The Scoop - http://www.bobharris.com/ Hi everybody. Sorry about the disappearing act. I wasn’t kidnapped, nor am I dead. Thanks to those of you who asked. Just some personal crap to deal with. I deeply appreciate the many messages of encouragement that some of you guys have sent over the last few weeks. The columns should be a little more human-sized from here on, by the way. To new subscribers: thanks for joining up. Yes, the column really is free, and you're encouraged to forward it to friends. That's how our readership grows. bh THE SCOOP for July 12, 1999 ___________________________ Granny D: When Money Talks, The People Must Walk Also: Prince Charles’s Genetic Concern, and Hillary’s Famous Run © 1999 Bob Harris http://www.bobharris.com mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] For too many of us democracy works like this: we watch on TV as sons and wives of famous men and various similarly-qualified folk raise tens of millions of dollars, call themselves leaders, and then ask you to send them to Washington, all so they can allegedly change things on your behalf. (And the media wonders why most people don’t even bother to vote.) One 89-year old woman has decided it's a lot simpler just to go to Washington herself. On foot. So here's an update on the travels of Doris Haddock -- better known as Granny D -- the great-grandmother who is currently walking all the way from Los Angeles to Washington in an attempt to focus America’s attention on how we've allowed our political system to become essentially an auction, in which offices -- and, therefore, policies -- are merely sold to the highest bidder. And Granny D has a point. FEC records, analyzed by the non-partisan Center for Responsive Politics, show that in federal elections, the candidate with the most cash wins over 90 percent of the time. And in the wide majority of cases, the winning candidate has over ten times as much money as the closest competitor. Most Harlem Globetrotter games are more legitimate contests. And recent data shows that the situation is getting a lot worse, really fast. Fundraising for the 2000 congressional elections is running at more than twice the fever pitch of the last election cycle, which itself was a similar record advance in the pocket-lining arts. Merely to serve in what we laughing call the People’s House, pretty much any serious candidate now needs to raise five figures of cash, every single day. The White House auction is even worse: George W. Bush has announced he already has over $36 million ready to spend. So bingo. He’s the prohibitive favorite. Among Democrats, the near-total reluctance to oppose Gore is the direct result of the VP’s formidable fundraising power. Which means that the nominations for the next election are essentially locked up -- and the first vote in the first primary won’t even be cast for six more months. Hell, why not just put White House up on eBay? "One Oval Office. Some moisture damage. Bidding closes November 2000." But as I write this, Granny D has almost finished walking across Texas, which takes even longer than sitting through an Angels doubleheader. She's getting more attention and support as she goes. She’s also getting a dismaying amount of hate mail, to which she responds with elegant good cheer that makes me smile and take heart. Check out her website, http://www.grannyd.com, and then have a look at the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform bill, which is the main thing she’s trying to promote with her walk. The McCain-Feingold bill (along with its House companion, known as the Shays-Meehan bill) is hardly a panacea. Lots of reforms are probably necessary, and which ones will work best is a legitimate ongoing discussion. Returning the people’s voice to the people’s house could take perhaps a generation. Which might seem like a long time, but it’s not: Granny D has already lived through several. You think change isn’t possible? Women didn’t get to vote at all in this country until 1920 -- which Ms. Haddock remembers herself, since she was ten years old at the time. And if we do ever get an electoral system based less on publicity and more on the public good, I’d vote for Granny D herself. Her love for this country is a true inspiration. And by 2004, she’ll be tanned, rested, ready... and only 94 years old. ___________________________ If you think you're a vegetarian, guess again. Unless you eat nothing but certified organic food (in which case you’re not likely to be reading this online column right now; instead, you’re probably doing Kundalini yoga, raking compost, and hassling some Japanese whaling ship, or possibly all three), chances are you're already consuming at least some genetically modified food, more popularly known as FrankenFood. FrankenFood is the result of new advances in biotechnology -- allowing scientists to splice genes from one species into the DNA of another -- applied by agribusiness to our favorite foods. Imagine Julia Child going insane on the Island of Dr. Moreau, and you’ve pretty much got the picture. Fish genes wind up in tomatoes. Mouse genes are placed into corn. Ally McBeal is spliced in the middle of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. And nobody can even guess the potential long-term harm. You'd hope that, as with medicines and chemical additives, FrankenFoods would require years of study and testing prior to reaching your fridge, but nope. There's a revolving door between federal watchdog agencies and the biotech industry, so tens of thousands of products already contain at least some mixmastered DNA. Which is why an increasing number of activists, world leaders, and other people who like to know what they’re eating are calling for cutbacks or outright bans until we know more. Even Prince Charles -- that well-known leftist wacko out to destroy capitalism -- is posting strongly-worded messages on his website, http://www.princeofwales.gov.uk. Then again, you’d expect the Prince to take a strong stand on the issue of genetic tampering. Look at his family tree. ___________________________ Finally, why all the ruckus over Hillary Clinton trying to become the next Senator from New York? Just because she doesn’t work or live there, some people think that makes her unqualified. Geez. Talk about being picky. Look, I’m not supporting or condemning Hillary here. All I’m asking is this: since when did we start requiring qualifications? You surely already know the whole rant they keep spewing on right-wing talk shows -- Hillary has never lived or worked in New York, nor has she ever held elective office. Therefore, she’s a carpetbagger, never mind what the actual state laws might actually say. OK... and so what? All of a sudden, qualifications matter? I mean, look at the Presidential race: Steve Forbes? Hello? Forbes has never worked in New York, California, or American Samoa. But he’s rich, and he feels like being a candidate. Therefore, he’s a candidate. And forget the Texas governorship, where George W. Bush has displayed all the keen populist activism and moral courage of JFK, Jr., and forget his political beliefs, which are about as solidly positioned as a quark -- everybody knows that DNA is the main reason we’re even discussing the Big W. That, and the $36,000,000.00 buried beneath him. Al Gore's Dad was a rich and powerful politician, too. That’s a big part of how he got to Washington in the first place. Bill Bradley’s a Rhodes scholar, but he got famous by playing in the NBA. Pat Buchanan has never held elective office, either, but he's on TV a lot. Good enough. He’s taken seriously. And Liddy Dole's famous not for running the Red Cross, but for tending to the needs of the world's most famous Viagra patient. Meanwhile, House Budget Committee chairman John Kasich, is not a household name, although he’s at least as qualified a leader as anyone listed above. (If that praise was any fainter, it wouldn’t even show up on the page.) Kasich’s war chest is less than one-tenth the size of Bush’s, and so he’s reportedly about to drop out of the White House auction. OK, so back to the subject: so Hillary Clinton is running on name recognition for an office she wouldn’t be considered for otherwise. Yeah, and so did Ross Perot, Pat Robertson, Gopher from The Love Boat, Cooter from The Dukes Of Hazzard, and a dozen other people I could name. We're not electing leaders. We stopped doing that a long time ago. We're electing the rich and famous, because only the rich and famous have had a shot at raising the cash to play for so long now that apparently many of us actually think being rich and famous is the same thing as leadership. Why was everyone so shocked that Jesse Ventura became governor of Minnesota? Really, why? Was he truly less qualified than Ronald Reagan? We’re just lucky Robbie Knievel, Weird Al Yankovic, and whoever drives the Truckinator aren’t interested in politics. Attention GOP: you want to beat Hillary? Screw Rudy Giuliani. Run Monica Lewinsky. In a cage match. ___________________________ Bob Harris is a radio commentator, political writer, and stand-up comedian. His new book, [Steal This Book And Get Life Without Parole], will be published soon by Common Courage Press. To receive a free email subscription to The Scoop, just send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] ___________________________ Bob's Big Plug-O-Rama™ (updated 7/11/99): The new book, [Steal This Book And Get Life Without Parole], is at the printer. It’ll be out in September, replete with cartoons by Tom Tomorrow and a foreword by Paul Krassner. You can visit the fine publisher at http://www.commoncouragepress.com. I’ll be doing readings at bookstores around the country during my fall college tour. So far, the book has already received hugely kind praise from Jim Hightower, Jeff Cohen, Michael Moore, and lots of other cool people. This is way exciting. As you may have noticed, http://www.bobharris.com has been on hold for almost on month while I’ve tended to the ongoing series of bad ideas I reluctantly call my personal life. However, you'll soon be able to access radio, stand-up comedy, and other clips, along with a gallery of goofy headshots and samples of my early writing for National Lampoon. Really. Honest. Syndication of "This Is Bob Harris," the daily radio feature, is rolling along: over 70 stations and counting. Call your favorite station and ask for the feature. They pay attention, honest. Cool and strange: the radio stuff is also broadcast in over 140 countries by Armed Forces Radio -- and during the Rush Limbaugh program at that! Partly as a result, this column now has regular subscribers in 40 countries on six continents. You can also hear an audio version of my commentaries at Soapbox, http://www.webactive.com/webactive/soapbox/monday.html Finally, you can find recent columns reprinted in the current print editions of Dollars & Sense, Extra!, and the Funny Times. Meanwhile, Mother Jones online (http://www.motherjones.com) now carries The Scoop every week. I am honored to be associated with these people. They rule. ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED] Start Your Own FREE Email List at http://www.listbot.com/
