Hi Rakshas (scary name, dude !)
I partially disagree with you. As you rightly said, commitment and monogamy are
perceived differently by different people. Hence I say that commitment =
mongamy is a simplistic assumption. What really matters is what the two
partners BOTH agree on as a relationship. If sexual fidelity is not felt
necessary by BOTH partners, who are others to judge them. There is no evidence
we have before us which says that sexual fidelity improves the chances of a
relationship working. It is simply a social concept we picked up as children
from the current heterosexual society. Of course if one of the partners DOES
NOT agree to an open relationship but the other still insists on covertly or
overtly sleeping around, then that's covered under the "don'ts" list as
"disgracing or degrading the partner", isn't it !
Cheers
Salil
RAK SHAS <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Hi,
having read ur response to suhail's mail am happy to note the points listed.
what I miss therein are words and their meaning as "committment" and
"monogamity". though these may be perceived differently my different ppl, I
personally feel that they are as important as any others listed and lack of
them is definately a negative drain on any longterm relationship.
thanks
RAKSHAS
----- Original Message ----
From: hirejaime <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, June 5, 2007 10:53:53 AM
Subject: g_b Re: "every gay guy knows the scene of long-term-relationships
among gays"
Hey Suhail,
What is the "scene" that every gay person is supposed to know about
long-term relationships. It's all a matter of when someone truly wants
to settle down. My partner and I would have been together for 21
years. He died ten years ago from cancer. My two best friends will be
celebrating their 15th anniversary on Sunday. We're a group of friends
in our mid 40s.
Things we learned about relationships, whether it be romantic or
friendship, is it must built on a solid foundation; open and honest
communication are essential; and learning to give positive charges
Praise, agreeing with a good idea verbally.
Affection
Understanding, listening
Open and honest expression
Connection and involvement
Cooperation, and listening
Acceptance, tolerance
Fun, humor
Honor, speaking well of partner
Showing positive interest
Verbal tenderness
Caring
Forgiving spirit
Validation
Empathetic
This is what I believe are negative drains on a relationship
Criticism (attacking partner's actions)
Contempt (condescending or belittling partner)
Defending your option
Emotional or verbal withdrawal
Isolation
Seeking too much control or power
Disapproval of mate's uniqueness
Bad moods, sulking
Disgracing or degrading partner
Disinterest
Harshness
Neglecting joy or sadness
Vindictive attitude
Invalidation
Falsely interpreting motives or feelings
Cheers!
Jaime
--- In [EMAIL PROTECTED] ups.com, Salil <salilmumbai@ ...> wrote:
>
>
> Hey Suhail
>
> You imply that gay men are generally uninterested or incapable of
long term relationships. This may be your experience, but please don't
generalise -
---------------------------------
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