FOOTLOOSE / Derek Almeida --------------------------------------------- The bomb within
Gomantak Times, June 1, 2008 IT WAS ON Thursday that members of the Goa Bombard Abhiyan met in a secluded room in Caranzalem to bomb the interim report on the Regional Plan and declare war on the Task Force. "Brothers and sisters," said Sauceter Castro, the loudest leader of the pack, "we must bomb the interim report and fight the government, with arms if required." "Yes," said Mingle Tingle. "I agree with Sauceter. We must withdraw from all negotiations with the Task Force and bomb the interim report...." Provin Savarkar and many others put up their hands to express solidarity with Sauster and Mingle Tingle. Others put up their arms to scratch their armpits. Oskar Guevara, the undisputed leader of the pack, was undecided. "Alright," said Oskar. "If you want to bomb the interim report, so be it. Now, does anyone have bombs?" He hardly finished his sentence when all those in favour of bombing the interim report emptied their pockets. The exercise took about 15 minutes. Oskar looked at the arsenal before him and frowned. There were 17 forks, 22 spoons, 11 butter knives, 12 rolling pins, a bottle of snuff, 19 heavy duty paper weights, five bottles of feni and six of whiskey, nine staplers, some sticks and stones and a box of pins. "What are the feni and whiskey bottles for?" asked Oskar. "If we mix both we could make some Moltov cocktail and then bomb the interim report," said Mingle Tingle. "This will not do," thundered Oskar. "If we have to do a perfect job, we will need dynamite to bomb such a volumnious report." "If you want dynamite, I can get it for you," said a baritone voice in the corner. Everyone looked towards the voice as Shreedhor Tope stepped into the light. "As a fisherman who fishes at night, I know everything about TNT." Sauceter and Mingle Tingle were delighted. "This is excellent. After we blast the interim report, we can send a message to the press saying, 'the interim report sleeps with the fishes.'" "Fish don't sleep," said Tope in his baritone voice. "They sleep at night," insisted Saucester, "or else how do you catch them?" "Let's not get technical about this," said Guevara, "we shall get Claude Lenin to do a study on the fish, after which we will take a decision on who sleeps at night. In the meantime, where is the dynamite?" Tope threw one stick kof dynamite on the table. Everyone, including Guevara, ran out of the room. The last man standing was Tope. Anyway, to cut a long story short, everyone returned after having a cup of tea at Sagar's gadda. After the group had reassembled, Pat Gama and Ritu Besant raised objections about the use of violence against the interim report. "I am against violence," declared Guevara. "I therefore suggest that we tear the interim report." "Technically speaking, we cannot tear the copy," said Pat, "because it is a soft copy. However, we could take printouts and then tear only those pages which are objectionable...." "Nothing doing," shouted Sauceter. "Down with those who are against bombing." This was enough for Sauceter, Provin and a few others to revolt. They jumped over the table and attacked the ladies. In the melee, Mingle Tingle picked up a butter knife and stabbed Oskar seven times in the abdomen. Oskar feel to the floor, clutching his belly. Sabrina Devi rushed to his rescue, but in vain. He was finally picked up and placed on the table. A priest who was also part of the group moved forward to administer the last rites. Rita and Pat cried. Five minutes later Oskar woke up. "He's alive," yelled Sabrina. Mingle Tingle kept looking at his butter knife and back at Oskar who was enraged. Then all hell broke loose again. Oskar attacked Tingle Mingle, Sauceter hit out at Sabrina, Provin latched on to Rita.... The fight might have continued if the priest had not suggested that the meeting be adjourned for a cup of tea. Everyone rushed to Sagar's gadda for a cuppa and returned. There was suspicion all around. The trust that once held them together was broken. However, in the larger interest of saving Goa, they sat around the table. "I told you, the butter knife wouldn't work," Oskar told Mingle Tingle. But he paid no attention. He was bent on bombing the interim report. He quietly lit a cigar, took a long drag and tossed the match on the table. Sabrina was the first to react, but she was too late. The dynamite stick exploded. Oskar lost six teeth. All the hair on Saucester's head was burnt. The lenses on Mingle Tingle's glasses were cracked. Sabrina looked funny with one eyebrow and the lower half of the priest's cassock was reduced to ash. Provin, who was short of one ear, looked at the priest and said, "So you do wear pants under the cassock?" No one paid attention. "Who tossed the match?" Oskar coughed as black smoke emerged from his mouth. Everybody looked at Mingle Tingle who kept shaking his head from East to West. All hell broke loose again. SEND YOUR COMMENTS TO [EMAIL PROTECTED] or SMS 9850209604