Cheers Dears
By Augusto Pinto
Rol de Fol
Dears,
When I saw Rol de Fol, I knew the creep would touch me for money. Rol whose
full name was Rolandinho Francisco Filomeno de Faleiro, had returned to Goa,
or more correctly had been chased out, from Toronto, Canada. Rol was a wimp.
Not that I have anything against weak, cowardly, or ineffectual persons, but
whenever I met him, he wanted me to call him Dahling, as he did not like to
be addressed as Dear, which is what I call the macho types.
Rolandinho was called Rol de Fol because he regularly came up with
scatterbrained business ventures, which were just plausible enough to
relieve the gullible of their hard earned money. But over the years,
Torontoans had got fed up of the wimp's follies, but just before they could
force him to pay off his debts, he fled to Goa; where he continued to
indulge in his penchant for luring unsuspecting saps into his mad
businesses.
These business ideas would hit him after a few pegs in the bars he
frequented, whereupon he would seek out a bakra to fund him, after which he
would systematically fritter the money away.
"So what business are you into now, Rol Dahling ?' I asked. Of course, I had
no intention of wasting money on him, but I had some time to kill and Rol
was an excellent storyteller." "Gusto, this time I have a sure fire winner,"
he replied. "Fire away, Dahling," I said.
Rol said,"You know the violence that occurs all over India?" "Well I do read
the papers occasionally," I said dryly. He continued,"Then you know how
people are getting raped and murdered and attacked by goons. And you know
what happens when bandhs and morchas and agitations occur." "Sure," I said
cautiously,"Happens everywhere - even in Goa."
Said Rol,"Well, people will now want to prepare for trouble. To protect
themselves they will want to fortify their homes and their establishments.
Like in Canada and U.S.A., they will start to build safe rooms in order to
hide when the attackers come. These safe rooms will be fitted out with food
and water and medicines and a generator and everything to keep you safe,
till the mob goes away. Do you know what these rooms cost? In U.S.A. the
cheapest starts at $ 3000 and they go up to $ 50,000 - that's Rs 1,50,000 to
Rs 25 lakhs."
"So Rol, are you thinking of making these safe rooms?" "Yes, but not just
that, Gusto, when we have finished putting in these safe rooms, then we're
going to have the demand from attackers to have devices to locate where
those safe rooms are. Given that we fitted those safe rooms ourselves, we'll
know how to locate and open them."
I said sarcastically,"How brilliant, Rol Dahling! First you get paid to
build safe rooms, and then you get paid to show people where the rooms are,
and how they can be broken into. Is that all, Rol?" Ignoring my cutting tone
Rol went on, "No Gusto, that's not all. When people realize that their safe
rooms can be busted, they'll want weapons to defend themselves. We'll make
money by manufacturing those too. From crude Molotov cocktails to revolvers,
to sophisticated hand grenades and rocket launchers. So - more money! It's a
sure fire thing, man! When my Self Defence company called G.S.D.C. starts,
in no time the investors will become millionaires!"
"So are you going to start a factory in Goa,?" I inquired. "What!! And have
all these Citizen's Committees and Action Manches at my throat at their
Gram Sabhas? No way, maan!" "Okay, then where will you put it up , Rol
Dahling?"
"In Modi's Gujarat of course, Gusto. If Ratan Tata can do his Nano there, we
can make our self-defence products there too! And Modi would be our first
and best customer. Look, I'd like you to share the loot, Gusto, so I'm
offering you shares in the Gujarat Self Defence Company."
"And how much are you looking for Rol?" "I think we need a couple of
billions. But I'll start with just a lakh from you Gusto, for the seed
capital" In spite of all I knew about Rol de Fol, I was impressed, and
said,"I'll think about it Rol Dahling."
Till next time then...
Cheers (ENDS)
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The above article appeared in the October 29, 2008 edition of the Herald,
Goa
