RE: My Bella's baby died
Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life one of Bellas babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her. I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened its all my fault everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Its sad enough to lose her, but its unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go. Please do not make me feel better as I feel that its sinful to feel better she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella Thank you for all your prayers for the baby Hideyo
RE: My Bella's baby died
Hideyo,I know you did not hurt the baby on purpose.What happened?? You are a great mom to all the animals you help.I know how it feel to hurt a small animal and cause its death,it is horrible,I still get a stomache ache when I think about it and it happened over 20 years agoHideyo Yamamoto [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life one of Bellas babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her. I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened its all my fault everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Its sad enough to lose her, but its unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go. Please do not make me feel better as I feel that its sinful to feel better she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella Thank you for all your prayers for the baby Hideyo How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messengers low PC-to-Phone call rates.
RE: My Bella's baby died
Oh Hideyo, tell us what happened! Babies that young are very fragile and more pass during the first couple weeks than you'd think. MC lost quite a few wee ones last summer and it's heartbreaking, but it just wasn't meant to be. Why do you think you killed this baby? Talk to us sweetie!HUGSHideyo Yamamoto [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life â one of Bellaâs babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her. I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened â itâs all my fault â everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life â and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Itâs sad enough to lose her, but itâs unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go. Please do not make me feel better as I feel that itâs sinful to feel better â she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella â Thank you for all your prayers for the baby â HideyoBarb+Smoky the House Puma+El Bandito Malito"My cat the clown: paying no mind to whom he should impress. Merely living his life, doing what pleases him, and making me smile."- Anonymous Love cheap thrills? Enjoy PC-to-Phone calls to 30+ countries for just 2¢/min with Yahoo! Messenger with Voice.
Re: My Bella's baby died
oh, hideyo, PLEASE be gentle with yourself. we make the very best decisions we can at every moment, using the information we had at that moment. even if that information changes later on, even minutes later, our choice was NOT wrong, it was what was right at that moment. WE know, and i hope you can come to realize, that you would NEVER knowingly cause harm. whatever you did, it was correct when you did it. sometimes this is the only way that we learn--the lessons are way too hard, but we best honor these critters who came to us as teachers by learning the lessons they came to teach us, and do better the next time. kittens are far more fragile than most people think; anyone who works with them a lot comes to know that many will be lost. there are so many times when, no matter what we do, they are just not meant to be here long. all we can do is our best, and make sure that whatever time they spend with us is filled with love. you gave the kitten that, hideyo; none of usminimize that great gift. big hugs. MC-- MaryChristineAIM / YAHOO: TenHouseCatsMSN: [EMAIL PROTECTED]ICQ: 289856892
RE: My Bella's baby died
I went into the nursing room about 1:30 am to feed Bella and to make sure that all the babies are doing ok as I was feeding Bella, I noticed one of the babies was sleeping her mouth open, and nose sounded stuffy --- so I checked her temperature and it was lower than other babies and I checked her weight and was much less than others and seemed that she lost some weight or at least has not gained for the last day or two.. so I freaked out.. and I started warming her by wrapping her in wool and put her right by my stomach so that she could be gradually warmed up as the book said its danger to warm a chilled baby too quickly using a head pad.. and the book said that I should give some water/sugar and not to give any formula to a chilled baby.. and I did .. and soon after I did, she stopped breathing in a few minutes.. I think I choker her with water.. I am so ignorant, and stupid and cruel. Bella was still nursing her, and I should have just put her back with Bella once I warmed her a little bit without trying to give any water I was not careful when giving her water and probably gave her more than she could handle at a time. Truth is we dont know exactly what would have happened to her, but one thing I know that she did not die when she did if I did not do what I did.. she looked healthy, I think she just got chilled because I left a window open a little because Bella was hot I cannot bring her back, but right now I feel that I need to feel this pain I keep remembering her little meow and how I should have just put her back with her mama trust that her mama knows better than I do.. its too much of price to pay.. I had to take her life away to realize how stupid I am I am sorry, you guys, I am just so sad and am just so angry at myself for carelessness and dont know what to do and I just miss her so very much.. From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Sherry DeHaan Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 10:27 AM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: RE: My Bella's baby died Hideyo,I know you did not hurt the baby on purpose.What happened?? You are a great mom to all the animals you help.I know how it feel to hurt a small animal and cause its death,it is horrible,I still get a stomache ache when I think about it and it happened over 20 years ago Hideyo Yamamoto [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life one of Bellas babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her. I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened its all my fault everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Its sad enough to lose her, but its unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go. Please do not make me feel better as I feel that its sinful to feel better she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella Thank you for all your prayers for the baby Hideyo How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messengers low PC-to-Phone call rates.
RE: My Bella's baby died
Dear Kat, thank you for your kind words - I do very much appreciate it. I did actually sent an email off to explain what happened - I did not want to remind myself of what I did to a precious baby, but I realize if I could ever benefit anyone on the list to avoid doing what I did, I think that's probably the least I could do -- -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Kat Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 11:26 AM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: RE: My Bella's baby died Dear, Dear Hideyo, Just what did you do? You tried to help the baby - the best you knew how to at the time - no one here would EVER condemn you for that. It was not intentional - you are too good of a meowmy for it to have been on purpose. Sometimes these things just happen and all we can do is understand what happened, learn from it, and gently forgive ourselves for our mistakes. Our kitties understand this and they don't hold it against us - they know you would never hurt them on purpose. Please be gentle with yourself and let us know the details when you can type thru your tears. I am sending you gentle hugs, and gentle prayers for Bella's Baby to find my Baby Callie at the Bridge. I'm so very sorry. Kat (Mew Jersey) On Tue, 11 Apr 2006, Hideyo Yamamoto wrote: Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life - one of Bella's babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her.
Re: My Bella's baby died
Hideyo, There isn't anything I can say to make Bella's baby's passing any easier on you. It does her honor to be grieved so greatly. What happened to the wee one breaks my heart, as much for her, as for you. Please don't punish yourself for caring about those little angels. You were up in the wee hours of the morning because you care. We've had this discussion before, no matter how diligent, no matter how much love we have, no matter how much we WANT things to be different, sometimes there is nothing we can do to save our little Angels. You know how I feel about the "what if" game. It's one no one can win. What if you had slept through the night? What if you hadn't even been aware of the little baby's distress? You may well have awoken this morning to find her gone. You knew her temp had dropped, you knew her nose was stuffy, you knew she had lost weight, you knew these things because you are the best caregiver anyone could hope for. Because of who you are, you did your best to save her, you took the advise you found in a book, a book you have because you care enough to do the best you can. I'm sorry for your suffering, I understand it completely, but you, my dear, are not ignorant, you are as far from cruel as it is possible for a human being to get and stupid people are not capable of learning from the mistakes they make in this life. Please stop using words like that to describe yourself. It offends me that you should think of yourself so meanly, (that's my friend you're talking about!). We all love you, we all know who you are, there is pain enough in this world without punishing yourself for not having the power to change what IS. Please don't second guess your intuition when it comes to caring for all those that depend on you. I am so grateful for your presence in my life. The world is a better place because of you Hideyo. That baby was loved and cherished, she is mourned, and she won't be forgotten, Nina Hideyo Yamamoto wrote: I went into the nursing room about 1:30 am to feed Bella and to make sure that all the babies are doing ok as I was feeding Bella, I noticed one of the babies was sleeping her mouth open, and nose sounded stuffy --- so I checked her temperature and it was lower than other babies and I checked her weight and was much less than others and seemed that she lost some weight or at least has not gained for the last day or two.. so I freaked out.. and I started warming her by wrapping her in wool and put her right by my stomach so that she could be gradually warmed up as the book said its danger to warm a chilled baby too quickly using a head pad.. and the book said that I should give some water/sugar and not to give any formula to a chilled baby.. and I did .. and soon after I did, she stopped breathing in a few minutes.. I think I choker her with water.. I am so ignorant, and stupid and cruel. Bella was still nursing her, and I should have just put her back with Bella once I warmed her a little bit without trying to give any water I was not careful when giving her water and probably gave her more than she could handle at a time. Truth is we dont know exactly what would have happened to her, but one thing I know that she did not die when she did if I did not do what I did.. she looked healthy, I think she just got chilled because I left a window open a little because Bella was hot I cannot bring her back, but right now I feel that I need to feel this pain I keep remembering her little meow and how I should have just put her back with her mama trust that her mama knows better than I do.. its too much of price to pay.. I had to take her life away to realize how stupid I am I am sorry, you guys, I am just so sad and am just so angry at myself for carelessness and dont know what to do and I just miss her so very much..
Re: My Bella's baby died
Hideyo So sorry to hear of your despair but you are a great Kittie mom. I don't know what happened but I know you would never intend to hurt a kittie. You did what you thought right at the time. Sometimes we need to intervene and something must have been wrong for you to interveme to try and help - but our best efforts are not always enough. The kittie may have died without your efforts so you can't know for sure it was your fault. The baby may have been weak and ready to go. Everything you do is for kindness towards your kitties and I hope you manage to see that soon sweetie. Michelle, Minstrel, Buddy Angel Bramble
Re: My Bella's baby died
Ditto, Hideyo. Don't beat yourself up. Goodnight, Bella's Baby... =^..^= Terri, Siggie the Tomato Vampire, Guinevere, Sammi, Travis, Dori and 6 furangels: RuthieGirl, Samantha, Arielle, Gareth, Alec Salome' =^..^= Furkid Photos! http://mysite.verizon.net/vze7sgqa/My Personal Page: http://www.geocities.com/ruthiegirl1/terrispage.html?1083970447350Come check me out on MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/terricrazycatlady Earth and Family Safe Products! http://www.moreinfo247.com/9162990/VCLNice Offers! www.niceoffers.com/9162990 Buy Avon Online! http://www.youravon.com/theresabrown - Original Message - From: TenHouseCats To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 12:40 PM Subject: Re: My Bella's baby died oh, hideyo, PLEASE be gentle with yourself. we make the very best decisions we can at every moment, using the information we had at that moment. even if that information changes later on, even minutes later, our choice was NOT wrong, it was what was right at that moment. WE know, and i hope you can come to realize, that you would NEVER knowingly cause harm. whatever you did, it was correct when you did it. sometimes this is the only way that we learn--the lessons are way too hard, but we best honor these critters who came to us as teachers by learning the lessons they came to teach us, and do better the next time. kittens are far more fragile than most people think; anyone who works with them a lot comes to know that many will be lost. there are so many times when, no matter what we do, they are just not meant to be here long. all we can do is our best, and make sure that whatever time they spend with us is filled with love. you gave the kitten that, hideyo; none of usminimize that great gift. big hugs. MC-- MaryChristineAIM / YAHOO: TenHouseCatsMSN: [EMAIL PROTECTED]ICQ: 289856892
RE: My Bella's baby died
Thank you so much, Michelle for saying what you said I really appreciate it..I wish I could feel that I made my best effort for the babyand for this baby, she went so fast, and I did not feel like I did From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 1:22 PM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Re: My Bella's baby died Hideyo So sorry to hear of your despair but you are a great Kittie mom. I don't know what happened but I know you would never intend to hurt a kittie. You did what you thought right at the time. Sometimes we need to intervene and something must have been wrong for you to interveme to try and help - but our best efforts are not always enough. The kittie may have died without your efforts so you can't know for sure it was your fault. The baby may have been weak and ready to go. Everything you do is for kindness towards your kitties and I hope you manage to see that soon sweetie. Michelle, Minstrel, Buddy Angel Bramble
Bella's baby died
Hideyo From what you say it sounds as though this baby was in trouble and on her way to dying anyway. When they fail to gain weight and temperature is abnormal it is not a good sign. I saw a day old baby being warmed and fed and everything possible was done but she died because she is sick and weak. I know you blame yourself for her death but maybe there is another explanation. Maybe the baby passed as she did because she knew it was safe to do so. Knowingit was safe to let go and not passing with her feline mother beside her. Sounds like everything was done right and that she would probably not have survived no matter what you did or didn't do. Michelle, Minstrel, Buddy Angel Bramble
Re: My Bella's baby died
Hideyo, Please take a moment to clear your thoughts and ask an AC (communicator) to speak with the little one, I'm sure what you did had nothing to do with her passing. It was her time and I'm sure just a coincidence that she passed when she did. Set your mind at ease and speak with her ... -- Belinda Happiness is being owned by cats ... Be-Mi-Kitties ... http://www.bemikitties.com Post Adoptable FeLV/FIV/FIP Cats/Kittens http://adopt.bemikitties.com FeLV Candle Light Service http://www.bemikitties.com/cls HostDesign4U.com (affordable hosting web design) http://HostDesign4U.com --- BMK Designs (non-profit web sites) http://bmk.bemikitties.com
Re: My Bella's baby died
There is nothing at this point that will make you feel better. You are consumed with guilt for unknown reasons. However, you must focus on Bella and her babies and quiet yourself for them. Once you have done this, which will take a long time, you may be able to share why you think you ended the little one's life. It may well be that the littleone was needed elsewhere. I do promise you I understand. Not for kittens but for two cats I had spayed. Both died on the fourth day afterwards. I felt so responsible that ...well, that is another matter. Just know that I do know how it feels. Know also that you may find comfort in the love you have given Bella and her little ones--even the one who left. But know this comfort will come later. After lots of tears and doubts and pain. Know also that you are loved by all those lucky little ones who live with you. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Hideyo Yamamoto To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 11:22 AM Subject: RE: My Bella's baby died Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life one of Bellas babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her. I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened its all my fault everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Its sad enough to lose her, but its unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go. Please do not make me feel better as I feel that its sinful to feel better she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella Thank you for all your prayers for the baby Hideyo
RE: My Bella's baby died
I think people on this list including you knowing and understand my pain gives great comfort in knowing that I am not alone- I am so sorry for your loss of two babies you spayed thats just so awful again, I feel the pain with you and you are not alone.. From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Marylyn Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 3:36 PM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Re: My Bella's baby died There is nothing at this point that will make you feel better. You are consumed with guilt for unknown reasons. However, you must focus on Bella and her babies and quiet yourself for them. Once you have done this, which will take a long time, you may be able to share why you think you ended the little one's life. It may well be that the littleone was needed elsewhere. I do promise you I understand. Not for kittens but for two cats I had spayed. Both died on the fourth day afterwards. I felt so responsible that ...well, that is another matter. Just know that I do know how it feels. Know also that you may find comfort in the love you have given Bella and her little ones--even the one who left. But know this comfort will come later. After lots of tears and doubts and pain. Know also that you are loved by all those lucky little ones who live with you. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Hideyo Yamamoto To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 11:22 AM Subject: RE: My Bella's baby died Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life one of Bellas babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her. I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened its all my fault everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Its sad enough to lose her, but its unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go. Please do not make me feel better as I feel that its sinful to feel better she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella Thank you for all your prayers for the baby Hideyo
RE: My Bella's baby died
Belinda, I thought of talking to Jasmine (my AC) - if anything, I can at least apologize to her, I think I will call her tomorrow (usually, they need a day or two to make a transition to be able to talk..) -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Belinda Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 2:32 PM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Re: My Bella's baby died Hideyo, Please take a moment to clear your thoughts and ask an AC (communicator) to speak with the little one, I'm sure what you did had nothing to do with her passing. It was her time and I'm sure just a coincidence that she passed when she did. Set your mind at ease and speak with her ... -- Belinda Happiness is being owned by cats ... Be-Mi-Kitties ... http://www.bemikitties.com Post Adoptable FeLV/FIV/FIP Cats/Kittens http://adopt.bemikitties.com FeLV Candle Light Service http://www.bemikitties.com/cls HostDesign4U.com (affordable hosting web design) http://HostDesign4U.com --- BMK Designs (non-profit web sites) http://bmk.bemikitties.com
RE: Bella's baby died
Michelle, I wish I could feel the same way, I just had a very bad feeling that she was not that sick at all --- I just choke her with water her color was good, and her skin was good, and everything else was so perfect god I miss her. From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 2:13 PM To: Felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Bella's baby died Hideyo From what you say it sounds as though this baby was in trouble and on her way to dying anyway. When they fail to gain weight and temperature is abnormal it is not a good sign. I saw a day old baby being warmed and fed and everything possible was done but she died because she is sick and weak. I know you blame yourself for her death but maybe there is another explanation. Maybe the baby passed as she did because she knew it was safe to do so. Knowingit was safe to let go and not passing with her feline mother beside her. Sounds like everything was done right and that she would probably not have survived no matter what you did or didn't do. Michelle, Minstrel, Buddy Angel Bramble
Re: My Bella's baby died
Those little ones taught me a lot. They left but will be back. They have also taught others because they taught me. It will take a while but you will reach this point. Right now, just be gentle with yourself and be open to the little one who is very grateful for your warmth and love and safe place. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Hideyo Yamamoto To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 5:27 PM Subject: RE: My Bella's baby died I think people on this list including you knowing and understand my pain gives great comfort in knowing that I am not alone- I am so sorry for your loss of two babies you spayed thats just so awful again, I feel the pain with you and you are not alone.. From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of MarylynSent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 3:36 PMTo: felvtalk@felineleukemia.orgSubject: Re: My Bella's baby died There is nothing at this point that will make you feel better. You are consumed with guilt for unknown reasons. However, you must focus on Bella and her babies and quiet yourself for them. Once you have done this, which will take a long time, you may be able to share why you think you ended the little one's life. It may well be that the littleone was needed elsewhere. I do promise you I understand. Not for kittens but for two cats I had spayed. Both died on the fourth day afterwards. I felt so responsible that ...well, that is another matter. Just know that I do know how it feels. Know also that you may find comfort in the love you have given Bella and her little ones--even the one who left. But know this comfort will come later. After lots of tears and doubts and pain. Know also that you are loved by all those lucky little ones who live with you. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Hideyo Yamamoto To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 11:22 AM Subject: RE: My Bella's baby died Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life one of Bellas babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her. I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened its all my fault everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Its sad enough to lose her, but its unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go. Please do not make me feel better as I feel that its sinful to feel better she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella Thank you for all your prayers for the baby Hideyo
Re: My Bella's baby died
Speak to her now in your grief but also speak to her in a few weeks or months when you are more settled so she can be very open with you. Your grief will limit what she can say to you right now. Know this and love her and love yourself for caring so very deeply. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Marylyn To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 5:37 PM Subject: Re: My Bella's baby died Those little ones taught me a lot. They left but will be back. They have also taught others because they taught me. It will take a while but you will reach this point. Right now, just be gentle with yourself and be open to the little one who is very grateful for your warmth and love and safe place. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Hideyo Yamamoto To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 5:27 PM Subject: RE: My Bella's baby died I think people on this list including you knowing and understand my pain gives great comfort in knowing that I am not alone- I am so sorry for your loss of two babies you spayed thats just so awful again, I feel the pain with you and you are not alone.. From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of MarylynSent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 3:36 PMTo: felvtalk@felineleukemia.orgSubject: Re: My Bella's baby died There is nothing at this point that will make you feel better. You are consumed with guilt for unknown reasons. However, you must focus on Bella and her babies and quiet yourself for them. Once you have done this, which will take a long time, you may be able to share why you think you ended the little one's life. It may well be that the littleone was needed elsewhere. I do promise you I understand. Not for kittens but for two cats I had spayed. Both died on the fourth day afterwards. I felt so responsible that ...well, that is another matter. Just know that I do know how it feels. Know also that you may find comfort in the love you have given Bella and her little ones--even the one who left. But know this comfort will come later. After lots of tears and doubts and pain. Know also that you are loved by all those lucky little ones who live with you. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Hideyo Yamamoto To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 11:22 AM Subject: RE: My Bella's baby died Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life one of Bellas babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her. I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened its all my fault everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Its sad enough to lose her, but its unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go. Please do not make me feel better as I feel that its sinful to feel better she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella Thank you for all your prayers for the baby
RE: My Bella's baby died
I'm sorry Hideyo. Kittens are just so tiny, and it often happens that at least one won't make it. Like you said, you don't know if what you did caused the kitten to die. You did the best you could. They are so tiny and fragile that it's just a miracle to me when they survive. I used to foster kittens from the shelter, and I have lost more kittens than I want to remember. :( tHideyo Yamamoto [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:I went into the nursing room about 1:30 am to feed Bella and to make sure that all the babies are doing ok as I was feeding Bella, I noticed one of the babies was sleeping her mouth open, and nose sounded stuffy --- so I checked her temperature and it was lower than other babies and I checked her weight and was much less than others and seemed that she lost some weight or at least has not gained for the last day or two.. so I freaked out.. and I started warming her by wrapping her in wool and put her right by my stomach so that she could be gradually warmed up as the book said its danger to warm a chilled baby too quickly using a head pad.. and the book said that I should give some water/sugar and not to give any formula to a chilled baby.. and I did .. and soon after I did, she stopped breathing in a few minutes.. I think I choker her with water.. I am so ignorant, and stupid and cruel. Bella was still nursing her, and I should have just put her back with Bella once I warmed her a little bit without trying to give any water I was not careful when giving her water and probably gave her more than she could handle at a time. Truth is we dont know exactly what would have happened to her, but one thing I know that she did not die when she did if I did not do what I did.. she looked healthy, I think she just got chilled because I left a window open a little because Bella was hot I cannot bring her back, but right now I feel that I need to feel this pain I keep remembering her little meow and how I should have just put her back with her mama trust that her mama knows better than I do.. its too much of price to pay.. I had to take her life away to realize how stupid I am I am sorry, you guys, I am just so sad and am just so angry at myself for carelessness and dont know what to do and I just miss her so very much..From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Sherry DeHaanSent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 10:27 AMTo: felvtalk@felineleukemia.orgSubject: RE: My Bella's baby diedHideyo,I know you did not hurt the baby on purpose.What happened?? You are a great mom to all the animals you help.I know how it feel to hurt a small animal and cause its death,it is horrible,I still get a stomache ache when I think about it and it happened over 20 years agoHideyo Yamamoto [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life one of Bellas babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her.I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened its all my fault everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Its sad enough to lose her, but its unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go.Please do not make me feel better as I feel that its sinful to feel better she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella Thank you for all your prayers for the baby Hideyo How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messengers low PC-to-Phone call rates.
Re: My Bella's baby died
Hideyo, Believe me I know and feel your pain, but you see what I do is try and realize the rest of the animals in the rescue will know my pain and cause them undo stress and pain. So What I do is talk with the momma cat and siblings or "foster siblings" of the deceased and take a few minutes to openly grieve. Then I put it behind me cause when I am un happy all the furkids are miserable. you have to be strong and go on for the ones that remain. In private at night I often think about the ones I lost and pray they understand I tried my bestI really believe in my heart they do
Re: My Bella's baby died
They do and they know love...often the only human love they have ever known.and safety. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 7:57 PM Subject: Re: My Bella's baby died Hideyo, Believe me I know and feel your pain, but you see what I do is try and realize the rest of the animals in the rescue will know my pain and cause them undo stress and pain. So What I do is talk with the momma cat and siblings or "foster siblings" of the deceased and take a few minutes to openly grieve. Then I put it behind me cause when I am un happy all the furkids are miserable. you have to be strong and go on for the ones that remain. In private at night I often think about the ones I lost and pray they understand I tried my bestI really believe in my heart they do
Re: My Bella's baby died
Just want to say, I'm so sorry Hideyo... Gloria - Original Message - From: catatonya To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 7:49 PM Subject: RE: My Bella's baby died I'm sorry Hideyo. Kittens are just so tiny, and it often happens that at least one won't make it. Like you said, you don't know if what you did caused the kitten to die. You did the best you could. They are so tiny and fragile that it's just a miracle to me when they survive. I used to foster kittens from the shelter, and I have lost more kittens than I want to remember. :( tHideyo Yamamoto [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: I went into the nursing room about 1:30 am to feed Bella and to make sure that all the babies are doing ok as I was feeding Bella, I noticed one of the babies was sleeping her mouth open, and nose sounded stuffy --- so I checked her temperature and it was lower than other babies and I checked her weight and was much less than others and seemed that she lost some weight or at least has not gained for the last day or two.. so I freaked out.. and I started warming her by wrapping her in wool and put her right by my stomach so that she could be gradually warmed up as the book said its danger to warm a chilled baby too quickly using a head pad.. and the book said that I should give some water/sugar and not to give any formula to a chilled baby.. and I did .. and soon after I did, she stopped breathing in a few minutes.. I think I choker her with water.. I am so ignorant, and stupid and cruel. Bella was still nursing her, and I should have just put her back with Bella once I warmed her a little bit without trying to give any water I was not careful when giving her water and probably gave her more than she could handle at a time. Truth is we dont know exactly what would have happened to her, but one thing I know that she did not die when she did if I did not do what I did.. she looked healthy, I think she just got chilled because I left a window open a little because Bella was hot I cannot bring her back, but right now I feel that I need to feel this pain I keep remembering her little meow and how I should have just put her back with her mama trust that her mama knows better than I do.. its too much of price to pay.. I had to take her life away to realize how stupid I am I am sorry, you guys, I am just so sad and am just so angry at myself for carelessness and dont know what to do and I just miss her so very much.. From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Sherry DeHaanSent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 10:27 AMTo: felvtalk@felineleukemia.orgSubject: RE: My Bella's baby died Hideyo,I know you did not hurt the baby on purpose.What happened?? You are a great mom to all the animals you help.I know how it feel to hurt a small animal and cause its death,it is horrible,I still get a stomache ache when I think about it and it happened over 20 years agoHideyo Yamamoto [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life one of Bellas babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. I am just too upset about what happened. But, I wanted to help, but instead I killed her. She was only 10 days old and she did not even get to open her eyes. All I know was that it was definitely not her time to go yet. But I killed her. I am so mad at myself and am just going insane from a grief of losing her. I was supposed to protect Bella and her babies and not to hurt them. I could still hear her meow right before she stopped breathing.. I am such a ignorant and stupid, I should just let Bella who knows what she is doing to continue to care for her. I did not event get to name her.. Bella is very sad and does not know what happened its all my fault everyone please please pray that the little baby angel is at heaven and comes back as a new life very very soon and have much happiness in her new life and I am very sure that most of you know how this feels. Its sad enough to lose her, but its unbearable to know that you are the who killed an innocent life and she was not ready to go. Please do not make me feel better as I feel that its sinful to feel better she is gone, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just cannot stop crying and am just so angry myself and feel so badly for the baby and Bella Thank you for all your prayers for the baby Hideyo How low will we go? Check out Yahoo
Re: My Bella's baby died
Hideyo,What Nina said!!! She said it perfectly. WE KNOW YOU and, unfortunately, now you know how tenuous the grip on life the wee ones have. You did everything right; these things just happen.Do you remember that little kitten my stepdad had rescued after having seen it thrown from a truck? That little Lucky had 6 days in a warm loving home, but had simply been too under- and malnourished to survive the pneumonia she had. She'd been pretty stinky, so they gave her a bath, warm water, heated room, warm towel on Mom's chest etc. But she died and my stepdad was sick with worry that that bath had killed her; that she'd caught a chill. It hadn't. She had the pneumonia that is associated with starvation and was just too young and weak to fight it off.Each life is precious, I know we all feel that, but those of us who do serious rescue work know that it is almost always the case that if the wee ones die anyway, with all the proper care, they are better off at the Bridge. We don't have the momma's health and family health history nor the father's. And the living conditions and nutrition, especially early on in gestation, make a huge difference as to the development of healthy babies.Don't yell at yourself like this, you did the best you could but unfortunately, it was Baby's time. You could never be those things you called yourself, NEVER. I think a hot bath and a good night's sleep, and long snuggle with whichever of your loves is a snuggler , or all of your snugglers for that matter, is in order. Your sleep is out of whack and that always will affect your emotional state, no matter what else is happening.We love you, Hideyo!!!BarbNina [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Hideyo, There isn't anything I can say to make Bella's baby's passing any easier on you. It does her honor to be grieved so greatly. What happened to the wee one breaks my heart, as much for her, as for you. Please don't punish yourself for caring about those little angels. You were up in the wee hours of the morning because you care. We've had this discussion before, no matter how diligent, no matter how much love we have, no matter how much we WANT things to be different, sometimes there is nothing we can do to save our little Angels. You know how I feel about the "what if" game. It's one no one can win. What if you had slept through the night? What if you hadn't even been aware of the little baby's distress? You may well have awoken this morning to find her gone. You knew her temp had dropped, you knew her nose was stuffy, you knew she had lost weight, you knew these things because you are the best caregiver anyone could hope for. Because of who you are, you did your best to save her, you took the advise you found in a book, a book you have because you care enough to do the best you can. I'm sorry for your suffering, I understand it completely, but you, my dear, are not ignorant, you are as far from cruel as it is possible for a human being to get and stupid people are not capable of learning from the mistakes they make in this life. Please stop using words like that to describe yourself. It offends me that you should think of yourself so meanly, (that's my friend you're talking about!). We all love you, we all know who you are, there is pain enough in this world without punishing yourself for not having the power to change what IS. Please don't second guess your intuition when it comes to caring for all those that depend on you. I am so grateful for your presence in my life. The world is a better place because of you Hideyo. That baby was loved and cherished, she is mourned, and she won't be forgotten, NinaHideyo Yamamoto wrote:I went into the nursing room about 1:30 am to feed Bella and to make sure that all the babies are doing ok⦠as I was feeding Bella, I noticed one of the babies was sleeping her mouth open, and nose sounded stuffy --- so I checked her temperature and it was lower than other babies and I checked her weight and was much less than others and seemed that she lost some weight or at least has not gained for the last day or two.. so I freaked out.. and I started warming her by wrapping her in wool and put her right by my stomach so that she could be gradually warmed up as the book said itâs danger to warm a chilled baby too quickly using a head pad.. and the book said that I should give some water/sugar and not to give any formula to a chilled baby.. and I did .. and soon after I did, she stopped breathing in a few minutes.. I think I choker her with water.. I am so ignorant, and stupid and cruel. Bella was still nursing her, and I should have just put her back with Bella once I warmed her a little bit without trying to give any water â I was not careful when giving her water and probably gave her more than she could handle at a time. Truth is we donât know exactly what would have happened to her, but one thing I know that she did not die when she did if I did not do what I did.. she
RE: My Bella's baby died
Hideyo,You being in pain is simply you being you after the loss of a little one in your care. The things people tell you in hopes of making you feel better do not lighten the impact of her death, nor do they mean to. I believe they are meant to provide you tools with which you can use to help other kitties, in honor of the one who has passed. The pain is natural, but so is healing.When my Ninja died, I was devastated. But I decided to take what I'd learned while she was ill and the strength of the bond we'd developed during her last months and use them to honor her and what she'd taught me. I adopted Smoky and Bandit in order to give them the kittenhood she'd never had; to raise them the way she SHOULD have been raised. We still love you m'dear:)barbHideyo Yamamoto [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Nina, you know that you are making me cry even more after reading your email --- I am so grateful of your words â when you say âIt does her honor to be grieved so greatly.â, thatâs exactly what I wanted to do, but I couldnât describe it what I am feeling.. I did not want people to tell me itâs okay, I did my best.. I can learn from this.. or did not want to feel better, because I felt that it lightens the meaning of her death.. I did not want to feel better, I want to cry and suffer, because I really need to honor her death.. thank you for saying that --- I donât want to move on, or donât want to feel that it cannot be helped because I did what I thought it was right.. because⦠no matter what, I took her life away and so what I did was not good enough for her.. she could have so much fun in ahead of her with her brothers and sisters and I took that way. In a way, I want to carry this pain as long as I live so that I can honor her --- I donâtâ know if it makes sense.. sometimes, I feel what I do is not good enough as long as there is a life to suffer.. one too many⦠if you know what I meanâ¦From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Nina Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 12:50 PM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Re: My Bella's baby died Hideyo, There isn't anything I can say to make Bella's baby's passing any easier on you. It does her honor to be grieved so greatly. What happened to the wee one breaks my heart, as much for her, as for you. Please don't punish yourself for caring about those little angels. You were up in the wee hours of the morning because you care. We've had this discussion before, no matter how diligent, no matter how much love we have, no matter how much we WANT things to be different, sometimes there is nothing we can do to save our little Angels. You know how I feel about the "what if" game. It's one no one can win. What if you had slept through the night? What if you hadn't even been aware of the little baby's distress? You may well have awoken this morning to find her gone. You knew her temp had dropped, you knew her nose was stuffy, you knew she had lost weight, you knew these things because you are the best caregiver anyone could hope for. Because of who you are, you did your best to save her, you took the advise you found in a book, a book you have because you care enough to do the best you can. I'm sorry for your suffering, I understand it completely, but you, my dear, are not ignorant, you are as far from cruel as it is possible for a human being to get and stupid people are not capable of learning from the mistakes they make in this life. Please stop using words like that to describe yourself. It offends me that you should think of yourself so meanly, (that's my friend you're talking about!). We all love you, we all know who you are, there is pain enough in this world without punishing yourself for not having the power to change what IS. Please don't second guess your intuition when it comes to caring for all those that depend on you. I am so grateful for your presence in my life. The world is a better place because of you Hideyo. That baby was loved and cherished, she is mourned, and she won't be forgotten, NinaHideyo Yamamoto wrote:I went into the nursing room about 1:30 am to feed Bella and to make sure that all the babies are doing ok⦠as I was feeding Bella, I noticed one of the babies was sleeping her mouth open, and nose sounded stuffy --- so I checked her temperature and it was lower than other babies and I checked her weight and was much less than others and seemed that she lost some weight or at least has not gained for the last day or two.. so I freaked out.. and I started warming her by wrapping her in wool and put her right by my stomach so that she could be gradually warmed up as the book said itâs danger to warm a chilled baby too quickly using a head pad.. and the book said that I should give some water/sugar and not to give any formula to a chilled baby.. and I did .. and soon after I did, she stopped breathing in a few minutes.. I think I choker her with water
Re: My Bella's baby died
*/Hideyo Yamamoto [EMAIL PROTECTED]/* wrote: Hi, everyone, today is one of the saddest day of my life – one of Bella’s babies died this morning around 2 am and I think I caused her to die. Hideyo, I just don't see how you could have done anything wrong. Even if you did, you didn't know or you wouldn't have done it. Kroger had some babies who died suddenly...it's terrible but as others have mentioned, it does happen. I know there is nothing worse than the way you feel right now. Hugs to you, Bella and babies. I will be thinking of the little one (Bellita perhaps). Becca
