Hindu bride and Jewish groom? Someone will bring them together
KELLI KORDUCKI
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/toronto/hindu-bride-and-jewish-groom-who-will-officiate/article19972870/
Rabbi Eva Goldfinger has two basic criteria for the weddings she
performs: no God, and no sexism.
Ms. Goldfinger, Life Cycle director and adult educator for the Oraynu
Congregation for Humanistic Judaism in Don Mills, is one of a growing
body of religious leaders tweaking tradition to accommodate interfaith
unions in multicultural Toronto. And though her brand of secular Judaism
might be (quite literally) unorthodox, her attitude of inclusion is one
increasingly shared.
“People don’t get married for religious reasons,” she says. “People get
married for love and for having children and for getting the support
system to have your dreams met. So we need to support that.”
Since 1984, the number of weddings Ms. Goldfinger has officiated have
reached the thousands. Each year, she estimates that roughly 65 per cent
of these are with partners of mixed faiths, many of them co-officiated
with representatives from other religious traditions: Hindu, Muslim,
Catholic, Anglican, Baptist, and even a Mormon priest. The option to
integrate elements of two faiths in a wedding ceremony appeals to many
in this city of cultural fusion. And the rate of intermarriage, says Ms.
Goldfinger, is on the rise.
Between 1991 and 2001, interfaith marriages and common-law partnerships
across Canada increased from 15 to 19 per cent. Statistics Canada
projects that by 2031, nearly 31 per cent of Torontonians will be
non-Christian, up from approximately 21 per cent in 2006. As Toronto
becomes less religiously homogenous as a city, more and more romantic
partnerships will reflect that increased diversity.
In turn, religious organizations will be forced to consider the impact
of these interfaith couples on their communities, and decide for
themselves whether accommodating members with different beliefs poses an
existential threat or, alternately, the very means to that community’s
survival.
The major Christian denominations have their own policies regarding
interfaith marriage. While the Catholic Church permits couples of
different faiths to wed, a mixed-marriage petition must the filed in
advance and both parties are urged to commit to raising children in the
faith. The Anglican church abides by a similar, if less formalized,
attitude.
In other major religions, intermarriage is traditionally frowned upon;
in Toronto, clergy such as Ms. Goldfinger are helping to open up the
field. “You have a choice,” Ms. Goldfinger argues. “You either embrace
interfaith couples, or you lose them altogether.”
Samira Kanji, President and CEO of the Noor Cultural Centre, a hub for
Islamic cultural education, acquired a licence to perform marriages in
2005 to meet a growing number of requests, many from mixed-faith couples
looking to combine traditions. From the beginning, Ms. Kanji’s centre
has offered Muslims and their non-Muslim partners the option to receive
a traditional Nikkah, or Islamic wedding ceremony. The rite is replete
with an interfaith homily that allows for religious input from both
sides, grounded in the pluralistic teachings of the Quran.
“We’re very cognizant of the Islamic tradition,” says Ms. Kanji. “But in
Islam, there’s no hierarchy, no papal figure that decrees what’s
accepted practice and what isn’t. So there’s room to manoeuvre.”
While Noor remains relatively unique in its degree of flexibility –
Islamic organizations that will perform a Nikkah for a Muslim bride and
non-Muslim groom in particular are few, according to Ms. Kanji – she
points out that people’s relationships with ancient spiritual
revelations have always adjusted with the social contexts of their
times. Being responsive to a community’s demands is what keeps tradition
alive.
Noor’s numbers reinforce Ms. Kanji’s view. Of the 29 marriages performed
by the centre’s officers in 2013, 13 were interfaith, mostly involving a
Muslim bride and non-Muslim groom.
Pandit Roopnauth Sharma is the founder of Mississauga’s Ram Mandir, a
Hindu temple boasting a community of over 3000 members. Of the 50-60
marriages he performs annually, he estimates that some 15 per cent of
these involve mixed-faith couples. As his community expands, so too does
the number of interfaith marriages he performs in a year.
“I don’t believe any man has the right to say, ‘You cannot marry you
because you don’t believe in this or that,’” says Mr. Sharma. “You
believe in each other, and that’s what important.”
Despite a growing number of willing religious officiants, some couples
still opt for a non-denominational ceremony that blends elements of
faith with personal flourishes. Bradley Rabins and Hector Mejia’s
August, 2011 wedding took place at the downtown venue Arcadian Court,
with a non-denominational officiant. Yet, it was held under a chuppah,
or Jewish wedding canopy, and the pair broke a glass afterwards in
keeping with Mr. Rabins’ Jewish upbringing. As a nod to Mr. Mejia’s
Catholic background, they also said grace before dinner, lit a marriage
candle, and wed on a Saturday. One friend sang a cover of pop singer
Beyoncé’s Ave Maria at the ceremony; in lieu of a scriptural passage,
another read a poem. In the three years since marrying, the duo have
progressed naturally into a menorah-and-Nativity-set household.
“My mom always taught us to respect all cultures and all religions,”
says Mr. Mejia. “If you respect others, they’ll respect you.”
Though the couple didn’t marry at City Hall, some their favourite
wedding day photos were taken in front of the iconic local landmark. “We
wanted to highlight the fact that because we live in Toronto, in such a
multicultural city, we were able to have the ceremony that we wanted,”
Mr. Rabins explains. “Here, we didn’t have to fear.”
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Albert Peres
afpe...@3129.ca
416.660.0847 cell