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Historic discovery-reason for Dec 7, 1941 attack
Cambridge, Mass. Celebrated historian Bertram Oxley has uncovered a
memorandum
from former Japanese Emperor Hirohito to Admiral Yamamoto dated December 6,
1941, showing that the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was motivated by an
offensive film made by Charlie Chaplin ridiculing Japanese cuisine.
“Contrary to historical accounts over the last seventy years,” Professor Oxley
said in an interview today with the BBC, “What appeared to be a meticulously
planned surprise attack was actually a spontaneous demonstration by moderate
sushi connoisseurs in the Imperial Navy in response to a hateful and offensive
movie. Thereafter, extremist elements within the Japanese military co-opted the
spontaneous attack, transforming it into the overseas contingency operation
sometimes referred to as ‘World War II.’”
The discovery has created a sensation in scholarly circles. “This is a
remarkable find,” declared Reginald Smythe, chairman of the Progressive
Historians Association and former Obama State Department official. “Had
President Roosevelt condemned this movie instead of uttering that infernal
‘Day of Infamy’ provocation the war could have been avoided and millions of
lives would have been saved.”
Reached at his home in Houston, former President George H. W. Bush, an aviator
in the Pacific during the war, expressed skepticism. “It’s simply inconceivable
that the Japanese First Air Fleet, with six aircraft carriers, could have
staged
a spur of the moment attack on an island thousands of nautical miles from the
Japanese homeland with such stealth and precision.” Most experts dismissed Mr.
Bush’s remarks, however, since it’s widely understood that World War II was
primarily his son’s fault.
White House spokesman Jay Carney, asked this afternoon about the memo’s
discovery stated, “Of course, hindsight’s 20-20. But one can only wonder how
much pain and suffering could have been averted had FDR simply apologized to
Hirohito at the outset.”
“Fortunately,” Carney continued, waving off questions from White House
reporters
anxious to return to questions about Mitt Romney’s grooming habits, “We’ve
evolved to a more sophisticated strategy of leading from behind, so we’re
unlikely to repeat the disastrous mistakes of the past.”
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