Lori
C4/5 complete quad, 27 years post
Tucson, AZ
