Thank you Belinda and everyone continuing to send messages of hope and
thoughts of condolence about Ceasar. They've really helped in my
healing process. As always, I don't know what I'd do without this group!
I also think that I've gained another kitty guide and helper on the
other side. Actually Ceasar isn't the first one to return to the
colony, (and me), in this way. Simon was a sweet Siamese kitty, one of
the first that I TNR in this group. He was much more "friendly" than
the rest of them, he'd never let anyone touch him, but he'd lounge
around all day on his special chair on the deck in Virgina's back yard
and if you didn't know any better, you'd have assumed he was someone's
pampered house cat enjoying a sunbath. He was so kind and handsome!
I'll never forget the way he allowed the last kittens born to the colony
to climb all over him and swat at his tail. When Simon's health began
to fail, (I now suspect kidney failure), I began to give the colony
canned food everyday, in the hopes of keeping him better hydrated, (I
don't know if you caught the story of Ceasar bringing me presents of
baby birds to say thank you). Ironically, it was Ceasar that chased
Simon from his sanctuary. Eventually Simon stop greeting me when I'd
call him to eat, leaving me to grieve his absence and wonder what had
become of him. Many months later, he finally came home. He staggered
toward me, emaciated and breathing those awful deep shallow breaths that
usually signal the end. I was devastated by his appearance. He allowed
me to capture him easily, but he was so distressed at being in
captivity. I called my house-call vet to come and help him cross, but
the vet couldn't come for days and I couldn't stand the thought of
Simon's last hours being filled with fear. I brought him to Virginia's
garage and let him out of the carrier, (I still had access to her garage
in those days). I made sure he was alone in there, gave him a bed and
made him a ramp to help him climb onto his favorite places. He had
spent many a rainy night in that garage and I knew he'd feel safe
there. I spent the next few days visiting him often, telling him how
there were so many friends anxiously awaiting his arrival in Heaven, how
soon there would be no more pain, no more hunger, no more fear. I
begged him to let go and felt so torn about whether I'd done the right
thing in allowing him to suffer like this. I've rarely seen an animal
continue to cling to life the way Simon did, talk about heartbreaking!
Finally I decided to crush some Valium in his food, (can you believe he
was still eating??). It wasn't enough to end his life, but I think it
helped him relax enough to make the transition. When I returned to
check on him, he had passed. He's buried in Virgina's yard, still
watching over me and all the ferals in my care. It was Simon that I
called on to help his former tormentor, Ceasar, in his hour of need. I
know he was there for us, I'm sure he had something to do with the ease
in catching Ceasar. Beth just asked how it is we can continue to do
what we do, Simon and Ceasar and all the cats like them are the reason I
can still summon the courage to keep going.
Much love to all,
Nina
Belinda wrote:
Nina,
I'm so sorry to hear that Ceasar didn't make it, I was really
hoping he would pull through. It is so special and that he trusted
and loved you enough to come to you in his hour of need. He knew you
would help him in whichever way was needed and put his faith in you
for that. Even though the decision you had to make for him tore your
heart apart, it was what was best for him, it would have been horrible
for him to die a slow, painful, lonely death if you weren't so special
that he felt he could come to you. You made a huge difference in his
life, so much so that when it really mattered he knew you were there
and loved him enough to help him. I'm so sorry for your loss, but
glad that Ceasar is well, whole and knew that he was dearly loved. He
will be your special feral guide and help you to continue the
wonderful work you do for the forgotten ones.
