Original Message
Subject: Jobs warns knockoff iPhones lack several key features
Date: Fri, 6 Jul 2007 19:30:01 PDT
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] (Brad Templeton)
Organization: http://www.templetons.com/brad
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Followup-To: rec.humor.d
For the original version, or to add comments go to:
http://ideas.4brad.com/jobs-warns-knockoff-iphone-lacks-many-key-features
Steve Jobs of Apple Computer warned today that a rumoured cheap Chinese
iPhone knockoff making its way toward America is an inferior product which
lacks many of the important features of the iPhone. It may look a bit
like an iPhone, but when consumers discover all the great iPhone features
that are missing from it, we think they'll still line up at Apple Stores
for the genuine article, said Jobs in a released statement. Designed by
software nerds, the knockoff, dubbed the myPhone by fans, has not yet
been confirmed.
Apple released a list of features reported to be missing from the
myPhone.
* The iPhone has special software that assures you will always use the
trusted ATT cellular network. Lacking this software, the myPhone
accepts any SIM card from any random network. Users may find
themselves connected to a network that doesn't have the
reputation for
service, trust and protecting the privacy of customers that ATT
has.
In addition, users may be stuck without 2 years of guaranteed ATT
service.
* The iPhone is configured to assure you the latest iTunes experience.
The myPhone might function before you have installed the latest
iTunes
and registered your phone with it. Indeed, the myPhone lacks the
protections that block it from being used without registering it
with
or reporting back to anybody, depriving the user of customer service
and upsell opportunities.
* The iPhone has special software that assures all applications run on
the iPhone have been approved by Apple, which protects the user from
viruses and tools that may make the user violate their licence
agreements. The myPhone will run any application, from any
developer,
opening up the user to all sorts of risks.
* The iPhone protects users from dangerous Flash and Java applications
which may compromise their device and confuse the user experience.
* myPhones don't forbid VoIP software that may cause the user to
accidentally make calls over wireless internet connections
instead of
the ATT network. Quality on the internet is unpredictable, as
is the
price, which can range down to zero, causing great pricing
uncertainty. With the iPhone, you always know what calls cost
when in
the USA.
* The iPhone saves the user from receiving distracting instant
messages
over popular IM services, adding calm to your day.
* Music and videos in the iPhone are protected by Apple FairPlay brand
DRM. On the myPhone, which lacks the important DRM functionality,
music can be freely copied to other devices the user owns,
putting the
user at risk of infringing copyrights.
* The iPhone assures users will only play media files in approved
formats, and not risky open source formats.
* The iPhone protects the user from setting a song in their device
as a
ringtone, saving those around him from annoyance and protecting the
user from violating music copyrights and performance rights.
* The iPhone bluetooth functions have careful security management.
Users
are protected from using bluetooth to exchange files with other
users
(such files are risky) or accidentally printing or communicating
with
your computer. Bluetooth is only used for headsets and headphones as
was intended. The myPhone lacks these important protections.
* The iPhone only uses its internal flash drive. The user is protected
against hard drives, which have moving parts and can put data at
risk.
* The myPhone battery has a removable door over it, which can get
lost,
or allow the battery to fall out or be stolen. The iPhone's
battery is
solidly protected. Users are also assured they will use only Apple
certified batteries and not subject to the risk of aftermarket
batteries, which may explode, killing the user.
* The iPhone is for sale only in the USA and primarily for use there.
This encourages users to stay home in America which is good for the
economy and their own peace of mind.
* The iPhone, unlike the myPhone and all other cell phones, sells at a
very solid markup for Apple, assuring Apple executives and
stockholders will be happy, and the company will be around to
support
the iPhone for years to come. The myPhone, it is rumoured, will be
purchasable in a wide variety of stores, confusing the buyer
with too
