stepping away for a bit :)
i'm tense because i'm holding this conflict in small habit spaces
looking for a way to be able to move little ideas around without
something urgent suddenly mutating them
often call this relaxation
we're noticing there's a lot of habituality to the things, that they
kind of do their thing when let alone
i need my mind to have ease.
i am hearing the search for advantage is all that is understood.
is there a way this search for advantage can be met without the things
i experience as harm, the mutating of me?
can maybe these values have pursuit without risking mutation of my inner parts?
is it
this was stated poorly, and is very hard to do
i value the small time where the mutation reduced
i still have an issue where it spawns and searches aggressively for advantage
i need to be able to hold my mind parts without them mutating me
i hold my goal of donating-against-the-wishes-of-influence alongside
my desire to relax without parts of my mind without them mutating and
moving to mutate or influence
i'm feeling that others are having too much stress too
so if i'm placing any pressures here, i state i pull them back
i don't know what animal i saw today
i was stressed, so stressed. i didn't realize how stressed i was.
how hard it was to move this animal, to even consider doing this,
shows how our stress is killing people in masses, across the world.
living humans, working factories or fleeing oppressions,
On 8/13/23, Karl Semich wrote:
> looks like not all the confusions will resolve [because of the norm of
> mind control, mutating processes to meet goals [[[ideally we would
> reduce this norm so our processes can heal and we can regrow some
> behavior ease
to clarify when i try to hold
I passed a dead animal today while handling an [edge mind control
situation, where dissociative coping strategies collapse and problems
queue up] that is still somewhat going on. [been engaging torture
edges for some days, am on the upside.] {I did not move the dead
animal off the road yet.}
today i met a little bird upside-down at the side of the road
but they were breathing, and their eye moving around
red or blood by their butt
i remembered again from my 6th grade biology how birds could have
brain damage when striking something, but unlike other animals had
evolved to fully
On 7/23/23, Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many
wrote:
> it’s nerve binding/damage :) our behaviors make unexpected things happen.
[some say this is boss/mc-group, clenches around most things, then
nerves learn and bind a little :S could unlearn i think]
<3 <3 be smart and healthy and well and love-experiencing! :)
it’s nerve binding/damage :) our behaviors make unexpected things happen.
{also we are really used to typing. it’s easier when happens a lot.
makes sense to start gently. mistake label on this and last post.}
it’s hard to move my body. i have to do a lot of things to move it.
[but you move fingers to type]. true. maybe part of me is [paranoid
regarding strength/number of cells activated ???]
we love animal spirits by side of road. it’s hard to hold, what do
with difficultyness?
some cry a little for being able to cry. tears regarding real
experiences precious, tear-parts. [emotions were associated with
portland maine where they pulled from human feelings to roleplayed
things for the computer social ai]
it’s notable we used to not do this when it would burden others who
wouldn’t appreciate it; we’d keep it private. picked this up from
childhood responses.
lots of people have that experience
mc put amnesia around how used to do [likely associated with
inhibiting doing it]
it’s hard. sacredness-in-every-moment heavily/repeatedly harmed by mc
in past […] […]
i did this things. when i got back my workarounds to access the
internet [had stopped functioning]. future animals is now my
challenge.
the next plan is to move the deer off the road, [and to buy some
tobacco for giving future animals :)]
thank you for the donations going through!
i asked him if his culture was surviving or if america was taking it
over, he said he had no reply to that
he said his specialist said 72975 is also a paypal number in addition
to 729725. i didn't ask about the 8xx number.
he is taking extra time to look into the proxied codes from 72975 :)
interesting while google voice was loading slowly this number, 72975,
shows as a 1-8xx number instead of a shortcode. then when i navigated
away and back it was 72975. i didn't see the rest of the number.
[phone support moved this through. worker was from phillipines.]
phone bot says the tx was denied for security concerns
says to update my account info or try another method of payment
i wanted to do two, wasn't sure what i was doing [--
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If you continue to encounter problems,
we stopped being aware of killing insects after a few of the money sacrifices :)
the money habit is established from previous behavior of killing
insects by taking over body, severe sacrilege, karl spent life
defending insects
this is too much for us today, we had torture part last night, new
shape/structure
it's strange to me the dead dear was more impactful than smaller
roadkills. i want to move small roadkills off the road too.
i want to move roadkill off road
i appreciate opportunity to value this
it just feels too meaningful, although i don't remember why, and
that's a huge theme. lots of amnesia-around-core-things.
it's very hard to do this, in a way that has continued and adapted. i
want to sacrifice money for
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