>From a friend: Namaste Guruji,
G <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: i am asking that you answer her question Honestly ... J: Ok...here it is. I received the traditional diksha from Swami-G...which means that there was an altar with various statues, a shiva lingham and pictures of her guru and others in her lineage. I offered flowers and fruit and then sat in front of Swami-G. The mantras were infused into my chakras as Swami-G intoned the mantras and placed her hands on each chakra. She placed a bindu on my forehead. After this I picked a name from several pieces of paper on a plate with names written on them and Swami-G read the name outloud and explained what the name meant. Jaba means hibiscus, and that flower is dear to Kali Ma....dedicated to Kali, sacred to Kali. My experience during diksha was of being in a waking samadhi, still, centered,.... of being one with Swami-G...there was this deep deep joy that flowed up from my heart and across my face, I couldn't help but smile. There was no resistance or fear and there was no sense of separation between the two of us...no boundaries, no time, no thought, deep peace and deep joy. It was all flow and in the moment. Some of the mantras rocked the body quite strongly. There were two bodies, but only One Self. That "IS" that Swami-G talks about, that 0-point was directly experienced. Only there wasn't an experiencer.... After I returned to my seat for a few moments, I went back and pranamed at Swami-G's feet (this is not required) and went into the Oneness, totally letting go of the body and senses. And when I tried to get up, I couldn't...I went right back down...and there was gentle laughter from the other sadhakas. And I said, my head still resting on her feet, that I'd been waiting my whole life for that moment. And Swami-G repeated what I said for the others to hear and she was laughing and expressing great joy. I did finally manage to move the body again and get up. Having experienced siddhis being used by other teachers, there was always the sense then of the teacher being the 'doer' of the siddhi....and in this diksha, there was no doer, no siddhi,...what there was, was a flow of Grace and Love and acceptance...Swami-G gives her Self in diksha. There is a deep lasting bond. The diksha mantras are recorded on a cd and one of the practices is to listen to them everyday. A couple days later, Swami-G took me to the local siddha yoga center. There was no program that night but we walked through the center, with all the pictures and muk's padukas etc. When I saw those sitting on a table, all I saw were a pair of old dirty sandals. There was no trigger for me, no flashbacks. Then we sat in the entrance area and meditated together with a specific practice. When we walked out of the center, I knew I was free of sy. Swami-G had told me that when I confronted these experiences, I would find there was nothing to fear. And she taught me how to confront them and kept close watch on how I was doing. And she was right, there was no longer anything to fear. I found an old video of muk and started to watch it by myself. Swami-G came into the room and watched it with me. Those videos used to be extremely powerful for me...and there was nothing. I wondered what I ever saw in him. We were going to go back to the center again for muk's diksha celebration and I was quite willing to go. And when the day came, Swami-G said that it wasn't necessary. I no longer have flashbacks...I no longer have the bond with the sy gurus, no more dread or fear or feeling polluted by my association with them. There is no emotional charge on sy memories, no fear of meditation. I can use the Om Namah Shivaya mantra and the Guru Gita without fear of re-connecting with sy. All the trauma from sy has dissolved. The 'sy-me-story' has been unraveled and I no longer identify with being a victim or a survivor. This has been a radical change for me and a lasting one. The kundalini is no longer running amuck, it has been brought into balance and anything that comes up, I share with Swami-G and she guides me through it. Sometimes with laughter, sometimes with a loving 2x4...ahahaha...like this one she posted. If I feel stuck with something, I've learned to ask for the 2x4...it always works. And the ones I'm not expecting work equally as well. I trust Swami-G to do what is best and appopriate for me...it is not always what I want or prefer...and that takes surrender. Surrender is writing this post without protest because she asked me to, without a need to justify...accepting correction without being defensive...and there is always grace with surrender. It was this radical change in such a short time that prompted me to ask Swami-G to reach out to others who are still suffering from being in groups like sy that were so damaging to so many. I hope this is helpful. Om Jaba ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Get fast access to your favorite Yahoo! Groups. Make Yahoo! your home page http://us.click.yahoo.com/dpRU5A/wUILAA/yQLSAA/JjtolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
