Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Peter Haworth]

That's a very clever piece of prose Mark!  Did you write it?

Sometimes the funniest stories are the true ones.  This actually happened
to me at a gig a while back.

We finished playing our first set and were out in the audience chatting to
people.  A young girl of about 8 or 9 years old came up to us and announced
that she played the xylophone.  We all encouraged to her to keep learning
to play and I, semi-jokingly, said she should come up and play something
with us in the second half of the show. Very shyly, she said she didn't
think that would be a good idea because she didn't play very well yet.
 Trying to be encouraging, I said I would give her my phone number so she
could call me in about 10 years when she was really good, then she could
play with us.  She innocently looked me straight in the eye and said "I
don't think so, you'll be dead by then"

That was about 9 years and 8 months ago so I gotta rush off now and finish
all my LC projects before the fateful day!


Pete
lcSQL Software 


On Wed, May 8, 2013 at 6:12 PM, Mark Wieder  wrote:

> Pete-
>
> LOL. That's the best story I've heard in a while.
>
> Here's one more before I leave this thread (probably for musicians
> only):
>
> C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we
> don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth
> between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is
> out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not
> sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse
> me; I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not
> convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender
> notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're
> the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back
> the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The
> bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could
> be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit
> and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and
> realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial,
> found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is
> sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional
> facility.
>
> --
> -Mark Wieder
>  mwie...@ahsoftware.net
>
>
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> subscription preferences:
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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Jeff Reynolds]

ok i just spit coffee out my nose on this one!

thanks

jeff

On Wed, May 8, 2013 at 11:08 AM, Peter Haworth  wrote:

> My friend and ex bandmate David Brewer is a bagpiper and told me this
> story.
> 
> As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral
> director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no
> family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery out in
> the wilds of California.

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RE: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Ralph DiMola]

HA HA HA!!

My brother plays bass. Thanks all for the ammunition. I've had to listen to
his accordion jokes since forever. 

Ralph DiMola
IT Director
Evergreen Information Services
rdim...@evergreeninfo.net


-Original Message-
From: use-livecode [mailto:use-livecode-boun...@lists.runrev.com] On Behalf
Of Gerry Orkin
Sent: Thursday, May 09, 2013 3:08 AM
To: How to use LiveCode
Subject: Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

That bagpipe one has been on the net for years :)

This three piece rock band were very keen to do well at their gig because
they'd heard a big record producer was in the audience. If he liked them
they'd be sure to become the next big thing.

During the first song the lead guitarist was strumming up a storm. In his
mind all he could think about was the fast cars, private jets and luxury
hotel rooms that he was sure were in his future. The drummer played like a
demon. All he could think about was the girls, the drugs and the private zoo
he was going to build. The bass player hung back in the shadows (as bass
players tend to do) thumping out a deep rhythm. All he could think about was
A, D, F, G...A, D, F, G...A, D, F, G...

Gerry
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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Gerry Orkin]

That bagpipe one has been on the net for years :)

This three piece rock band were very keen to do well at their gig because 
they'd heard a big record producer was in the audience. If he liked them they'd 
be sure to become the next big thing.

During the first song the lead guitarist was strumming up a storm. In his mind 
all he could think about was the fast cars, private jets and luxury hotel rooms 
that he was sure were in his future. The drummer played like a demon. All he 
could think about was the girls, the drugs and the private zoo he was going to 
build. The bass player hung back in the shadows (as bass players tend to do) 
thumping out a deep rhythm. All he could think about was A, D, F, G...A, D, F, 
G...A, D, F, G...

Gerry
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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Mark Wieder]

Ralph-

Wednesday, May 8, 2013, 7:17:15 PM, you wrote:

> Mark,
> Very funny and clever!!

I can't claim credit for anything but passing it on.
I used to run the Grateful Dead jokes page on the WELL back in the
day...

-- 
-Mark Wieder
 mwie...@ahsoftware.net


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RE: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Ralph DiMola]

Pete,
I had my brother in stitches with that "story".

Mark,
Very funny and clever!!

Ralph DiMola
IT Director
Evergreen Information Services
rdim...@evergreeninfo.net


-Original Message-
From: use-livecode [mailto:use-livecode-boun...@lists.runrev.com] On Behalf
Of Mark Wieder
Sent: Wednesday, May 08, 2013 9:12 PM
To: How to use LiveCode
Subject: Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

Pete-

LOL. That's the best story I've heard in a while.

Here's one more before I leave this thread (probably for musicians
only):

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't
serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between
them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F
comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D
comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a
second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this
relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at
the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found
in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit
with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight.
Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon
takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C
sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to
trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is
sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional
facility.

--
-Mark Wieder
 mwie...@ahsoftware.net


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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Shawn Blc]

+1.  Awesome story, lol.


On Wed, May 8, 2013 at 11:08 AM, Peter Haworth  wrote:

> My friend and ex bandmate David Brewer is a bagpiper and told me this
> story.
>
> As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral
> director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no
> family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery out in
> the wilds of California.
>
> As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a
> typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late
> and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in
> sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating
> lunch.
> I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
>
> I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was
> already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
> The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played
> out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played
> like I've never played before for this homeless man.
> And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep.
> They wept, I wept, and we all wept together.
>
> When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though
> my head hung low, my heart was full.
>
> As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the worker say,
> "Sweet Mother of Jesus, I never seen nothing like that before and I've
> been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
>
> Pete
> lcSQL Software 
>
>
> On Tue, May 7, 2013 at 9:29 PM, Mark Wieder 
> wrote:
>
> > Pete-
> >
> > Tuesday, May 7, 2013, 9:15:49 PM, you wrote:
> >
> > > OK, is it open season on musician jokes? 'Cause I got some that will
> > ruffle
> > > a few feathers :=)
> >
> > I'll bet you do. You mean like:
> > What's the definition of perfect pitch?
> > Tossing an accordian in the toilet without hitting the rim.
> >
> > --
> > -Mark Wieder
> >  mwie...@ahsoftware.net
> >
> >
> > ___
> > use-livecode mailing list
> > use-livecode@lists.runrev.com
> > Please visit this url to subscribe, unsubscribe and manage your
> > subscription preferences:
> > http://lists.runrev.com/mailman/listinfo/use-livecode
> >
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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Mark Wieder]

Pete-

LOL. That's the best story I've heard in a while.

Here's one more before I leave this thread (probably for musicians
only):

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we
don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth
between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is
out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not
sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse
me; I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not
convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender
notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're
the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back
the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The
bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could
be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit
and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and
realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial,
found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is
sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional
facility.

-- 
-Mark Wieder
 mwie...@ahsoftware.net


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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Mark Wieder]

Peter Haworth  writes:

> What do you throw to a drowning bass player?
> His amp.

Ha!
Definition of a quarter-tone:
Two fretless bass players playing in unison.

-- 
 Mark Wieder
 mwie...@ahsoftware.net





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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Marty Knapp]

Haha! Thanks for the levity Pete - good ones!

Marty Knapp
Knappster Solutions LLC
---




And specially for you, Mark:

What do you throw to a drowning bass player?
His amp.

Pete
lcSQL Software 


On Tue, May 7, 2013 at 9:29 PM, Mark Wieder  wrote:


Pete-

Tuesday, May 7, 2013, 9:15:49 PM, you wrote:


OK, is it open season on musician jokes? 'Cause I got some that will

ruffle

a few feathers :=)

I'll bet you do. You mean like:
What's the definition of perfect pitch?
Tossing an accordian in the toilet without hitting the rim.

--
-Mark Wieder
  mwie...@ahsoftware.net




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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Peter Haworth]

And specially for you, Mark:

What do you throw to a drowning bass player?
His amp.

Pete
lcSQL Software 


On Tue, May 7, 2013 at 9:29 PM, Mark Wieder  wrote:

> Pete-
>
> Tuesday, May 7, 2013, 9:15:49 PM, you wrote:
>
> > OK, is it open season on musician jokes? 'Cause I got some that will
> ruffle
> > a few feathers :=)
>
> I'll bet you do. You mean like:
> What's the definition of perfect pitch?
> Tossing an accordian in the toilet without hitting the rim.
>
> --
> -Mark Wieder
>  mwie...@ahsoftware.net
>
>
> ___
> use-livecode mailing list
> use-livecode@lists.runrev.com
> Please visit this url to subscribe, unsubscribe and manage your
> subscription preferences:
> http://lists.runrev.com/mailman/listinfo/use-livecode
>
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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Peter Haworth]

Or:

What's the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
One is loud, obnoxious, and noisy.  The other is a bird.

Pete
lcSQL Software 


On Tue, May 7, 2013 at 9:29 PM, Mark Wieder  wrote:

> Pete-
>
> Tuesday, May 7, 2013, 9:15:49 PM, you wrote:
>
> > OK, is it open season on musician jokes? 'Cause I got some that will
> ruffle
> > a few feathers :=)
>
> I'll bet you do. You mean like:
> What's the definition of perfect pitch?
> Tossing an accordian in the toilet without hitting the rim.
>
> --
> -Mark Wieder
>  mwie...@ahsoftware.net
>
>
> ___
> use-livecode mailing list
> use-livecode@lists.runrev.com
> Please visit this url to subscribe, unsubscribe and manage your
> subscription preferences:
> http://lists.runrev.com/mailman/listinfo/use-livecode
>
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Re: [OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Peter Haworth]

My friend and ex bandmate David Brewer is a bagpiper and told me this story.

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral
director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no
family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery out in
the wilds of California.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a
typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late
and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in
sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating
lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was
already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played
like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep.
They wept, I wept, and we all wept together.

When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though
my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the worker say,
"Sweet Mother of Jesus, I never seen nothing like that before and I've
been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Pete
lcSQL Software 


On Tue, May 7, 2013 at 9:29 PM, Mark Wieder  wrote:

> Pete-
>
> Tuesday, May 7, 2013, 9:15:49 PM, you wrote:
>
> > OK, is it open season on musician jokes? 'Cause I got some that will
> ruffle
> > a few feathers :=)
>
> I'll bet you do. You mean like:
> What's the definition of perfect pitch?
> Tossing an accordian in the toilet without hitting the rim.
>
> --
> -Mark Wieder
>  mwie...@ahsoftware.net
>
>
> ___
> use-livecode mailing list
> use-livecode@lists.runrev.com
> Please visit this url to subscribe, unsubscribe and manage your
> subscription preferences:
> http://lists.runrev.com/mailman/listinfo/use-livecode
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[OT - I remembered this time]: here we go

[Mark Wieder]

Pete-

Tuesday, May 7, 2013, 9:15:49 PM, you wrote:

> OK, is it open season on musician jokes? 'Cause I got some that will ruffle
> a few feathers :=)

I'll bet you do. You mean like:
What's the definition of perfect pitch?
Tossing an accordian in the toilet without hitting the rim.

-- 
-Mark Wieder
 mwie...@ahsoftware.net


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