When I read this yesterday I intended to post it as its own thread, but it seems apt here.
This is the opening to Chapter Seven of _How Green Was My Valley_, by Richard Llewellyn, first published in 1939. The narrator, Huw, had a terrible mishap the night before. "I woke up in the bed downstairs in the kitchen, and saw the lamplight shining red on the wooden panels. There is funny to wake up and not know yourself to be You. "Although you are like yourself as you are ordinarily, still there is something missing, and you ask yourself where you are, and who you are, and why. There is a lot missing in your life when you have no notion who you are. You have only a picture in front of your eyes and nothing but emptiness behind them, not even the comfort of knowing your name. Indeed, it is that which makes you so afraid and you will start to shout to keep yourself company. Man is a coward in space, for he is by himself, and if you feel you are alone, with not even yourself, that is fright for you. I wonder where the real You goes to when you are strange like that. "I started to shout. "But I had nothing to shout with, and that made it worse. Try as I would, nothing would come. "You have never been frightened if you have never lost yourself and your voice. "That is real fright, and awful, too. "For there you are in pure space, hearing, thinking, and seeing, but speechless and without knowledge, and you begin to cry and tears blind you, and you are frantic to wipe them away to be able to see, but still they come and you are lost in a fog of shining wet." I wondered as I read this whether Llewellyn "lost the self" in the sense that Peter and Paula describe below, or if he's simply being the artist in his depiction of Huw's trauma. --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Peter <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Seems like you got "slapped" hard when that "I" went. > I lost it leaving the dome one afternoon. > Consciousness withdrew back into itself and there was > no "I" or individuality. The mind freaked-out, but > everything kept on working all by itself. > Consciousness apperceived itself as a "point". No > dimensions or time at all "in" that point...no inside > or outside either! Completely outside mind. > > --- Paula Youmans <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > Hi Peter and thank you for the welcome! Ha-ha.I hope > > it is a tough > > neighborhood! Good for learning :-) > > > > > > > > I can talk about the experience directly, but am > > never sure "what" to talk > > about. To tell you the truth, I knew very little > > when it happened and I know > > even less now. > > > > I'm not sure what anyone would like to hear. How it > > felt? How it changed me? > > Why it was difficult? What happened spiritually and > > physically? There would > > be so much to tell!!! > > > > > > > > Ego loss is a tricky subject for me, because when it > > is gone.there is no "I" > > to lose it. So in that regard, of course I have an > > ego lol. When "I" > > disappeared there was no "me" to experience it.quite > > literally. So did "I" > > lose ego? That is a good question. (Rubbing my chin > > in deep thought). > > > > I will tell you the experience and let you decide. I > > was in water at the > > time what I consider to be me began to disseminate. > > The next thing "I" was > > aware of was the question "who are you?" The > > question reminded me that I > > did, in fact, exist..as I was trying to remember who > > I was, I felt the words > > "I am." coming from my own mind and everything came > > rushing back as I was > > launched out of the water. (I swear I felt a hand > > push me out of the water > > at the same moment I realized my legs could hold > > me). I most definitely > > would have drowned had it not been for whatever > > asked me who I was. > > > > > > > > So, is that what people mean when they reference ego > > loss? I'll never > > know..but it is what I mean when "I" say it ;) > > > > There was no me.so how can I say I lost it? It just > > happened.It simply was. > > > > > > > > > > When I reference "I" now..it is a lot like > > referencing your hand. It is > > yours and you can use it and you can feel it.but it > > is not "you" complete. > > > > > > > > I sure hope I make sense lol. Words become so > > awkward in these subjects; at > > least for me they do. > > > > > > > > Someone told me once that "enlightenment" is not > > only being able to bridge > > into the "heavens"..but being able to go AND come > > back at will. > > > > I liked that. > > > > > > > > _____ > > > > Subject: RE: [FairfieldLife] Re: Proclaiming ones > > enlightenment > > > > > > > > Hi Paula and welcome to our tough neighborhood! Can > > you talk about your experiences directly? You seem > > to > > have experienced a degree of ego loss, one of the > > points of enlightenment discussed here quite often. > > Do > > you have an ego now, or is there only "no thing" > > when > > mind tries to reference an "I"? > > > > --- Paula Youmans <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > > > > > > _____ > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________ > Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005 > http://mail.yahoo.com > ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Get fast access to your favorite Yahoo! Groups. Make Yahoo! your home page http://us.click.yahoo.com/dpRU5A/wUILAA/yQLSAA/JjtolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! 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