-Caveat Lector-
an excerpt from:
Ritual Abuse
Margaret Smith©1993
HarperCollins Publishers
10 East 53rd Street
New York, NY 10022
ISBN 0-06-250214-X
213pps — out-of-print
--[5]--
Chapter 5
The Abusers
Most people don't understand the all-encompassing cycle of ritual abuse. They
think that getting away from the cults is as simple as making the choice to
leave. I know better Everyone raised in it and entrenched in the way I was
knows better
If you were raised in a cult, leaving is the most painful and difficult thing
you will ever do. Not only does the cult come after you most of the time, but
you have to worry about your own personalities beings manipulated and tricked
into returning. And the isolation and pain you feel as you leave is
unbearable. In order to protect themselves, survivors who were raised in
cults have to give up their entire family and all their friends to go into a
world that, overall, doesn't believe them or support their life changes in a
healing manner
The cult I was raised in has a history. People who are in it today are the
modern players of a religion that has been passed on for centuries. My
abusers were people. They were not monsters, even though what they did to me
was monstrous. Sometimes I saw their aching and longing for change. My
cult-boss once told me, I know what we are doing is wrong, but we don't know
how to stop it." Cult abusers are not there because ritual abuse is fun. Many
of them are there because they can see no way out.
Many violent cults keep their members by telling them lies that make members
feel self-hating and helpless. The lies are difficult to differentiate from
truth because the person telling the lies has been brainwashed. Everyone in
the cult believes the lies to be truth, and the insanity is passed on from
generation to generation as unquestionable wisdom.
I support survivors who hate their abusers. I respect survivors who swear to
themselves they will never turn out like the people who hurt them. I do not
want to deny survivors their right to feel angry.
This anger is justified; it is what gives us the power to change. But I also
want people to understand that for too many survivors, ritual abuse
victimization does not end in childhood.
CHILDREN WHO ARE TRAINED TO BE ABUSIVE
Cults that ritually abuse children set up situations in which children are
forced to molest and sometimes kill other children. Ritually abused children
are drugged, lied to, emotionally tormented, and manipulated with threats
until they commit the violent acts Children who react to their orders with
fear or sorrow are taunted and humiliated by other group members. The
children have no physical escape from the room in which the violence occurs.
They have no choice but to comply with the demands of their abusers.
Ritually abused children in these situations must adapt. They stop feeling
their initial emotions of fear and grief and replace these appropriate
emotions with behavior modeled by their abusers. They learn to laugh at
victims who writhe in pain. They make fun of people who are crying or afraid.
They adopt the belief systems of their abusers in order to avoid more pain.
These children are not bad. They are not evil. They are in a situation that
they cannot change, and they do whatever they have to in order to survive.
If the children continue to be exposed to the cult environment, they grow up
to act abusively in cults. Because they were raised in cults where they were
forced to abuse others, these trained abusers' minds are no longer their own.
Even though they abuse children in rituals-with no visible coercion-they are
still controlled by the cult. All the years of torture, training, and
manipulation are the unseen coercion that makes adult cult members feel
helpless to change.
Here is one personality's memory of the process:
I never abused animals or children outside of the cult experience. Most of my
rage and hatred was vented on the men I dated. I would fantasize about
killing them, but I never acted violently. I was afraid of being thrown in
jail. I was afraid of people hating me. My cult deliberately programmed me
never to be violent outside of the cult experience. This kept me from giving
away any secrets about the cult. It made me able to hold respectable roles in
the community.
I never remembered the ritual abuse in my daily life. If the cult wanted to
talk to me, they had to access me using triggers to speak to my cult
personalities. I was primarily involved in cult activities that took place in
the middle of the night.
Getting ready for a ritual was like going to the bathroom in the middle of
the night. I woke up in a seemingly hypnotic state. I wasn't excited. I
didn't feel anything. I was a zombie acting on orders. Once I arrived at a
ritual, I felt at home. I felt a final sense of relief and belonging, that I
no longer had to hide anything or pretend I was something I was not. it felt
great to finally be in my cult personalities, and I didn't have to worry
about censoring their thoughts and feelings. Talking to my cult friends
before ritual was often a very enjoyable experience.
The rituals themselves varied a great deal. Usually, we just waited for
orders about what ritual we were going to perform that evening. Those in
charge told us to change into costumes and to put on our makeup. Sometimes we
performed skits. Other times we did elaborate ceremonies to celebrate
holidays. Sometimes we singled out a member for torture and programming.
Everything seemed planned and organized, as if there were some script
somewhere that we had to follow.
The ritual itself was extremely emotional. People cried, screamed, or
laughed. Sometimes rituals were based on fertility and love. In these
rituals, there was no violence. We watched two people who seemed to be truly
in love court one another. At other times, we watched the same two people
torture and betray each other. Rituals always seemed to end in pain and
betrayal. It was peoples nightmares coming true.
After the ritual was cleanup. They taught us to be immaculate. As a child, I
had to scrub the blood off the floor in the bathroom for hours even after
there was not a trace of anything left. They had me scrape under my
fingernails. Cleanup was the most painful part of the ritual for me.
After I was cleaned up, I went home and crawled back into bed.
Usually, I was only gone for two or three hours, from around 1 A.M. to 4 A.M.
I always wondered why I needed ten to twelve hours of sleep a night. Now that
I am out of the cult, I get by on just eight hours of sleep.
ADULTS WHO RITUALLY ABUSE CHILDREN
Behavioral geneticists say that our genetic makeup mutually interacts with
our experiences to determine our behavior. Some ritual abusers are
biologically predisposed toward aggressive behavior; other ritual abusers are
genetically timid. But biology is only a fraction of what contributes to
human behavior. In the case of ritual abuse, the environment creates abusers.
No matter what a persons biological predisposition, the cult forces both
adults and children to hurt others. Even adult ritual abusers are victimized
by other adults. Adults who do not act abusively during rituals are taunted
and humiliated just like children.
Adult ritual abusers fall into four primary categories. Some adult abusers
are amnesic of their cult involvement. Other adults were indoctrinated into
the group by the use of unsavory tactics. The following section describes
adult ritual abusers in detail.
Adults Raised in Cults and Currently Amnesic
It appears that most adults who are in these cults today were raised in them
and don't remember having been abused. They dissociated from the ritual
abuse when it was happening, developing multiple personalities. As adults,
they have personalities who still return to the cult. in their daily lives,
however, they are amnesic of their current cult involvement.
These survivors are unable to leave the cults because of amnesia. Clearly, if
you're not aware of the abuse until it is happening, you cant protect
yourself from tactics used by the cult to control your behavior.
Most of these adult cult members spent the first eighteen years of their
lives being brainwashed by the cults. The cults deliberately attempted to
create unconditionally loyal personalities in these survivors in order to
control them for the rest of their lives. The group is able to access amnesic
survivors by triggering them with information they received under torture.
After the survivors are triggered, they have no memory of their behavior. The
cults also programmed these survivors to think in self-destructive ways, to
believe they are innately defective-misfits in the world. They are programmed
to believe the only people who care about them are current cult members. The
amnesia they experience in their daily lives, along with this programmed
emotional bondage, keeps these members from planning an escape.
The amnesic members of cults are extremely traumatized, physically and
emotionally. They did whatever they had to do in order to survive. These
people had no choice but to conform to the beliefs of the group. Some
personalities in their multiple systems have internalized the belief systems
of the group. The cult is the home of these personalities, who will do
anything to protect their home. They are desperate to justify their cult
life, which they feel utterly helpless to change.
Adults Raised in Cults and Not Currently Amnesic
Some adults who were raised in these cults do remember their childhood ritual
abuse and are also aware of their current cult involvement. These cult
members are permanently in the cult personalities formed during their own
trauma. These survivors are stuck in cults for the same reasons as amnesic
survivors, except these people are aware of their dilemma. They are in the
cult as a result of their own childhood trauma. They didn't choose to join a
group that ritually abuses children. This way of life was forced on them.
Although they remember their current cult involvement, they are still
multiples who are controlled by intensive programming.
Amnesic Adults Who Were Ritually Abused as Children and joined a Violent
Group as an Adult
The third type of abuser consists of adults who were raised in cults, but
don't remember it. Later in life, they may inadvertently join a group that
ritually abuses children. Some adult survivors actively seek out groups that
practice violent rituals. Others join secret societies or fraternal
organizations for business opportunities and are pulled into a violent cult
through the intensive indoctrination procedure.
At the beginning of the indoctrination process, new members are taught to
tolerate differences in religious beliefs. The new members read about a
variety of religious belief systems, which leads them to question their own
moral and religious beliefs. At this vulnerable point, cults require members
to read about cultures that practiced adult and child sacrifices. Slowly, the
members learn a belief system that allows them to justify the use of violence
during rituals.
As these adult ritual abuse survivors learn about the violent belief system
of the group, they resonate with beliefs reminiscent of their own childhood
ritual abuse. For the first time in their lives, the deepest trauma in their
experience, their own abuse-even though they dont consciously remember it-is
finally being talked about and justified on a philosophical level.
Next, these new members witness or participate in moderately sexualized,
violent rituals. First, they may see an animal sacrificed in a ritual
performed by the group. The group justifies the act based on the previously
learned philosophies. For example, the group may tell the new member that the
animal was not killed, but rather it was sacrificed in order to teach all the
members of the group about the natural process of life and death. Naked women
may also be present at the ritual as a symbol of the purity of our natural
birth form. After the new member participates in a sexualized, violent ritual
and crosses the first line breaking standard morality, the group then has the
most effective tactic to keep the person loyal and silent. The group may
threaten to tell the new member's family about his or her participation in
the violent rituals.
Most violent occult groups require members to work through degrees or levels.
As they graduate to higher levels, members learn more about the philosophy
and the structure of the group as a whole, and rituals become more violent.
Eventually, they learn to question every aspect of standard morality, and to
accept more justifications for violence and group sexual acts. The more
violence the members see in rituals, the more intense are the threats to
remain silent.
Because these people are aware of their current cult involvement, but unaware
of their own ritual abuse history, they are easily manipulated by the cults.
They not only feel the guilt and shame for their present behavior, but they
also feel an intense unidentified deeper shame that is a result of their own
ritual abuse. This shame is what keeps them trapped.
Adults Who Were Not Ritually Abused and Who Join Violent Cults
The final group is adult cult members who were not ritually abused as
children. Some of these people are pulled into violent cults through the
intensive indoctrination process described above. Because the systematic
violence that occurs in cults would be difficult for anyone who was not
extremely dissociative to witness, it is likely that these people must have
been exposed to a major trauma at some point in their lives-such as incest or
parental abuse-that made them numb and vulnerable to the lure of extreme
sexualized violence.
EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES OF ABUSERS
Ritual abusers themselves have undergone emotional experiences that allow
them to act violently and abusively. Commonly, abusers suffer from loss of
love, lack of emotion, and numbness.
Loss of Love
Love allows us to feel compassion and warmth for others. It is the emotion
that must be silenced in order to create abusers. Most cult programming is
designed to destroy the spontaneity of feeling love for oneself and others.
What is so powerful about the experience of love that the cult must destroy
it to create abusers? Love is the fullness we feel in our hearts and the
warmth that draws us to other people. it is the yearning we feel deep inside
that makes us want to be right next to the people who make us feel good
inside. Love is about understanding and giving. No love is more powerful than
the love we first felt for ourselves. The fullness belonged to us, and
anything that threatened to take it away became "bad." Anything that
threatened to hurt our hearts, making us feet the less comfortable emotions
of anger, fear, and sorrow, became our own inner sense of what was "evil."
This fullness was a daily part of our lives as children. Along with the
fullness came the intensity of all the other feelings when the fullness was
threatened. We felt anger, the love of ourselves that said, "Don't take this
feeling of love away!" We felt fear, which said, "my existence is
threatened:' and told the body to move and find protection. We felt the
sorrow that lets us know something has been lost, that tells us the fullness
cannot always be, but we can cry about it and give ourselves room to feel it
once again. If we don't feel the anger that says, "Stop!", if we don't feel
the fear that says, "Get me out of here!", if we dont feel the sorrow that
says, "It won't change. This hurts!", then there is never room for the
fullness to return.
Children abused in these violent cults are constantly told to not feel. They
are taught that love is about betrayal. They are laughed at when they show
their affection for others. Most Christian-based cults teach that the only
true love is the amorphous, undefined love of God or Jesus. By discounting or
not allowing the children to feel the love inside their hearts-and by
labeling love as a spiritual concept out of their reach-the children become
isolated from the selfprotective power of their own emotions. They are never
allowed to feel the fullness that gives all the other emotions room to emerge.
Children abused in these cults are not allowed to feel sad. When they cry,
others make fun of them. Sorrow is a sign of weakness in the eyes of the
abusers. If you show other people that something has hurt you, you are made
to feel worse. Ritually abused children are not allowed to feel happy either.
The cults tell the children that they have no right to smile when so many
people in the world are suffering. For example, during a violent ritual
scene, they tell a child who has found a few moments of relief playing in the
corner, "How can you smile and laugh when your friend is being tortured?"
Children abused in these cults are not allowed to feel fear. The abuse itself
initially causes intense fear in the victims. The only way children survive
the attacks is to stop the fear from overwhelming them. Children who are
abused in these violent cults never feel safe from the abusers. If the
children allowed themselves to feel their fear, they would be afraid
constantly.
Finally, even though the activities of these cults are fueled by anger,
children in the cults are taught when to be angry and who to be angry with.
Anger is not allowed to be an expression of selfprotection. The cults only
allow anger if it is expressed in ways that are socially acceptable to the
group. In the cults, anger is the emotion the cults manipulate to force the
children to commit acts of violence. For example, after a child expresses
anger at the abusers, the cult forces her to vent the rage onto an innocent
victim.
Because the children are never allowed to feel their true emotions, soon they
learn not to feel at all. What they feel inside their hearts becomes silent
and numb. Their minds tell them what they feel without any input from their
emotions. This leaves the children open to any mental manipulation used by
the cult to control their behavior.
Lack of Emotion
Ritual abuse causes physiological changes in the body that result in a lack
of emotional sensation. When children experience no emotions, they are easily
manipulated by the controlling adults.
Here's a personal reflection from a survivor:
I can tell you that I experience feelings from my brain, but I rarely
experience feelings inside my body. From my Adam's apple to my navel, I am
empty. When I say I am angry, it is a thought in my brain. There is rarely a
tightening in my chest or a physical sensation that I identify that goes
along with the thought. Only a few times a month do I feel sensations in my
chest area, and almost always they are painful feelings of aching or
tightening that are short in duration.
My inability to feel is the most devastating result of the trauma. I am
hollow and empty. As a child, I do remember feelings in my chest area. I can
remember aching and hurting so bad, swearing that I would never be hurt like
that again. Well, my prayers were answered.
I know what it would take to bring feeling back into that area. I can feel
sensations start sometimes when I talk about the ritual abuse. It always
starts with the most uncomfortable tension and pain, not felt in my chest
area, but rather it feels like a huge presence outside of me that is trying
to push its way into me. And as it moves in, I get headaches and a dull,
poisonous pain in all the cells of my body. The discomfort is unbearable,
nothing seems to soothe it, and I still don't feel a solid emotion in my
chest that would allow me to relieve the pain by screaming, raging, or crying,
If I can wait out the escalating pain and discomfort for days, something that
is impossible for me to do when I have to put on a chipper face to go to
work, finally emotion emerges in my chest area. Then I feel alive. The
process is worth that feeling of life, but the process is also impossible
when there is no safety in my life allowing me to experience the first
initial sensations of anxiety and discomfort.
Without our feelings, we have no reason to wake up in the morning, no reason
to deal with any of the injustices that happen to us in the world. Our
feelings are what give us the motivation to find happiness and justice. For
many people, the emptiness inside makes them feel like they might as well be
dead. If nothing felt good, ever, would it be worth it to stay alive and
struggle just to survive? Many survivors of ritual abuse face this question
every day.
Numbness
Survivors are triggered by experiences that remind them of the ritual abuse.
When this happens, the lack of emotion turns into an uncomfortable numb
sensation. Numbness is literally a numb, dead, tingly, sensation that covers
unbearable pain. The numb sensation is more uncomfortable than no emotions,
driving survivors to try to experience some kind of genuine emotion or
physical sensation. it's not surprising that survivors often turn to
addictions when the numb sensation emerges. Drugs, overeating, sexual
acting-out, and so on temporarily relieve the numbness and return the body to
the state of no emotions.
At times, such as when a memory of abuse surfaces, the numb sensation becomes
so strong that nothing can stop it. Sometimes victims feel a desire to
reenact their own abuse to alleviate the numbness. Hurting others makes them
feel closer to the parts of themselves that disassociated during their own
trauma. Abusers finally see their own pain reflected on the face of their
victims. Instead of actually remembering their own pain and victimization,
they connect to their own pain by witnessing it in someone else. Although the
feelings abusers experience after committing a sexually violent act are not
necessarily pleasurable, for some abusers stopping the numb feeling outweighs
the later pangs of guilt. However, by not honestly confronting their
victimization and pain, abusers never find relief. They compulsively continue
to victimize others, with no end to their suffering.
THE ABUSERS OF SURVIVORS
More than half of the survivors in this study said their abusers were their
parents (see Table 5.1). Our relationships with our family members are our
primary relationships. The fact that parents can ritually abuse their own
children, betraying their most intimate relationships, indicates just how
isolated and disconnected abusers are from their feelings.
Nearly all of the identified abusers were functioning members of their
communities (see Table 5.2). in light of the dynamics of disassociation, it
is not surprising that ritual abuse perpetrators are able to function so
well. It is their ability not to feel that makes them capable of going to
work during the day and torturing or killing people at night. if they did
feel their emotions, they would be unable to function in the world but would
also be unable to participate in the ritual abuse of children.
Table 5.1 The Perpetrators of the Ritual Abuse
Fathers 67% Uncles 27%
Mothers 42% Physicians (not family) 33%
Grandfathers 31% Priests/Ministers (not family) 17%
Grandmothers 23% Teacher (not family) 17%
Aunts 21%
Table 5.2 Occupations of Fathers Identified as Perpetrators of Ritual Abuse
Attorney Mechanical engineers (2)
Building contractor Medical professional
Chemist Miner
Electrical, chemical, and mechanical Phone company employee
engineer Physician
Electrical engineer Plumber
Factory workers (2) Realtor
Farmer Salesman
Fence builder Semiskilled laborer
File clerk Steel mill manager
Foreman electrician Supervisor of projection department
Government worker Taxi driver
High-security government employee Teacher
in computer technology Upholsterer
Hydro worker US. Army officer
Locksmith Vice-president of a New York City
Manager of a grange store bank
Occupations of Mothers Identified as Perpetrators of Ritual Abuse
Beauticians (3) Sales clerk
Housewives (6) Secretary
Locksmith Teachers (2)
Mechanical engineer Teacher for emotionally disturbed
Occupational therapist for children
emotionally disturbed children Waitress
Occupations of Other Identified Perpetrators
Auto mechanic Bishop
Bartender Carpenter
Chauffeur Owned a produce company
Computer programmer Pharmaceutical clerk
Construction worker Psychiatrists
Day-care coordinator Police officers
Educational recruiter Politicians
Electrician Postmaster
Engineer Professor
Executive secretary Ranchers
Factory workers School library superintendent
Farmers Security guard
Foreman State trooper
High school principal Students
Institutionalized in a psychiatric Sunday school teacher
hospital Traveling recruiter
Insurance salesman Unemployed
judges U.S. Air Force, top security
Lawyers clearance
Medical professionals U.S. Army generals
Mental health professional Veterinarians
Morticians Weatherman
Nurse
Similar Occupations of Perpetrators of Ritual Abuse
Physicians 35% Priests/Ministers 22%
Teachers 25% Police officers 15%
AT WHAT AGE WERE SURVIVORS ABUSED?
Many violent cults start torturing and brainwashing victims when they are
still unable to talk. For most survivors, the abuse continues until they are
removed from the abusive environment. Some survivors never were removed from
the abusive environment and continued to be abused until they were in their
twenties, thirties, and forties. Two survivors said the abuse was still
happening today (see Tables 5.3 and 5.4). Although a small percentage of the
survivors in this study did say the abuse was still happening, other
survivors reported being severely revictimized when they were falsely accused
of ongoing cult involvement.
I asked a minister to officiate at a funeral/memorial service for my babies
that had been sacrificed in rituals. I did this last year in hopes of putting
some closure on the painful issue of my babies, and also it would give me a
ceremony/ritual to honor them and say goodbye. The minister anonymously
turned me into the police for child abuse, and an investigative team came out
to my house because they had been told I was sacrificing babies in my home.
They assessed the report was untrue. Because I speak in the community about
ritual abuse, the police felt this report to be a threat and that I might be
in danger. They taught me how to protect myself, but for three days my
daughter and I lived in terror. Finally, my therapist and I put the pieces
together and guessed it could only be this minister. I confronted the
minister, who admitted being the one making the report. There was a
semiapology made, but the minister felt she had to protect herself, both from
me and any cult I might be involved in. She had no understanding of what it
is to be a child victim. This ordeal was so traumatic for me that I've not
yet been able to approach anyone else to perform the ceremony I still feel I
want and need.
THE QUESTION OF RESPONSIBILITY
Young children cannot be expected to protect themselves. They do not have the
power to change the world in order for them to be safe.
Table 5.3 Age at Which the Abuse Began (in years)
0 to 3 65% 10 to 11 4%
4 to 5 12% 12 to 13 0%
6 to 7 8% 14 to 15 2%
8 to 9 0% Do not know 9%
Table 5.4 Age at Which the Abuse Ended (in years)
5 to 10 21% 31 to 35 2%
11 to 15 29% 36 to 40 4%
16 to 20 14% Reports of abuse today 4%
21 to 25 8% Do not know 14%
26 to 30 4%
Only adults have this power. Adults are the ones who are responsible for
protecting children.
All people who commit injustices against other people, consciously or
unconsciously, have a responsibility to the victims and to themselves. The
act of violation leads to isolation and pain. People who have made mistakes
and have violated others need to find the strength to heal their own wounds
and take care of themselves. Only when they have taken care of themselves are
they genuinely able to give to others. A drowning person cannot throw a child
a life preserver.
After taking care of themselves, after creating a safe, gentle place of
compassion inside themselves for themselves, abusers can begin to look
outward to those they have hurt. They can genuinely right the wrongs they
have committed. The most wonderful gift an abuser can give to a victim is the
truth, a complete confession owning all responsibility for the abuse.
Next comes financial responsibility for the damage inflicted on the victim.
Some abusers unconditionally provide funding for the victim's therapy. An
abuser who cannot support the victim financially can find other ways to help
in the healing process.
Never did the victim cause the abuse. The abuser is always the one
responsible. Abusers must find the courage to heal themselves. It is through
their healing that abusers are able to mend the separation they feel from
other people.
SUMMARY OF KEY POINTS
Children from all around the United States are telling us that they have been
systematically abused during rituals. Adults suffering from the same
traumatic symptoms as war veterans and torture survivors say they were abused
in violent rituals. Both adult and child survivors of ritual abuse who
remember the violence experience flashbacks and become overwhelmed with
physical and emotional pain.
In nearly all cases, the victims report they were abused by two or more
adults. Some people report they grew up in a cult and unwillingly continued
to be a cult member as an adult. These survivors were traumatized by
systematic brainwashing and torture into an unwanted amnesia of their
behavior. They formed multiple personalities, some of which are controlled by
the cult, and these programmed personalities return to the cult to avoid
further torture and emotional cruelty.
Most people involved in violent cults would not choose to be there. if they
could find a way out, they would leave. Many of the current members of
violent cults were raised in cults and are unable to get out due to amnesia,
threats, and trauma. The remaining members were indoctrinated into the belief
system when they joined a secret society or fraternal organization. Threats
of harm to themselves or to their families prevent them from leaving the
group.
Violent cults are extremely sadistic, and abusers appear to take pleasure in
other people's pain. Sadistic pleasure is a result of disassociation, which
stops numbness and their own memories of abuse. Cult involvement is a
victimizing experience for all members. Most people are forced to be there.
After members relinquish hope for change in their own lives, they try to pull
others into the same misery. On an unspoken level, they believe that if they
have to be in the cult and be as miserable as they are, at least they are not
in it alone.
pps. 103-119
--[cont]--
Aloha, He'Ping,
Om, Shalom, Salaam.
Em Hotep, Peace Be,
Omnia Bona Bonis,
All My Relations.
Adieu, Adios, Aloha.
Amen.
Roads End
Kris
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