Not trusting the TMO or even myself because of my two years of med school (I didn't go on because I just couldn't take being around sick people) and loads of science training, I decided that the experiences I've been having over the years might just be the result of neurological or mental defect. I have amazingly good insurance so I was able to get a psych evaluation and a neurological evaluation (spent 5 days and nights hooked up to EEG probes in the Austin Diagnostic Center). The diagnosis: a strangely cheery but otherwise healthy dude.
So I allow myself (like I have a choice?) to flow with the experiences I've been having for the past couple of years. With the massive ego that grows more each day and the realization that I know God, that I look out and see myself looking back at me, I think I can understand how Maharishi felt about right action and his ability to do no wrong. I feel that way. As I type this, the typing isn't me except of course all is me. It's something flowing from the Gap through me. At times I can perceive the thoughts arising from little impulses/seeds, fleshing out and finally becoming action, emotion, thoughts, words. I feel that I can do no wrong. But added to that is the very strong desire to do only that which is right, only that which is helpful, speak only that which is sweet. If I didn't have this very strong urge to be humble, to be a servant to others I could see where I could be a real royal pain in the ass. I sometimes worry about becoming a psychopath because though my compassion and empathy and love for others grows each day, so does my confidence in my thoughts, words and deeds. Man, it seems to me that if you don't have your morals and ethics and empathy in place once you get to this stage of Self/self confidence, you can do some real damage. Where does my self-confidence and innate feeling that I am every doing the right thing come from? Maybe stress, maybe the forces of evil and darkness. It doesn't feel that way. And it doesn't matter. I'm on autopilot and the programming of the autopilot does its thing.
