Very well said Leslie. Nina can't help but feel better after reading this post.
Mitichlorian thought to you too, whatever those are. hehe. :) Wendy --- Leslie <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Ah Nina, please do not feel repentant or sad, > Spencer has found the energy > to communicate directly and compassionately to you. > If there is one thing > that we can not lose it is faith in these cats to > know life in a way that is > much simpler and purer than we can. You have been > open to his desires and > loving to his needs and passionate about leading him > where you believe that > he wants to go. Now, with the strength from who > knows where, he is again > leading. Don't stop looking, but be gentle and > understanding in your > efforts. > > I often look back at situations and am baffled by > something that I said/did, > or didn't say/do, that was really out of character. > I reflect on how there > was a little voice saying, "this is weird", or the > absence of the little > voice that would normally be speaking, but the > outcome, couldn't have > happened unless I acted as I had. I feel in these > circumstances that these > are the times that something greater has stepped in. > Mitichlorians (from > Star Wars - the "force"), God, fate, chance, I don't > know the word for it, > but it happens. Something that even in ourselves > can not be explained as to > why we did something, I believe to have been > influenced by something larger. > > You were open to Spencer communicating with you. > Nina, she of continual > words of love and advice and understanding to us, he > has. > > I so hope that this doesn't seem harsh. I am crying > now writing it to you, > I am all on board with fist shaking and wanting to > be selfish and wanting to > be selfish and wanting to be selfish and not let > them go. You have helped > me so much through my recent time of pain, I just > want to send the biggest > hug through the computer to you, put my hands on > your shoulders and just let > you know that you have not acted for a second in any > way that wasn't the > kindest, most loving, and compassionate towards > Spencer, nor are you now in > your tears and your searching, and to let you know > that he knows that. You > took him to the vet for momentary pain to make > things better, he would never > put you through momentary pain either unless it was > to eventually make > things better. He would NEVER want you to feel > guilt for letting him choose > what to do next. > > It's true, you don't know what is happening with > him, but on a deeper level, > you do know. And you know that whatever occurs, he > is with you and he is > okay. He is stronger than we are and he is thanking > you for everything. > And we don't know what will happen. A quiet place > also means healing. The > vet wasn't able to determine what was happening in > him. Maybe Spencer knows > and knows that he needs to be alone for a while to > heal. I have heard of > this happening. Every time I've gone to force feed > one of mine, I think of > a story that a friend told me of a cat she owned > decades ago that didn't eat > for 5 days. This was before everyone "knew" to > force feed. Her cat > secluded herself, ran a fever, didn't eat until she > came out of the fast, > the fever broken, and started to chow down. Even in > a situation that we > know that we know, before we were so certain, life > still acted as it will. > > Don't lose faith in your friend, and don't lose > faith in yourself. > > I hope that all is well with you both. Strong > mitichlorian thoughts in your > direction. > > Leslie > > > > Date: Tue, 05 Sep 2006 17:21:53 -0700 > > From: Nina <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > Subject: Re: Spencer update > > To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org > > Message-ID: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; > format=flowed > > > > I have awful news. Spencer has gone missing. > It's completely my fault, > > I don't know what I was thinking. I left for > appointments this morning > > and deliberately left the door open for the dogs > and cats. I've been > > doing this forever, but I knew Spencer was very > sick, I know that cats > > can decide to find a quiet place to pass on their > own, yet I left the > > door open. In the six months that Spencer has > been with us he rarely > > goes outside and when he does it's to keep me > company in the yard. > > Whenever I call to him, he comes running like a > puppy. I can only fear > > the worst. I talked with a couple of ACs and they > said that he was > > looking for quiet and solitude, things that are in > very short supply > > around this madhouse. I've been combing the > bushes and going through > > the neighbor's yards all day. If he's still > moving, if he wants to, I'm > > praying that he'll come home. It even went > through my mind to shut him > > up before I left this morning, but I didn't think > he'd be moving off his > > bed much and I don't know, I didn't really process > this thought, but I > > didn't want him to feel like a prisoner either. > He's been so good > > through his illness. The vets last night kept > commenting about how > > sweet he was, I just hated to force anything on > him. > > > > I just wanted to let you all know. I can't think > of a punishment graver > > than not knowing what happened to him. I'm doing > my best to not think > > of this in terms of punishment at all, just what > is. It's too late to > > close the barn door now. I've gone through the > frantic mode of finding > > him gone, been crying as I search, right now I'm > feeling really numb. > > When I called Bruce at work to tell him, he asked > me why I would want to > > have forced him to die in the house with us if > that's not what he > > wanted. I could only come up with selfish answers > for that one. The > > hardest part of all this is that I may never know. > I'm still praying > > that he walks in the door. > > > > Feeling repentant and very very sad, > > Nina > > > __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com
