Re: [homenet] Robert Wilton's No Objection on draft-ietf-homenet-front-end-naming-delegation-19: (with COMMENT)
Thanks for the comment Robert,
I appreciate the suggestion to use YANG, we thought of it. The main reason
we did not do it was we did not want the document to keep on growing and if
such a model were defined it would be good to have it normative.
I will go through the grammar, though I expect we have been through a lot
of those.
Yours,
Daniel
On Thu, Oct 20, 2022 at 6:56 AM Robert Wilton via Datatracker <
nore...@ietf.org> wrote:
> Robert Wilton has entered the following ballot position for
> draft-ietf-homenet-front-end-naming-delegation-19: No Objection
>
> When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all
> email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this
> introductory paragraph, however.)
>
>
> Please refer to
> https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/
> for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions.
>
>
> The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here:
>
> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-homenet-front-end-naming-delegation/
>
>
>
> --
> COMMENT:
> --
>
> Like other ADs, I found this document hard to read.
>
> Rather than defining a JSON schema file in Appendix B, it would be much
> better
> if this was defined in YANG, which is the IETF standard data modelling
> language
> for network configuration. A JSON encoding for YANG defined data also
> exists
> so it would still work for what is proposed here.
>
> I also ran a grammar tool over the XML for -19, and it flagged up these
> warnings that you might want to consider checking/fixing in the next
> revision
> (they are not necessarily all valid):
>
> Spellings:
> Sometimes you use HomeNet, in other places, Homenet, and also homenet.
> Pre-requisite,
> SIgning,
>
> Grammar Warnings:
> Section: abstract, draft text:
> Home network owners may have devices or services hosted on this home
> network
> that they wish to access from the Internet (i.e., from a network outside
> of the
> home network). Warning: This phrase is redundant. Consider using outside.
> Suggested change: "outside"
>
> Section: 1, draft text:
> The appendices discuss several management (see [sec-reverse]) provisioning
> (see
> [sec-reverse]), configurations (see [info-model]) and deployment (see
> [sec-deployment] and [sec-ex-manu]) aspects. Warning: Possible agreement
> error. The noun management seems to be uncountable; consider using: some
> management. Suggested change: "some management"
>
> Section: 3, draft text:
> The IPv6 ULA and the private IPv4 addresses may be useful to publish, if
> the
> home network environment features a VPN that would allow the home owner to
> reach the network. Warning: This noun normally spelled as one word.
> Suggested
> change: "homeowner"
>
> Section: 3, draft text:
> Since communications are established with names which remain a global
> identifier, the communication can be protected by TLS the same way it is
> protected on the global Internet - using certificates. Warning: Possible
> typo:
> you repeated a whitespace Suggested change: " "
>
> Section: 4, draft text:
> While the IETF has defined a DNS based mechanism Dynamic Update [RFC2136],
> in
> many – as far as the co-authors know in all cases – case commercial
> “Dynamic
> Update” solutions are primarily implemented via a HTTPS RESTful API.
> Warning:
> Use an instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound,
> e.g. 'an
> article', 'an hour' Suggested change: "an"
>
> Section: 4, draft text:
> Any host can do this regardless of whether or not the home network
> administrator wants the name published or not. Warning: Consider
> shortening
> this phrase to just whether. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless
> of
> whether'. Suggested change: "whether"
>
> Section: 4, draft text:
> The DNS zone are then synchronized using an alternative mechanism as the
> one
> designed for zone synchronisation inherited from the primary used case
> where
> the synchronization is performed at the node level. Warning: Do not mix
> variants of the same word ('synchronisation' and 'synchronization') within
> a
> single text. Suggested change: "synchronization"
>
> Section: 4, draft text:
> Our proposal use the standard mechanism defined by DNS for zone
> synchronisation.
> Warning: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for
> singular
> and mass nouns: uses. Suggested change: "uses"
>
> Section: 4, draft text:
> Our proposal use the standard mechanism defined by DNS for zone
> synchronisation.
> Warning: Do not mix variants of the same word ('synchronisation' and
> 'synchronization') within a single text. Suggested change:
> "synchronization"
>
> Section: 5.1, draft text:
> Such a domain name does not need to be human readable.
> Warning: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
>
[homenet] Robert Wilton's No Objection on draft-ietf-homenet-front-end-naming-delegation-19: (with COMMENT)
Robert Wilton has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-homenet-front-end-naming-delegation-19: No Objection
When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all
email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this
introductory paragraph, however.)
Please refer to
https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/
for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions.
The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here:
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-homenet-front-end-naming-delegation/
--
COMMENT:
--
Like other ADs, I found this document hard to read.
Rather than defining a JSON schema file in Appendix B, it would be much better
if this was defined in YANG, which is the IETF standard data modelling language
for network configuration. A JSON encoding for YANG defined data also exists
so it would still work for what is proposed here.
I also ran a grammar tool over the XML for -19, and it flagged up these
warnings that you might want to consider checking/fixing in the next revision
(they are not necessarily all valid):
Spellings:
Sometimes you use HomeNet, in other places, Homenet, and also homenet.
Pre-requisite,
SIgning,
Grammar Warnings:
Section: abstract, draft text:
Home network owners may have devices or services hosted on this home network
that they wish to access from the Internet (i.e., from a network outside of the
home network). Warning: This phrase is redundant. Consider using outside.
Suggested change: "outside"
Section: 1, draft text:
The appendices discuss several management (see [sec-reverse]) provisioning (see
[sec-reverse]), configurations (see [info-model]) and deployment (see
[sec-deployment] and [sec-ex-manu]) aspects. Warning: Possible agreement
error. The noun management seems to be uncountable; consider using: some
management. Suggested change: "some management"
Section: 3, draft text:
The IPv6 ULA and the private IPv4 addresses may be useful to publish, if the
home network environment features a VPN that would allow the home owner to
reach the network. Warning: This noun normally spelled as one word. Suggested
change: "homeowner"
Section: 3, draft text:
Since communications are established with names which remain a global
identifier, the communication can be protected by TLS the same way it is
protected on the global Internet - using certificates. Warning: Possible typo:
you repeated a whitespace Suggested change: " "
Section: 4, draft text:
While the IETF has defined a DNS based mechanism Dynamic Update [RFC2136], in
many – as far as the co-authors know in all cases – case commercial “Dynamic
Update” solutions are primarily implemented via a HTTPS RESTful API. Warning:
Use an instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an
article', 'an hour' Suggested change: "an"
Section: 4, draft text:
Any host can do this regardless of whether or not the home network
administrator wants the name published or not. Warning: Consider shortening
this phrase to just whether. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of
whether'. Suggested change: "whether"
Section: 4, draft text:
The DNS zone are then synchronized using an alternative mechanism as the one
designed for zone synchronisation inherited from the primary used case where
the synchronization is performed at the node level. Warning: Do not mix
variants of the same word ('synchronisation' and 'synchronization') within a
single text. Suggested change: "synchronization"
Section: 4, draft text:
Our proposal use the standard mechanism defined by DNS for zone synchronisation.
Warning: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular
and mass nouns: uses. Suggested change: "uses"
Section: 4, draft text:
Our proposal use the standard mechanism defined by DNS for zone synchronisation.
Warning: Do not mix variants of the same word ('synchronisation' and
'synchronization') within a single text. Suggested change: "synchronization"
Section: 5.1, draft text:
Such a domain name does not need to be human readable.
Warning: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggested change: "human-readable"
Section: 5.1, draft text:
Instead these keys are solely used by the HNA for the authentication to the DM.
Warning: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggested change: "Instead,"
Section: 5.1.1, draft text:
One potential mechanism to provide the parameters would be to provide the user
with a JSON object which they can copy paste into the CPE - such as described
in [info-model]. Warning: Did you mean copy and paste? Suggested change:
"copy and paste"
Section: 6.1, draft text:
The “.local” as well as “.home.arpa” are explicitly not considered as Public
Homenet zones and represented as
