I will be grateful to the moderator for allowing this without cuts! It is for those who agonise over the ethical dimension of marriage, promiscuity and dishonesty. I submit my views as under:
1.Should persons marry opposite sex knowing they are attracted physically to same sex? Ideally, no. Those who do, do so due to a complex interaction of their situation and their mental make up. Those strong and confident about themselves will withstand pressure and say no; others will dither, protest or give in and marry. There is no point vilifying weakness of any kind, for we find weaknesses in humankind all over. One must try and understand, counsel; caution others into the pitfalls. Calling someone spineless does not help in any way. Counseling may help. ALSO, EXPERTS TELL US THAT EACH OF US LIE BETWEEN A CONTINUUM OF 100% GAY TO 100% STR8; AND EVEN THIS PERCENTAGE CHANGES WITH TIME DUE TO EXPERIENCES AND CIRCUMSTANCES. Hence the decision of marriage is not simplistic; has no simple answer and is best left to the individual, after educating him of the consequences. 2. What about married gays secretly having affairs with guys and thus being disloyal to their wives? Or what about multiple partners? The views are similar: Are people on this list willing to have an open mind and listen to radical thoughts? If yes, then read on. Humans basically desire variety in anything. And so it is with partners as far as the physical part is concerned. Emotionally, things may be different. THAT IS WHY, THE OLDEST PROFESSION ON EARTH IS WHAT IT IS OLDEST AND UNCURBABLE. To give an analogy, getting drunk is bad but is banning alcohol the answer? Debatable. So is this! Traditional marriage curbs this human tendency through social rules (mind you, NOT legal laws) and society has evolved this way. So there must be something right about being loyal to one person. Like disease avoidance for instance. But the basic tendency remains. This social binding is absent in same sex marriages which are not sanctioned by society. For single persons, there is no law. Hence the tendency to be promiscuous. Now, save for the disease part, is this right or wrong? Who is to tell? THE NORMS OF MORALITY CHANGE WITH TIME AND CULTURE, THIS IS UNQUESTIONABLE. What is non-ethical yesterday, becomes quite acceptable today (LIKE BEING GAY ITSELF) and becomes ethical tomorrow. So, I propose that we do not sit in moral judgement over this. Let each person take his/her own decision, based on the risks and gains involved, as perceived by that person. He/she must be counseled about the risks no doubt. The person must work out the effect of his actions on the relationship with his wife/partner, family, society. Guys, lets not take moralistic positions about individual decisions, for morality changes, no ones perfect and promiscuity may be bad for disease but is quite significantly prevalent in society. I am not advocating or condemning anything, merely urging everyone to give the liberty to others to decide and take their own risks. 3. What about married gays keeping their outside forays secret from their wife? If you look at this from a neutral position, this is no more or less detestable than a str8 guy cheating his wife to go to the red light area or a boss having an affair with his secretary. Analogy: A love triangle this is pretty common is it not? Somehow, since this is depicted so often in movies and stories, that we laugh at it but here guys on the list get worked up on this question and say the wife must be informed! Its like expecting a str8 to notify his wife that he is dating so and so; so can she please excuse him? Please, I am not advocating cheating, but trying to put it in perspective. Ofcourse, there is a difference: The str8 guy has the fun he desired; so atleast for a few years he does not feel compelled to look outside. What about a homosexual? Who is more morally justified? If the relationship is otherwise harmonious, what is achieved by notifying wife dear that you are flirting with someone outside marriage with a guy or a gal? Here, the pundits will cry hoarse about being honest to yourself, being honest in a relationship etc. Ofcourse. Are we honest with ourselves when we give a bribe to the policeman? To the govt clerk to move our papers? Or is it morally more right to give a bribe than cheat your partner? We are dishonest in so many small and big ways in this country. My only submission is, let each individual decide what is his level of honesty and morality he wants to follow. He will surely get the returns for his behaviour. THE BOTTOM LINE IN THIS MORAL PLAY IS THAT NO ONE SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO HURT OTHERS, VIOLATE PRIVACY AND AFFECT LIBERTY. THE REST SHOULD BE LEFT TO THE INDIVIDUAL. One must not get into a trap of subdividing the universe of persons attracted to same sex by having subsets of those married to opposite sex, those married but loyal, those unmarried and loyal to one friend, those that are trapped in one gender but love another, etc etc. GOD has created wonderful variety on earth. As it is, homosexuality is not yet accepted very well. Then why create subgroups and weaken ourselves? Infact, WE SHOULD BE THE FOUNTAIN OF LIBERAL THOUGHT, INDIVIDUAL FREEDOM AND RESPECT VARIETY. Warm regards, A __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com Group Site: http://www.gaybombay.info ========================== This message was posted to the gay_bombay Yahoo! Group. Responses to messages (by clicking "Reply") will also be posted on the eGroup and sent to all members. If you'd like to respond privately to the author of any message then please compose and send a new email message to the author's email address. 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