-Caveat Lector- Click Here: <A HREF="http://members.aol.com/smartnews/am01.htm";>Annie McKenna's '01 Conference Presentation</A> ----- This page has been put on the web by S.M.A.R.T., P O Box 1295, Easthampton, MA 01027 E-mail : [EMAIL PROTECTED]
This transcript is from a presentation by Annie McKenna at The Fourth Annual Ritual Abuse, Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference, August 10 - 12, 2001 at the DoubleTree Hotel in Windsor Locks, CT. Some of the topics discussed may be triggering. The conference is educational and not intended as therapy or treatment. All accusations are alleged. Our providing the information below does not necessarily constitute our endorsement of it. Due to the nature of the material discussed, survivors may want to read this with a support person present. Click here to return to our home page: http://members.aol.com/smartnews/index2.html Annie McKenna is an alleged survivor of Project Monarch, a government mind control program involving the military, various intelligence agencies, and the Nazi's ushered into the U.S. under Operation Paperclip and wrote "Paperclip Dolls." She has an article in the 12/00 issue of Media Bypass. She owes her rapid healing and integration process to a strong cooperative system and scrapbook therapy. Her topic is "Shattering the Myths--Deprogramming with System Communication." SMART 2001 - Presentation by Annie McKenna - Shattering the Myths--Deprogramming with System Communication For the past three years at this conference I've been primarily showing how Scrapbook Therapy has helped my alters to communicate my past to me. This year I'd like to expand that topic to include all ways my alters are able to communicate with me. Because I have a lot of information and overheads to share with you, I'd like to ask everyone to please hold questions until the end. Also, so I don't forget, I'm always asked where I find the images for my collages. The main source was Communication Arts magazine and I've placed a sample on the table with my book Paperclip Dolls. But I've found pictures in all kinds of magazines. It's just that the really bizarre ones usually came from Communication Arts. Before I begin my presentation I want to say that most of us in this room are survivors or work with survivors of horrific abuse. Programming was involved whether we were survivors of ritual abuse alone or in conjunction with one of the military/illuminati programs. With ritual abuse, we are programmed to the extent that we have alters who were trained to participate in rituals and most likely several alters who took a vow of silence. What happens a lot when survivors communicate with each other (especially in the early stages of healing), is we trigger the hell out of each other. This is because we are programmed beings and what comes out of us--whether we know it or not--is programming. And that can be misconstrued as intentional triggering or an attempt at accessing through programming phrases. I'm here to tell you I have no idea how I was programmed but I have learned that I heal backwards from my programming. And I only learned that because a few times when I relayed the imagery and messages of my healing in a support group setting, someone said "that's exactly how I was programmed!" In looking back at how I got my messages, I didn't have a clue. But I am going to give you a very concrete example of how this works for me. In February of this year, I had a huge integration take place. It started on February 17 and completed on February 23. Internally I was getting a beautiful story of how my spiritual guides or protectors were each related to an element like Earth, Wind, Fire, and Ice. The part of me that needed to integrate I knew only as Baby. Baby had been my shattered spirit and was now healed and ready to integrate with the core--which had also been shattered but was now whole. So I had a whole core integrate with a whole spirit. The timing of every aspect of my healing has been uncanny and I've just learned to accept that strange things happen in my life and trust my protectors to lead the way. On the evening of February 24, the day after my integration, I was catching up on reading articles related to mind control. One of the articles I read included information about the OTO (a well-documented cult) and their rituals and beliefs. I was very interested because one of my first connections to ritual abuse was the OTO because of my father's military background. Anyway, I was reading about the OTO and it explained how they worshipped spirits called elementals and an entity called Babalon (BABAlon) which is a perversion of BABYlon or Baby. I totally freaked out when I read this but then I just shook my head. That is my system's way. My system takes the yuck and turns it inside out. So this is my trigger warning. I do not know when I'm using programming phrases. I was programmed my whole life and my objective is to share my healing...which means you will most likely be exposed to some programming that may trigger you. What you need to know is that it is not intentional. I prefer to embrace triggers as clues to parts of me that are not yet healed. So if you suddenly feel triggered, I'd like to suggest that you write down whatever it was that bothered you. If I'm overwhelming you, then please be safe and do whatever you need to do to get grounded even if that means leaving. Some of you know this already but for the new people I'm going to repeat it. My healing actually began before I ever had my first memory. It came in the form of what I thought was a fictional novel I wrote in 1996. I completed the novel in October 1996. My first memory surfaced a year later in September 1997. It didn't take long for me to realize the book was really quite spooky. There were things happening in my life that paralleled what my fictional character did in the book. It got to be sort of a joke that my life was somehow in the book. And even when I was writing it, once I had created a character named Spencer, it was his voice I heard in my head. He had a really neat British accent and I loved hearing him talk. I thought it was just my creativity hearing my character's voice citing his dialog. Eventually I was hearing Spencer dictate the story to me and I was just writing it down. I often said he wrote the book. I came to love his character. He was a pseudo-father figure to main character of Mags who was, I thought, loosely based on my conscious life of struggling with emotions and especially trying to have a successful relationship. The point of this is that I've since realized that all the answers to my subconscious life are in my novel. Some are overt; some are covert. But they reveal themselves to me when Spencer decides it's time. Also, by the time I figured out I was multiple, I was very relieved to learn that Spencer was my main protector and was taking care of me. So my system established trust and cooperation before I even knew about being a multiple. Most healing guides and therapy exercises suggest keeping a journal of your thoughts and dreams. That's all well and good for what is going on consciously, but what I discovered by writing fiction was that the brain digs into the subconscious for every single word and detail. Many of my clues are in the descriptions and the names of places, the names of the characters, and even the adjectives surrounding each person and location. I guess what I want to say is that if I had looked at this logically, I would have discounted that voice in my head telling me to take the story in one direction when I was inclined to take it in another. So that book is now an encrypted record of my past that is slowly unraveling as I get my memories. You don't have to be a writer and you don't have to write a novel. But you can try writing stories about anything. You can do an exercise like write about your dream house or what might be the scariest place you could think of. In my case, what I thought I was describing as very cozy safe places were locations of abuse to which I had no conscious connection. So just let it come out of you and don't question it. And don't worry if it doesn't have any meaning at the time you write it. The object is to get the process going of allowing this unspoken communication to get out of your head. I've been contacted through my website by a number of survivors wanting to know how to "deprogram." My personal feelings, along with discussions and research material from therapists I trust who work with mind control survivors, is that it is best to stay away from trying to find and use system codes. I think that can backfire. However, in healing, you are likely to get codes from your alters. Sometimes I'm not sure if what I'm getting is a code for an alter or a code for a date, but I see numbers in my collages. I've had codes revealed to me through my novel through dates and times and in dialog that included numbers. I'm going to show you an example from my collages. Not only is it a code for a date, but it helped me match up two collages to put together a more complete memory. It doesn't matter what it means to me. I just want to show you that alters, given the freedom to do what they need to communicate, will give you all kinds of information. And one more thing, I don't know if these codes were programmed codes or just an ingenious way my system gives me for getting memories. BIRTH COLLAGE This is part of a large collage which I call my birth page. It has the number 444-5252. I was born in 1952. The fact that there is a double 52 is significant to my personal story. But it's the 444 that I want to use as an example. AMERICAN GOTHIC HORROR This is another collage depicting a death with the same triple digit of 444. It says American, Gothic, Horror above the numbers. I have learned that this actually represents the splitting of several of my alters. But internally they viewed it as death. I was married on April 26--I chose the date back in 1980. My clues revealed April 26 as the date of a death my alters remembered. Last year someone sent me a website with a satanic calendar. April 26 is THE human sacrifice date. There's even a period before April 26 designated for the preparation of the sacrifice. That description coincided exactly with my collaged memory. Last year in early April, I woke up in the middle of the night with the message: the 4th day of the 4th week of the 4th month. I ran to the calendar and last year that date was April 26. That's when I understood that 444 was a code for the date of April 26. I'm sure our programmers took great advantage of perpetrating horror on that date. I'd like to just take a moment here to express how confusing it has been to me to understand whether my alters are remembering the death of an outside person or an inside person. In my case, I believe there was an outside child but the programming and messages were to destroy an internal part of me. The memories associated with this death (and my alters viewed it as a murder) were very difficult and several parts of me mourned the death of other parts of me. Many of my alters were made to believe they were dead. I think by making me believe that they had killed parts of me, they sealed my silencing and loyalty programming. Or at least that was their intention. But here I stand speaking to you about it. And if you think about it from a mission perspective, an alter who thinks he or she is dead is fearless because there is no fear of death. 222 PERP This is a magazine picture but my system can show me the bad guys through very similar likenesses. This happens to represent a perp who is a world renowned geneticist and is also a relative. His clues go with a genetics lab and an area we know as "the zoo." Last year in my presentation I showed this picture. CHARLES GESCHICKTER/ALTOIDS Charles Geschickter was the head of a department at Georgetown University. The CIA funded an entire new wing in the late 1950s to Georgetown University called the Lawrence Gorman Annex. In my research, it indicates that at least two floors of this wing are dedicated for mind control. But I believe there was an underground facility and still is from before the wing was ever built. Perp 222 did part of his training at Georgetown during the time frame of the Annex being built and I believe Geschickter was his mentor. A number of survivors have memories of being in the primate lab at this facility. I do have memories of cages but I can't tell you if I was specifically in the primate lab at Georgetown University. I do have memories of a genetics lab and cages at Area 51 or Nellis AFB near Las Vegas. I mentioned that I had a huge integration on February 23--that's 223. On February 24 or 224 I went to visit a friend in Las Vegas. I had the trip planned for several months. I arrived the morning of 2/24. That night, I woke up precisely at 2:22 a.m. even though I had experienced a 3-hour time difference that day. When I woke up at that time, my whole system went a little nuts. I realized I had arrived in Las Vegas for callback programming--only this time I was fully conscious. Just north of Las Vegas is Nellis Air Force Base. I suppose if it had happened correctly, an alter would have awakened at 2:22 a.m. and called someone. Of course, when I realized this, I was convinced that since I didn't call, the military was going to come pick me up. So the rest of my stay in Las Vegas was very unsettling. But it did give me the opportunity to see how my system had the ability to get me to a location on a specific date and report at a specific time without my conscious knowledge. It still got me there subconsiously but then let me know that that's as far as it was going to allow the programming to go. I will confess I actually navigated my friend, who was driving, up to the area of Nellis AFB and directed him to turn up a road labeled Area 11. So someone inside me even showed me where we would have gone. Perp 222 is quite alive and well. I woke up at 222. Any guesses who I was supposed to call or who was going to deal with me if I did show up ? Prior to my Las Vegas trip, I had brought some of my alter pictures with me to my therapist. At one point I asked her to hand me the one picture and I realized that in the newer picture I had of her she was in the same position as one of the first pictures I'd ever found of her. Here she is as an illustration. ABBY (Illustration--Collage with eyes & Cider Jack) Obviously Abby is remembering some horror event. Here is her most recent picture. ABBY (Model w/red striped top) Abby is the word Baby scrambled up. She has always gone with red and white stripes. But in both pictures she is crouching. Then I pulled out some other pictures I had of alters. DKNY Jeans This is my alter Sadie. RENA LANGE Here is another but there are many in this position. I had never realized they were all crouching before. My therapist asked me what this meant and I said "being in the womb" and started crying. But later that day I realized crouching goes with fear. When I was in Las Vegas, I started flashing on cage memories. I knew some alters had cage memories but I really didn't get close to them before. This is the position we had to be in while we were in a cage. So I know any alter like this, remembers being in a cage. So now we have alter communication through fictional writing, images from magazines, internal talking, and journaling of conscious thoughts and connections. I also call that flow writing because I just have the pen in my hand and allow whatever is going to come out to come out. My system apparently loves word association and word jumbles. I have this obsession for making words out of other words. I think that is another form of alters bypassing the vow of silence. They give me a puzzle and I get help figuring it out. I've talked in past presentations about clues being on the backs of pictures I have cut out. I think alters can use anything to communicate if you open yourself up to the communication. Take any group of words and my alters will highlight which words make sense with a particular memory. I might get a few here and few there, but when all the pictures come together with all the words, I will get a whole story with my brain and internal protector voices filling in the blanks. It's the same way with word games. My system shows me what words we can make out of other words. Some I connect to--others I don't. But the end result is that I see a few words that will be important--maybe not now but at a later time. Here is one puzzle. I have many many MILK clues. GOT MILK It wasn't until after my visit to Las Vegas that I finally understood this one. MK (mind control or MK Ultra) and LI --Area 51. While triggered out of my mind in Las Vegas, I filled up a notebook with thoughts coming out. One was that LI was the roman numeral for 51. And my alter Vivian holds Area 51 memories. I always knew VIVI was roman numerals but I was only getting 55 and 11 or 66 or backwards was 44. While driving around Nellis I wrote VI and the second VI underneath it like a math problem. VI VI Then one of me drew a vertical line between the Vs and the Is and a horizontal line between the two VI combinations. That's when I finally saw two 51s. I really had forgotten until that moment that Nellis was where Area 51 was. Got Milk? Try the message "go to MILK". This was a fun one. Sometimes while watching a movie my brain will start churning out clues and I know it's important because I get that triggered feeling. I was probably the only person in the world who cried at the theater showing of Rocky & Bullwinkle because one of the characters represented one of my alters who integrated during that movie. I've had a number of alters integrate during movies so I never know what I'm in for when I go to the theater. Very recently I received huge healing messages from the movie Cats & Dogs. So I just never know. This also happens with television. One day I was watching something on tv and had my notebook in hand, and started writing down Jeb Clampett, Ellie Mae, Max Baer, black gold. Later that day I was researching a very prominent family. In fact, in my fictional novel, we only ever referred to certain plant growth as ornamental shrubs or hedges. We never used the word bush. But there is a lot of "shrubbery" in my memories. I was actually researching Neil Bush and got to a website about Jeb. His real name is John Ellis Bush. His nickname is Jeb. And George Sr. made his fortune in black gold. I'd like to give one more example of how a television show helped with my healing. I had just found an alter inside. I knew she was trapped. I wasn't even sure who she was. I don't normally watch West Wing but this particular night that show had started. I was reaching for the remote to change the channel when I saw the episode title. It was called Ellie. Ellie was one of my first protector alters to appear. In the show, Ellie is the president's daughter. There was a scene where Ellie was in the oval office speaking to her father. When it is time to leave, Ellie looks confused because there are so many doors. Martin Sheen, who plays the president, pointed to the exit and said "That's the way out." The reaction inside me was immediate. My brain flashed on this collage: RED DOOR Open it. Open the red door. Then my brain flashed a second collage. This one: EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY Another red door among other colored doors. Then I knew who the alter was and she suddenly knew how to get out. GIRL WITH HAT This is part of one of my collages of Alice. Notice the person trapped inside the hat with three windows of different colors. Because of other pictures I have of colored doors, I knew she was programmed to believe that horrors were on the other side of the doors. She was afraid to open any of them. With that West Wing episode, she knew to open the red door safely to be free. I guess I should add here that the exercise of doing the collages sets my brain up for future messages. To connect to something I see externally, I see the collages in my head--like my protectors have a movie screen inside. They remember every collage I have. Sometimes I think my system is making it amusing or distracting for me while I'm getting my clues so I don't see the trauma as readily. It becomes a game to get the messages. I've even gotten messages from billboards and songs. I think the key is to be tuned in, to accept what you believe, to give your alters permission to give you the truth. And they will find ways to communicate it while bypassing the "speak no evil" programming. At one point earlier this year, I kept getting the message of Spencer Tracy. I thought it related to my alter Tracy and wasn't paying much attention to it otherwise. I also have many pictures of Henry Kissinger and have a sense that he was in my past, but I never had a system picture or an actual memory. I always have a system picture (or likeness of a perp) that my alters give me for validation. Sometimes I've gotten clues of celebrities where I've ended up printing out their filmographies--the list of movies they've been in which have turned out to be clues. The Spencer Tracy message got so annoying I decided to print out his filmography. I did. And look what was on the page. SPENCER TRACY Does he not look like a young Henry Kissinger? Now everytime I see Kissinger, I see the resemblance to Spencer Tracy. Many survivors seem afraid to believe their alters. They are afraid of screen memories or afraid of what they will learn. I can tell you that you will have screen memories because they intentionally created screen memories. Your alters aren't lying. Some may hide the truth because it is their job. But you will figure that out and you can work with the alter to stop the old job of blocking and start a new job with the objective of healing. Once they understand it was all lies, they usually give in. But some can be very stubborn because of their loyalty oaths. And the screen memories will become obvious when you get to the real memory of what they were trying to do. I don't mean to imply that a screen memory is not real. I use the term screen memory as what they want you to think happened so you don't get to what they were really trying to do to you in terms of programming. So just accept what comes up and thank the alter for sharing. Eventually, all the puzzle pieces will fit. But this way, you acknowledge your insiders and part of healing for them is finally being believed. I'd now like to discuss alter names for a minute. When I first began finding alters, I thought I was giving them names but I soon learned I was just being guided to their names. Sometimes the name just comes to me when I find a picture. Other times it will be months before I know the name. But I have learned not to question the name because some of them are not your normal names. Early in my memories, I found an alter named Tish. You can see how she got her name. TISH Logically I thought that couldn't be right so I scratched that out and made her name Trish (as in Patricia). Through researching programming sites I was led to Tisch Hospital in New York which made me think that maybe Tish's name was Tish after all and possibly a clue to this location. So I switched her name back to Tish. This was back in 1998. Just before my plane landed in Las Vegas, I had an urge to jot down the very first alters I could remember. Tish was one of them. And for the first time I saw that her name spelled another word. I nearly burst into tears that we had an alter named S H I T because it was associated with a horrendous type of abuse for me. At any rate, in retrospect, it was a very telling clue because by landing in Las Vegas, the TISH really hit the fan. Another way my system has of protecting me, is using what I call twin language. If you've seen the movie Nell you know what I'm talking about. It has been documented that twins can develop their own secret language to communicate and it is believed that this language develops in the womb. My alters all seem to use a type of twin language so I don't know what is going on until I'm supposed to know. One example is the word LEE. I had "lee" alters who were related to my emotions. (Peggy Lee, Buddy Lee, Vivian Leigh and many others.) It wasn't until I returned home from Las Vegas that I understood LEES were FEELINGS. And consider this connection. The only logical reason I had for wanting to explore the area near Nellis was because I had an alter named Nellie and I wondered where she got her name. It was at Nellis where they began the destruction of my emotions or spirit before I was three years old. And that movie Nell ties to the twin language. So we have Nellie leading me to Nellis leading me to the twin language of the movie Nell. Recovering memories has been a very interesting process. I will get what seems like a very detailed complete memory only to have another huge chunk reveal itself months later. I have also received very clear memories from several alters remembering the same event. But their interpretation from the inside was different from what I initially interpreted it to be through their collages. I had a memory of a "twin" named Rose being killed. I thought this was a child who was either a womb twin with me or an external twin since birth. In case you don't know, our programmers had a way of twinning or emotionally connecting or bonding us to an external person even from the womb. I also had three separate memories from alters remembering abortions. I showed one of these memories last year. But since last year's presentation, I realized that they weren't abortions and all three memories had a connecting clue. But the message was very clear when I finally got it. ANDREA/GORILLAS This is from my alter Andrea. Notice the file folder on the collage with the letter G. ANDREA/TOMBSTONE This is Andrea indicating the loss of a baby. There is even part of a birth control ad included in the collage. SYBIL/PIGS This is another alter's memory. Her name is Sybil. Notice the file folder with the letter P for pigs. The babies are also depicted as unborn pigs. SYBIL IN BLACK HAT And this is Sybil in images that appear as if she is pregnant. I'd like to briefly point out the picture in the upper right which is a woman missing her right breast. ELLIE/RATS This is Ellie with the third memory and a file folder with the letter R for rats and babies also depicted as unborn rats. Ellie also has this collage. BABY/PEARS The word BABY is actually cut up and put together. I think the word was originally ABBY. I've always seen the pear in this collage as a symbol for the womb and it is shown here twice split in half. ELLIE IN GAUZE This also goes with Ellie's abortion memory. Once again we have an alter missing her right breast. And finally we see a baby in the womb with the number 3. I originally saw the Q as representing something exiting the womb. But that wasn't the message. To connect these three memories, my system took related images from a single picture (the file folders), cut them up, and used them in different collages. I have found this in other memories as well--where we took a single clue, divided it up, and used different parts in different collages. I have learned that was a clue that the collages actually connected. So getting the message was similar to being split and then integrating. And the memory was so complicated, my system had to break it down which is why we first have what we think are three abortions. This was the memory of the part we knew as Baby being killed. My alters also knew her as Rose. She was my spirit. To my alters, Baby was killed. So actually using the metaphor of abortion was rather clever. And Baby was hidden in my womb--she didn't exit my womb. Well she has now because we found her and she is healed. Baby also represented my emotions. And the symbolism of removal of the right breast goes with repressed emotions for me. These weren't screen memories. This was how my alters remembered this event. And the death of my emotions was in three stages. We have recovered all of the emotions and put my spirit back together again. Rose is no longer "dead". But it took over three years from the time I started collaging Baby's death to understanding what had really happened. And there were actually three parts of me I knew as Baby. So we had to find all of them and then they integrated back into who we know as Rose. Ironically, as I uncovered each of what I thought were baby deaths, I planted a rose bush in their memory. Another method of healing that has provided me with some very important clues I call stuffed animal therapy. Stuffed animals became connected to my alters the day I found my alligator Howard. I'd had an alligator or crocodile in my pictures and I thought that because it was a scary animal that it represented a perp. But one day I was in a store and there was an alligator with big sad eyes just looking at me. Instead of a perp, I realized my alligator was a sad little. I bought the stuffed animal. I knew his name was Howard before I even left the store. I looked through my pictures of unidentified littles when I got home and found a little boy with the same sad eyes. HOWARD After acknowledging Howard through the alligator (as he originally saw himself), I found him inside as the human little boy. He said Howard meant hospital ward and that he needed tough skin for the needles so he made himself an alligator so the shots wouldn't hurt. After that experience I began to see stufffed animals in a different light. I saw it as another way my alters could communicate to me. And I truly believe that by holding and hugging the stuffed animals I was providing my insiders with a type of external affection and acceptance. I probably have over 30, but I wanted to share two special ones with you. The first is Elmo. (blue and green "martian" with 3 eyes) I bought this little guy and sat him on my computer shelf. He was there for months. I only knew his name was Elmo. Then I took a trip to Walter Reed that is outlined in my 1999 SMART Presentation which is on my website with the collages. It was Elmo who came out while I was on the premises of Walter Reed and got so triggered by the building we found. When we got home that evening, Elmo was still out and my husband talked to him. Elmo said he had the third eye not because he was a martian but because he remembered the third eye ceremony when we were about 3 years old. Then he said he was really a little boy and we had his picture. I had no recollection of a little boy that might have been Elmo but he said it was in the drawer with the other pictures. So we started going through the stack of pictures and this is what I found. ELMO Notice the same colors in the shirt that are on the doll. Also notice that the way the pea is positioned, it almost resembles or could indicate a third eye. I found other pictures of Elmo as well. OSHKOSH Here is a second picture. Again, he has the green and blue shirt on. Every picture I have of Elmo just about has the same colors. He was a very frightened little and responsible for a lot of my PTSD reactions at home until we integrated enough that the littles were more insulated. WHITE SEAL CUB This is my core part Baby. She is part of what was my broken spirit. And she was broken down so badly and represented my emotions that were killed or buried so that I didn't have conscious access to them. I think the programming to minimize my emotions was a control factor. But Baby has since been found and reunited with the rest of my spirit. Notice she is a baby seal cub. That's what I'm sure she felt like by the time they were finished with her--a clubbed baby seal. Baby is also pure white. I have a number of stuffed animals that are all white and that means Illuminati to me. But I still don't have all the messages to understand how I am considered Illuminati. I have a shelf of stuffed animals who are all white. I prefer to think of them as my alters or systems who are now fully free and out of the TISH. The final method of communication I'm going to share with you is how my alters have given me clues to my internal world. For some reason, I cannot just draw a picture. Aside from the fact that I have no drawing ability except for what littles will do, it seems we always have to use printed images. Maybe we received some kind of message of not to draw as well as not to speak. But this is how we bypassed that programming. BETWEEN THE LINES (Top of Map) This system map is rather amazing, at least in retrospect. I didn't understand most of it until the day I realized it showed me exactly how I was healing and I knew what I was going to deal with next. I have this taped together on display at my book table for anyone who wants to see it in one piece. It indicates five systems and in each system we placed book covers cut out from a Book of the Month Club flyer. The titles are very revealing. Rather than explain what this means to me, I really just wanted to show you what alters can do. A word of caution, there are a number of Wizard of Oz pictures and representations of Alice through the Looking Glass. The littles used Crayola paint, little sponges were used to create the textured effect, and we even have some colored sparkly glue. BROWN (BOTTOM OF MAP) Here is the lower portion of the system. In the lower right in the dark blue section is the word "Secrets". And you can see the secrets are buried underneath the ritual abuse. The last image I have is another system map where the littles used chalk and stickers of animals and road signs. Again, I don't want to try to interpret for you but you can see the same blue box of secrets with the "Do Not Enter" sign. I think it was with this picture that I understood the Zoo was also Oz, only backwards. I hope that at least some of what I have shared with you will be helpful to your healing. I have found that by opening myself up to listening to my alters and embracing their truths, they have given me answers in return, in the most amazing and creative ways. I am not the creative one--I think they are incredible to have given me these tools for healing. Before I end, I have a few quick announcements. One is that this presentation along with the collages will be placed on my website in a few months. My website has my 1999 and 2000 SMART presentations as well as a page devoted to how scrapbook therapy has helped me. The website is www.paperclipdolls.com. Secondly, I want to acknowledge my very good friend Carol Rutz who spent years and countless hours researching for her book A Nation Betrayed. She has put together what I think every government mind control survivor has to do initially to understand our history. I wish I'd had that book three years ago. Finally, I'd like to tell you that my friend Jennifer has the voice of an angel. Her music is both beautiful and haunting. I highly recommend her CDs. Her music is to her what my scrapbook therapy is to me. You have to hear it to understand what I mean. You can find her music on the web at http://puzzleelement.iuma.com Thank you all very much for your time and attention. ----- Aloha, He'Ping, Om, Shalom, Salaam. Em Hotep, Peace Be, All My Relations. Omnia Bona Bonis, Adieu, Adios, Aloha. Amen. Roads End <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/";>www.ctrl.org</A> DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. Substance—not soap-boxing—please! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory'—with its many half-truths, mis- directions and outright frauds—is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRLgives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. 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