Corporation, Chaka Chak & Chicken
Confidence building measures to commence in Panjim
By Cecil Pinto
I don't know what it is about the bird flu that seems to bring out the
humour in us. When the tsunami struck, or some earthquake, or similar,
there was always a sense of shock and expressions of concern and sympathy.
But the bird flu scare elicits nothing of that sort. I have already
received seventeen SMS alerts that the bird flu strikes 'small cocks'
first. Some even more amusing bird flu related SMS' use rather mature
language and cannot be quoted. Newspapers are having a field day with
headlines, "Foul play suspected", "Chicken and egg situation" etc. Quite
frankly nobody's scared by the bird flu - but nobody's eating chicken either.
Restaurants and hotels had stocked up tons of chicken in anticipation of
the Carnival tourists. Wholesalers and retailers too are stuck with
freezers full of un-saleable product. Experts from their respective field
all reassure us that it's perfectly ok to eat properly cooked chicken. But
they themselves, none of them, are actually eating chicken.
While I'm on that will someone explain to me why they use the grandiose
term 'poultry products' when what they want to say is eggs! Even the
smallest poultry farmer and deep-freezer owner has a sign saying "Chicken &
Poultry Products". Other than the eggs what other poultry products are
there? Why waste two words (four syllables) when the simple monosyllabic
'eggs' would suffice?
Anyway, my opinion is that this 'bird flu' disease (not 'pandemic' as the
press likes to call it) has been blown totally out of proportion. Specially
here in Goa, I don't think there is any reason not to eat properly cooked
chicken. But as stray false reports and rumours are churning around the
poultry industry is going through a severe economic depression from which
it will take many years to recover. The hotel and restaurant industry too
is suffering a major blow. I suggest they join together and make some
creative moves to inspire confidence in the public. Convey to the Goan
public and the tourists that there's absolutely no danger in eating chicken.
The simplest method of course would be to rope in some trusted celebrities
and design some impact-ful advertisements. But this too isn't a fail-safe
plan. So what if Amitabh Bachchan says, "I can eat chicken and so can you"?
The natural reaction from the public would be "Sure, and in case you fall
sick you can afford Nanavati Hospital. I can't!". Also the suspicion will
be that the chicken Amitabh is shown eating in the advertisement was
probably imported from Switzerland, went through multiple checks and was
then cooked using complex technology unavailable to the common man. What we
need is credible normal people eating chicken on the street.
Elections to the Corporation of the City of Panjim (CCP) are fast
approaching. Battle lines have been drawn. What is the biggest question
facing each candidate? "Should I appeal to the people's civic sense or
shall I promise them the works?" No! "Should I make the garbage issue the
main plank of my campaign or shall I focus on the drainage problem?". No!
These matters are trivial. The question uppermost in candidates minds is
"What do I feed my workers, now that chicken is taboo?!!".
You see one of the benefits of being a worker for a candidate, at any
elections, is that one can consume unlimited chilled beer and unlimited
chicken (mostly chicken xacuti and bread). Now with the bird flu scare what
do the candidates feed their workers? Bhaji-puri? They would defect
immediately. Fish is much too expensive. Mutton would alienate the
Christians, beef would alienate the Hindus and pork wouldn't go down well
with the Muslim voters. Consider also that with thirty wards being carved
out of a not-so-populous Panjim, almost every voter is also a worker for
some candidate. We are not just talking of keeping workers happy, we are
talking about keeping voters happy.
I suggest that all candidates have roadside election meetings. At the very
beginning of the meeting live chicken are slaughtered and while the
speeches are in progress the chicken is cooked on the spot. The poultry
farmers will surely give their chickens free for such a good cause and the
restaurant industry will also give their equipment and cooks free. They all
stand to gain if this confidence building measure works. As soon as the
speeches conclude the candidate, with great fanfare, eats some chicken
himself, followed by the poultry farmers and the restaurateurs. The workers
will definitely join in on seeing this. Panjim is the capital city of Goa.
Panjim always leads the way. Goa watches what happens in Panjim. The rest
of the state will surely follow suit and start eating chicken again. The
country and the world will get the message, "It's safe to eat chicken in Goa!"
The CCP candidates missed their chance during the Carnival Parades.
Cutting, cooking and eating chicken on a moving parade float-truck would
have got them international attention and praise. Instead we had floats
that magnified the bird flu scare. Having said that I still say hats off to
the float designers who overnight managed to fabricate bird flu related
floats.
I hope the CCP candidates will take my suggestion seriously and do the
right thing for their workers, voters and Goa in general. The Government
has done all it can by reacting immediately and taking all health
precautions. Now it is time for us Ponjekars to show the rest of Goa that
"Chaka Chak" can apply to "Chicken" too!. And since the candidates won't
have to spend so much money on their workers perhaps we will get candidates
elected who genuinely want to serve the people, and not just those with the
deepest pockets.
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The humour column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated March 2nd 2006.
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