courtesy gb ==============
The LABIA (Lesbians And Bisexuals In Action) group has brought out the 10th issue of their 'zine Scripts with a theme mothers and motherhood. Its one of their best issues yet, with lots of interesting and moving stories. You can get it by mailing them at [EMAIL PROTECTED] or [EMAIL PROTECTED] One small anecdote in particular really moved me. Its from Shruti, who's out to her mother, but as it shows her mother still needs time to deal with it. We often hear the excuse "my parents aren't ready to deal with it" as an excuse for not coming out to them, and perhaps that's true and there are real reasons not to tell them. But sometimes it can be just convenient on our part, because we don't want to deal with the embarassment and problems of coming out to them. And I don't want to take fixed positions on coming out, but I have to say that I find it hard to understand how, if you are close to your parents and they really love you, you cannot want them to know about something so personal and important to you. I'm not making this as a political statement, but a personal one - these aren't just random people, they're your parents. Having come out to them though, we can fall into another trap, of expecting to entirely understand and be supportive overnight. Many parents are like that, and its great, but one also has to appreciate that not everyone can do it that easily. Parents are people in their own right - something kids very easily forget - with their own feelings and prejudices and contexts and these cannot suddenly disappear just because of you. If that were the case it would seem to make your parents less real as people, just warm emotion dispensing machines. So its really a question of giving time and space, and no, this is not the same as conniving at a prejudice. I think Shruti's small anecdote catches this beautifully - the parent's honest acknowledgement of her (the parent's) problem, and the plea for time to deal with it: -------------------------------------- On this lovely, long car drive one afternoon, my mon asked my brother if he was seeing anyone. And she teased him about a couple of women. This was followed by a 5 minute silence and I was slowly beginning to fume when she suddenly turned to me and said, "I know I should be asking you the same question. But I am sorry. I am not ready to deal with your answers but I hope that one day I will be able to share your life as easily." Frankly, for me that was enough. My mom had acknowledged my queerness, admitted she fell short and attempted to understand my life some more. That to me was an acceptance of sorts and my day was made! Shruti --------------------------------------
