Here's a list of my favorite one liners.It's been a work in progress for
years so forgive me if you see any repeats.
“Next time I go tiger huntin', I'm gonna take my tweezers.”
“And here, a whole town stands still, cause two old women’s feet fall asleep.”
“I wonder what causes that?”
“ I got a hobby…….drinking!”
“Where did you gt the liquor?”
If I’d aseen you acoming I’d aknowd what I'd do, I'd arisen both arms and I'd
awoved at you.
“The cage sure looks empty, don’t it Pa?”
“It sure does, son. But don’t the trees seem nice and full?”
“I hate crowded ballrooms.”
Boy, you fall down a well and you're wet!
The ways of the wild are many and wonderful.
You civilians just don't know how to think on your feet.
Man gets his best suit spotted and pressed, spends two hours polishing his
hat, and for what? Heartaches!
“Its definitely no fun when that iron door clangs shut.”
I'm not standing in no stag line with Old Man Perkins and a bunch of
slumped-over teenaged boys!
“Take a shot at him, sheriff. You got a right.”
Better known as big Maude Tyler, Clarisse Tyler, Maude Clarisse Tyler,
Annabelle Tyler, and Ralph
Henderson.
“How can a person pay his debt to society with all this yapping going on?”
“I don’t know where you younguns get your new fangled ideas.”
“Well, then, can I tell you about the bugs?”
“ And quit rubbing Opie’s head.”
Winkum, thinkum, nodamus rex. Protect us all from the man with the hex.
Got time to breathe, got time for music.
“He’d kill ya.”
Don't that just clutch ya?
“He’s a pestilence, and a pestilence will find you. You just wait.”
“Stop that boy, you want your face to freeze that way?”
“I can’t take four dogs home. My wife hardly lets me in the house.”
Well, Bucket Mouth, do you know anybody that wants to buy a cannon?
“I can take some manners and I can take some cleaning up, and I can take a
bossy mouth, but I ain’t about to be beat to death with no spoon.”
“Most every book on child rearin' is in favor of bud nippin'!”
“Says here, Sheriff, Sheriff, it’s time, it’s time.”
Daylight's precious when you’re a youngin'.
Watch your foot, I'm gonna rock forward.
“Two and two make four.”
“There’s my darling person.”
“Tall, dark, and a door prize.”
“Slack off! Slack off!”
“You’re beginning to get to me.”
“I lit into him like a windmill in a tornado.”
“You’re my youngun, and I love you more than anything in this world. And
nothing or nobody is going to ever change that.”
“A little slooower, please.”
“And quit hollering at yourself in that looking glass.”
“See the trouble you got me in, Blackie?”
“Here at the rock……”
Plugs, Points, Bearin’s, Valves, Rings, Starter Switch, Ignition Wires, Water
Pump, Fuel Pump, Oil Pump, Clutch,
Clutch Bearin’s, Clutch Plates, Brake Linin’, Brake Shoes, Brake Drums,
Radiator Hose an’ Radiator Hose Couplin’. An’ I’d give ’er a good wash, too.
According to you, the Lord made two sexes--men and blabbermouths.
Well put, Aunt Bee. Well put.
“Well, Wynken will tell Blynken, Blynken will tell Nod, Nod will tell Barney,
and Barney will tell you.”
“Just like Fifi, the upstairs maid.”
Opie, stockin's is somethin' a lady WEARS!
“Ohhh, blood brothers!”
“I’ll send your regrets to the secretary of the Navy.”
I guess that makes you sheriff now.
“She sure does kick up a fuss, don’t she?”
“Don’t give him my Mr. Cookie Bar, that’s for later on, when I get my sinking
spell.”
“A slender, high spirited person needs a quick pick me up, late in the day.”
”I don’t drive on the left anymore. Course I don’t drive on the right but I’m
half way there.”
“Aren’t you kind. Aren’t you kind.”
“Dogs, all of them dogs. Andy, if you flew a quail in here, every one of them
would point.”
“Now, I'll drive, so I'll sit in the front seat.”
“I just seen Jeff Pruitt standing on the corner picking up girls.”
During our lifetime we travel many roads...
“First thing we do is cut our wrists with a knife.”
“Just jump in where you can and hang on.”
“Just a bed and a bible.”
“Thought about killin him, kinda hated to go that far.”
“I hate crowded ball rooms.”
Suck in that gut.
Opie, ask Barney again why he wants to go to the duck pond.
“You got a uvula, I got a uvula, all Gods children got a uvula!”
Sometimes in the mornin', I look down at my eggs, and I see your face right in
there.
“Cause like I said, you’re the cats.”
“Some’s got it, and some’s ain’t.”
“One thing about gypsies though, they’re moody.”
Aw. It's going to be a red-letter day in Mayberry if the whole Ladies' Church
Aid Committee gets crocked!
“That’s just one subject you just can't preach enough about...SIN”
“You aughta write that up and send it to the FBI. Call it the Barney Fife,
Peter Piper, Nose Pinching Test for Drunks.”
“Sooner or later, someone had to spell it right.”
“And take that gun out of your mouth.”
“Where’s my plaque, gimme my plaque.”
