First, I'd like to preface my remarks by saying that I think the poster is great. My changes are in the nature of small things that could help it make a marginally better impression when people read its details. I offer them only in the spirit of making a better poster, not in the spirit of trying to denigrate anyone's existing work.
I would change "In July 2003, the famous FOP version 0.20.5 was released, which is in production all over the globe." to "In July of 2003, the most famous version of FOP, 0.20.5, was released. It is now used to produce documents all over the globe." Otherwise, the phrase started by "which" applies to "released", and that doesn't make sense. Also, short sentences are perceived to read more quickly (an old, old marketing tip). For the same reasons, I would also change "Long before the 0.20.5 release a redesign phase was started which, unfortunately, didn't get off the ground for a long time." to "Long before the 0.20.5 release, a redesign phase was started. Unfortunately, it didn't get off the ground for a long time." I would also change: "This was done to scale down the old Apache XML project, to improve oversight over the project, and to allow for better collaboration because Batik and FOP have many things in common." to "This change was made to scale down the old Apache XML project, to improve project oversight, and to allow for better collaboration because Batik and FOP share many similarities." The additional comma more clearly markes the boundary between the second and third goal, and "share many similarities" has a stronger verb than "have many things in common" (and "things" has very little weight, too, IMO). Then I would change "In 2005, the redesign finally took a leap forward which resulted in the first release from the new codebase (FOP 0.90alpha)." to "In 2005, the redesign finally took a leap forward, which resulted in the first release from the new codebase (FOP 0.90alpha)." The change is just a comma, to set off the parenthetical phrase, but it's more correct that way. Last but not least, I'd change "The next version to be released sortly will be 0.93 which will hopefully be the last release before the long-awaited version 1.0 for which the team only has to implement a handful of additional features." to "The next version, to be released shortly, will be 0.93. This version should be the last release before the long-awaited version 1.0, for which the team has only to implement a handful of additional features." Again, making two shorter sentences helps readability. Also, changing "will hopefully" to "should" inspires more confidence (IMO, of course). I realize that I have made many judgement calls in this list, and that many folks might disagree. I used to teach English at a university and sometimes work as a freelance editor, so I have very strong ideas of what constitutes effective writing. Also, I am both a perfectionist and a purist, which makes me the living embodiment of "fussy" when it comes to writing. Anyway, I'll understand if you ignore me, though I think your poster will be stronger if you don't. Jay Bryant Bryant Communication Services ----- Original Message ----- From: "Jeremias Maerki" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <fop-dev@xmlgraphics.apache.org> Sent: Sunday, August 27, 2006 5:39 PM Subject: FOP Poster > Gang, > > I've finally finished (more or less anyway) the poster I plan to put up > at OpenExpo on 2006-09-20. I'd appreciate if someone could take a quick > peek and tell me if it's looking too ugly or if there are any spelling > mistakes. The logos may seem a bit dark on screen, but they look fine in > print. > > http://jeremias-maerki.ch/download/fop/fop-poster.pdf > > BTW, the poster is done entirely with FOP and Batik. :-) > > Thanks, > Jeremias Maerki >
