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2006 * * * Y E A R * * * O F * * * T H E * * * S E N I O R
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Goa Sudharop Annual Awards on November 20, 2006 @ Mandovi Hotel @ 4:30pm
Chief Guest: Dr. Asha Vishwanath Sawardekar
A series of essays as a tribute to Goan Seniors can be found at:
http://www.goanet.org/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=524
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Know your man by his mobile
Size matters, as do features and performance
By Cecil Pinto
Last Friday Bhadrinath Yellapa, a freelance plumber's assistant who
lives in a rented shanty in an illegal basti in Betim, finally was
given a mobile and Lifetime-Incoming-Free connection by his boss.
Yellapa does not have a square meter of land to his name, he does not
have access to a regular toilet near his shanty, not even a free
Government provided Sulabh type one, but he has a mobile. Owning a
mobile is no longer a status symbol, most everyone has one.
So what does a mobile tell us about the man? Can you choose a steady
boyfriend, or make a lifetime commitment of fidelity to a man, by
checking out his mobile? Surely his mobile choice and usage tells us
more about him than such factors that he has no power over like his
horoscope or caste? Or things difficult to change like his religion
or name? Or permanent physical attributes like complexion, height,
presence of hair on head, or dimensions of vital organs. I am
examining only male mobile users' habits as I have been cautioned
that too many columns have been spent by me on examining the
frailties of the female gender. So this one's for the girls!
Let us examine some aspects of mobiles and see what we can predict
about their male owners.
Ownership Circumstances:
Yellapa was given a mobile by his plumber boss. It was given so the
boss could keep track of him as well as have him on call. Yellapa may
revel in his upward mobility, not realizing that his freelance status
has been compromised by accepting this gift. Did a parent / guardian
gift the phone and connection? Unasked for? Asking for, or accepting
a mobile as a gift, is ok provided the receiver knows exactly what
the reciprocal involves. If an employee accepts a mobile from an
employer and agrees to be contactable at all hours then he doesn't
value his personal space and privacy very much. Low self esteem.
Indulgent parents naturally gift their non-earning sons mobile
phones. The boys who choose the best, and hence most expensive, model
in town are spoilt brats with no idea of the value of money. Immature.
Brand Model & Features Usage:
My Kuwait based cousin Roland has the latest, latest mobile. In
addition to video camera it has Touch Screen and WAP, GPRS and a
whole lot of other stuff that makes it more powerful than my desktop
PC at home. Problem is Roland doesn't even know how to send SMS from
his mobile and uses it only to make and receive calls. Now why
couldn't Roland purchase a bare-bones phone that just has the basic
features he needs? Show off. That's all. If you're not using the
features why pay for them? For that matter most mobile users just use
their instruments to make and receive calls and the occasional SMS.
Unfortunately they get conned into buying a dozen other gizmos
packaged into the same phone. Suckers.
Young men of my generation used to compare bikes and girlfriends and
yes sometimes even our vital physical statistics. Now they sit around
in groups comparing whose mobile phone is slicker and which got more
features. "So what if Carl's hung like a horse and has three steady
girlfriends, I got Bluetooth!", "See, my phone is smaller than your
phone!" We all know that men with small appendages drive big cars,
but why do men with small appendages want even more minuscule mobiles?
Degree of Customization:
My friend Sandeep not only knows his instrument inside out he has
customized it to such and extent that it reeks of Sandeep - and I say
this in a positive way. If he is being called from his home phone a
lovely photo of his wife and young son pops up and the ring tone is a
recording of his son saying, "Dada, Mama wants to talk to you!" If
his mother-in-law calls a ugly demon picture pops up and the ring
tone is a dog barking. The paneling of Sandeep's phone is exactly the
same colour and styling as his car. He has set, and constantly uses,
shortcuts to all regular functions. This man knows every feature of
his phone and uses them all. Geek. His obsession with optimizing
technology usage may be radical but much better Sandeep than Gerald
who has not changed his default ring tone since the day he brought
his mobile. Not a single word added to the T9 dictionary. No
shortcuts to often used phone numbers. No special dialer tone, no
nothing. Boring.
Scheme Choice and Usage:
And of course the best indicator of a man's personality is the
service provider and billing method he prefers and how much and how
he uses his phone. If he's a post-paid guy then either he's pretty
well to do or his company foots the bill. Rich. If he's one of those
pre-paid guys who always has loads of money loaded in but is
constantly going past his validity date then he's a miser who hardly
uses his phone to make calls, only receive. Stingy. If he's chosen
the scheme which gives you SMS dirt cheap then he's a texting addict
and therefore not a very good conversationalist. Self-absorbed loner.
Specially so if he uses so many short-forms that his message reads
like pure gibberish and takes forever to decipher.
If he has no clue as to what different service schemes are available
he's a dreamer. Impractical idealist. Does he speak hastily to try
and finish before one minute is up? Tightwad. Does he create jokes or
just forward them? Conformist. Does he give you missed calls and
expect you to call back? Inconsiderate. Does he top up with Rs. 10/-?
Myopic. Does he have a embarrassingly blaring ring tone and does he
speak loudly while receiving the call at the table instead of
politely going some distance away? Attention Seeking Lout or Deaf!
Doesn't all this tell you some thing about him? Wake up girl, drop
that loser. Find someone sensible and sensitive - with a mobile to
match! And while I'm on the topic, if his mobile is a rounded flip
top or one of those sleek slim things that look too good to be really
functional - he's probably gay!
------
The humour column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 16th November 2006
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