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You couldn't invent this stuff.
[Its actually true]
Are we sitting comfortably - then lets begin ....
long long ago in a united kingdom far away there was a war with the nasty
argentinians - who seemed to want lots of the antarctic oil reserves around
their islands called the malvinas - which the cheeky chappies of her britannic
majesty queen lizardbirth no2
had decided really belonged to the empire - after
all, a bunch of foul smelling sheepherding chappies couldn't possibly run the
place properly by themselves.
many were the heroes of the empire conscripted to
fight for the empire of liz - and the call went out far and wide to find itself
on the table of the local office of Kombat 18 - the neonazi unit formed by MI5
to [deniably] deal with problems arising from a leftist government. And so Tony,
the head of this elite supertroop of nazi skinheads who usually went out to
paint the town red - usually any town - and blood red - rather like in high
plains drifter - found himself unable to resist the call to rejoin his tank unit
and move away from the deep cover of Brighton and the English Midlands to the
trench warfare of the falkland islands. Now Tony had a friend in
the airforce - and this gallant pilot flew - presumably
harriers.
Now Tony, even though he was a trained special
forces assassin was a very decent sort of chappie really and seeing the
unnecessary waste of manpower - to take absurdly unimportant objectives - on
both sides - he came up with a plan to defy orders to attack and defend an small
airstrip.
He got his friend in the harrier, and his artillery
to pound the living crap out of the airstrip rendering it useless as a military
objective and saved lots of lives in the process.
Now Colonel Blimp and Major Problem decided to
courtmartial this unruly chappie and his pilot friend - and taking their
compassionate streak into account 'volunteered' them for a 'special
operation'
Enter madame Voltaire. madame Voltaire turned up at
my discussion group in edinburgh scotland to help us fight some sort of
non-existent revolution. Alas she turned out to be a ball breaker with a hatred
of men, an illuminati witch trained at a special school and seemed adept at
wanting to Mind Kontrol everybody - particularly me.
She told me about this person called lady Athena
mcCue - a hermaphroditic Ninja, special forces person - high priestess of the
fellowship of isis, a re-incarnation of adolf hitler, former head of Kombat 18,
generally very good with the Longbow, a person who will head the new elite
re-education centres in scotland, and who is head of the amazon army - a group
of surgically modified special forces soldiers who had all sets of equipment -
if you get my meaning.
She used to be Tony - but is now Hier to the Throne
of Scotland on the dalriadan line and wants to urgently get the pretender
Prince Michael of Albany into bed.
To me this sounded like The Jocky
Horror Picture Show.
I sort of recoiled at that - that didn't sound
natural that didn't - and she er I mean he has lots of hand held ninja weapons
all over the walls of her house - erm sounds like he couldn't let go of his
masculinity and is overcompensating.
Madame Voltaire however persisted with the
theme that i should meet lady Athena - erm dunno aboot that - er I have this
arrangement to go and see a friend in the western isles ...the outer
hebrides.
and that is pronounced heb-ri-dees not he-brides
!!!
Mrs Voltaire had dropped Tony/Athena off each day
as he/she completed her programming down in the english military area around
norwich -
well as luck had it I spoke to the Mrs Athena on
the phone when mrs Voltaire passed the phone to me, and found her to be very
assertive but also found out elsewhere - still on active duty with the Ministry
of Defence - doing some surveillance thing in north west scotland.
I had this feeling that there was a bit of unusual
trouble around here - she/he suggested that i do some office type work -
but luckily some other guy in Fife stepped in much to his eventual
horror.
I went to Mrs Voltaires House and suggested that
perhaps lady A was perhaps going to find the competition for places in her
Unit a bit tough - you know me - I'm game for a wind up - especially with
madame Voltaire - my would be handler on the go -
The next day as i stood at the bus stop - some very
burly muscular young lady walked up to me and as i saw that she was
tracking my movements - I glimpsed her profile and saw a very severe nose job on
what had been a roman nose.
Well I knew Mrs Voltaire was getting a bit
impatient - the transferrence processes were not working too well and I appeared
to be resistant to mind control - even though she suggested 3 times in seperate
conversations that I pay her phone bill - if anybody really knew me - they
would realise that the thought of parting
with money makes any scotsman as tough as a wild haggis.
Mrs Voltaire was invited to a UFO party - where she
appeared to be behaving oddly - she had said that a group of shadowy illuminati
english millionaires were her influencers, and also that Lady Athena regularly
met with a council of Global Matriarchs from all sorts of organisations such as
Raja Yoga and Interfaith. Also the fellowship of Isis was patronised by most of
the House of Lords in westminster.
I realised that one of Adolfs ambitions was to
re-instate the Aryan race as hermaphroditic and indeed madame blavatsky tells us
that the next root race number 6 is hermaphroditic and aryan - the original
aryans of the garden of eden were also - until mankind was created sexual and
imperfect ...
So Mrs Voltaire turned up at the UFO party and
suggested that I should cross dress - well that was nothing new for Mrs Voltaire
- who had already suggested that it was time that I was
'reconstructed'
I said - what I am going to do that for - I'm
perfectly happy as I am - she said but you've got to be less male, less
aggressive and more balanced - whit i said - I'm a wonderful guy - but you
should sit in a corner wearing a pink dress and flick through magazines and be
humiliated in front of lots of butch men, I've never heard such manhating shite
in my life - You'll salute me in my gestapo Uniform retorted madame
Voltaire.
And to this day - the security service talks dirty
to me - and why not - they haven't got anything else to do :)
andrew hennessey [Book or film rights negotiable :)
]
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