From: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
BELIEVING WIFE & ABUSIVE BELIEVING/UNBELIEVING HUSBAND
To "Clarissa" from R Tyler oldservant8 --Jabez1Chr4 -- Elkanah
Dear Clarissa [Names etc changed for privacy,
You wrote ---- and I respond at /// Please think and pray about it.
In a message dated 6/30/04 5:36:55 AM, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
Clarissa: << Dear Brothers and Sisters,
I need your prayers. I need Jesus. SNIP My husband drinks every night now
and he thinks that it's okay to "play" with a person when drinking ex. pulling
hair, etc.); Now got mad when I discussed this with him and it took a lot of
courage because I take a lot of abuse from him.>>>
///When a husband is abusive, threatening and hurtful to his wife and
children, should she stay and take it?
Can she leave him for the safety of herself and her children?
***Mat 10:23* Whenever they persecute you in one town, escape to the next; .
. . WEY
***1 Co 7: 10 Â But to the married I enjoin, not *I*, but the Lord, A wife should not
be separated from husband;
11 (but if also she shall have been separated, she should remain unmarried, or be
reconciled to her husband;) . . . . .
///The wife has the option of leaving her husband and remaining celibately
separated from him.
If during that separation, and her husband is found to be an unbeliever of Jesus, when
he no longer wants to dwell with her and rejects, abandons, repudiates her and
the marriage, then she is free of him and free to divorce him and remarry.
***1 Cor. 7:13* And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased
to be dwelling with her, she should not leave/divorce/ abandon/ repudiate him. 14 For
the unbelieving husband is set apart for God by the wife, . . . . ; else your
children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
15 But if the unbelieving one separates/departs, he/she should separate/depart. A
brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such [cases], but God has called us
in peace.
16 For what do you know, O wife, whether you shall save [your] husband?
***Mt. 10:23 But when they persecute you in this city, flee to the other; . . . .
///When your husband persecutes you in one city, flee to another.
***Joh 11:53 From that day therefore they took counsel that they might kill him.
54 Jesus therefore walked no longer openly among the Jews, but went away thence into
the country near the desert, to a city called Ephraim, and there he sojourned with the
disciples.
***Mt 2:13 Now, they having departed, behold, an angel of the Lord appears in a dream
to Joseph, saying, Arise, take to thee the little child and his mother, and flee into
Egypt, and be there until I shall tell thee; for Herod will seek the little child to
destroy it.
///When you learn that your mate is intent on doing grave harm to you, take your
children and flee to another county, state or country if you have to in order to be
safe.
***Mt 12: 14 Â But the Pharisees, having gone out, took counsel against him, how they
might destroy him.
15 But Jesus knowing it, withdrew thence, and great crowds followed him; and he healed
them all:
***Ac 14: 5 And when an assault was making, both of those of the nations and
the Jews with their rulers, to use them ill and stone them,
6 they, being aware of it, fled to the cities of Lycaonia, Lystra and Derbe, and the
surrounding country,
7 and there they were announcing the glad tidings.
///When you learn that your mate is intent on doing grave harm to you, flee from him
and find another place to serve God.
***Joh 7:1 And after these things Jesus walked in Galilee, for he would not walk in
Judaea, because the Jews sought to kill him.
///When you know that you mate seeks to do you harm, do not live or walk where he
lives.
***Ac 9:24 But their plot became known to Saul. And they watched also the gates both
day and night, that they might kill him; 25 but the disciples took him by night and
let him down through the wall, lowering him in a basket.
///When you know that you mate seeks to do you harm, flee to the Jesus believers and
let them escape from your evil mate.
***Luke 6:27 Â But I say to you who hear: Love your [mates who have made
themselves your] enemies, . . .
///What does that mean? That means being patient and kind with your mate, showing
that love with neither envy nor jealousy, without being forward and self-assertive,
boastful or conceited. She does not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize
herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger at her mate, nor brood over wrongs done to
her by her mate.
She finds no pleasure in any injustice done to her mate, but joyfully sides with the
truth when she can.
She knows how to be silent, calm and peaceful. She is full of trust in Jesus, full of
hope in Jesus, full of patient endurance because of Jesus.
***Luke 6:27 . . . do good to those [mates] who hate you,
28 bless those [mates] who curse you, and pray for those [mates] who despitefully use
you.
29 And to him/her who strikes you on the [one] cheek, also offer the other. . . .
///If you mate call himself/herself a believer and he/she curses you, despitefully
uses you and/or hits you, you are under command to separate from your mate, not even
to eat with such a mate.
***1 Cor 5:9 Â I have written to you in the epistle not to mix with fornicators; . .
.
11* But now I have written to you, if any one called brother be fornicator, or
avaricious, or idolater, or abusive, or a drunkard, or rapacious, not to mix with him;
with such a one not even to eat.
///In the meantime, while separated, what are you supposed to do?
***2Tim 2:24* and a bondservant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be
inoffensive towards all men, a skilful teacher, and patient under wrongs.
25 He must speak in a gentle tone when correcting the errors of opponents, in the
hope that God will at last give them repentance, for them to come to a full knowledge
of the truth
26 and recover sober-mindedness and freedom from the Devilâs snare, though they are
now entrapped by him to do his will.
***MT 18:15* Â âIf your brother acts wrongly towards you, go and point out his
fault to him when only you and he are there. If he listens to you, you have gained
your brother.
16 But if he will not listen to you, go again, and ask one or two to go with you, that
every word spoken may be attested by two or three witnesses.
///If none of this works, then you do---
***Mt 18:17 If he refuses to hear them, appeal to the Church; and if he refuses to
hear even the Church, regard him just as you regard a Gentile or a tax-gatherer.
******1Cor 5: 3 For I myself, though absent in body, have been present with you in
spirit, and in the name of our Lord Jesus I have already passed judgement, just as if
I had been present, upon the man who has acted in this way.
4 I have decided-having been present in spirit at your meetings, when the power of
the Lord Jesus was with us-
5 To deliver such a man as this over to Satan, that what is sensual in him may be
destroyed, so that his spirit may be saved at the Day of the Lord. 6 Your boasting is
unseemly. Do not you know that even a little leaven leavens all the dough?
///If you can't escape/flee, call on Jesus for deliverance and commit yourself to His
keeping, and . . .
Luke 6:29 And to him/her who strikes you on the [one] cheek, also offer the other. And
to him/her who takes away your garment, do not forbid your tunic also.
30 Give to everyone who asks of you [including your mate], . . .
///In a message Georgina writes:
G: >Hello Ron
>He was very very abusive and a drug addict. I have been told by many ministers
>and people of God that I needed to leave him.
///There is no question about the correctness of leaving him.
***1 COR 5: 9 Â I wrote to you in that letter that you were not to associate with
fornicators;
10 not that in this world you are to keep wholly aloof from such as they, any more
than from people who are avaricious and greedy of gain, or from worshippers of idols.
For that would mean that you would be compelled to go out of the world altogether.
11* But what I meant was that you were not to associate with any one bearing the name
of âbrother,â if he was addicted to fornication or avarice or idol-worship or
abusive language or hard-drinking or greed of gain. With such a man you ought not even
to eat.
*** 2Th3:6* Â We urge you, Brothers, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, to avoid
any Brother who is living an ill-ordered life, which is not in agreement with the
teaching that you received from us. . . . . .
13 You, Brothers, must not grow weary of doing what is right.
14* If any one disregards what we have said in this letter, mark that man and avoid
his company, that he may feel ashamed.
15 Yet do not think of him as an enemy, but caution him as you would a Brother.
///So leaving and separating yourself from an abusive man is not the problem.
The problem is, "What is my relationship now with this man I have left/divorced?" If
the abusive man was genuinely saved but tragically snared in sin, then the situation
is as follows with the wife still maritally bound to the man in the Kingdom of God and
so unable to marry another:
1Cor 7: 10 Â But to the married I enjoin, not *I*, but the Lord, The wife should not
be separated from husband; 11 (but if also she shall have been separated, she should
remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband;) and A HUSBAND SHOULD NOT LEAVE A
WIFE.
10* Â To those who are married my direction is-yet it is not mine, but the
Masterâs-that a woman is not to leave her husband
11 (If she has done so, let her remain as she is, or else be reconciled to her
husband) and also that a man is not to divorce his wife. TCNT
/// If the abusive man was not genuinely saved , then the situation is as follows with
the wife still maritally bound to the man in the Kingdom of God and so unable to marry
another as long as he wants to live/house with her, as long as he has not abandonned
the relationship
***1 Cor. 7:12 But to the rest I [Paul] say, not the Lord, if any brother has an
unbelieving wife, and she is consenting to dwell with him, he should not leave/
divorce/ abandon/ repudiate her
13* And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to be
dwelling with her, she should not leave/divorce/ abandon/repudiate him. . . . .
15 But if the unbelieving one separates/departs, he/she should separate/depart. A
brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such [cases], but God has called us in
peace.
16 For what do you know, O wife, whether you shall save [your] husband?
***12* To all others I say-I, not the Master-If a Brother is married to a woman, who
is an unbeliever but willing to live with him, he should not divorce her;
13* And a woman who is married to a man, who is an unbeliever but willing to live with
her, should not divorce her husband. . . . .
15* However, if the unbeliever wishes to be separated, let him be so. Under such
circumstances neither the Brother nor the Sister is bound; God has called you to live
in peace. TCNT :
G:> He says he is saved but I am not sure.
///This is the issue that is critical. We know that genuinely saved people don't
continue in sin and keep on doing a sin.
***1 John 3:6 No one who continues in union with Him keeps on practicing and
living in sin: no one who keeps on living in sin has seen Him or knows Him.
7 Dear children, let no one lead you astray. The man who continues acting
righteously, practicing righteousness, is righteous, just as He is righteous.
8 He who is habitually practicing and living in sin is a child of the Devil, . . . .
9 No one who is a child of God habitually practices and lives in sin. A God-given
germ of life remains in him, and he cannot habitually sin--because he is a child of
God.
10 By this we can distinguish Godâs children and the Devilâs children: no one who
keeps on failing to act righteously is a child of God, nor he who does not keep on
loving his brother man. 1 John 3 WEY+TCNT+DBY
/// Having genuine faith in the Jesus Christ of the Bible, I believe that no one who
continues in union with Him keeps on practicing and living in disobedience to Jesus,
that no one who continues to disobey Jesus has seen Him or knows Him. I believe that
the person who continues acting righteously according to the Word of God, practicing
righteousness, is righteous, just as Jesus is righteous. I believe that the one who is
habitually practicing and living in disobedience against Jesus is a child of the
Devil, that no one who is a child of God habitually practices and lives in
disobedience against Jesus. I believe that the God-given germ of life remains in His
child, and he/she cannot habitually disobey Jesus--because he/she is a child of God. I
believe that it is by this we can distinguish Godâs children and the Devilâs
children, that no one who continues to act unrighteously is a child of God, nor one
who does not co
ntinue to unselfishly and compassionately cherish in Love the people in his/her
life. 1 John 3:6-10 WEY+TCNT+DBY
///The genuine believer cannot continue in sin and keep on practicing and living in
sin because either Father will chasten him with weakness and sickness to the point the
believer stops sinning, or He delivers the body of the sinning saint to Satan for the
destruction of the believers body, and then Father takes that snared believer Home
where he can no longer sin or be tempted to sin.
*** 1 Cor 5:4* In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are all assembled and
my spirit is with you, together with the power of our Lord Jesus,
5 I have handed over such a man to Satan for the destruction of his body, that his
spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord Jesus.
***1 Cor 11:30* That is why many among you are sickly and out of health, and why not a
few die.
31 If, however, we estimated ourselves aright, we should not be judged.
32 But when we are judged by the Lord, chastisement follows, to save us from being
condemned along with the world.
///The Father's goal is not death, but deliverance from sin, and if the brother
repents in godly sorrow, the brother has been delivered from the sin.
***2 Cor 7:9 Now I rejoice, not in your grief, but because the grief led to
repentance; for you sorrowed with a godly sorrow, which prevented you from receiving
injury from us in any respect.
10 For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, a repentance not to be
regretted; but the sorrow of the world finally produces death.
11 For mark the effects of this very thing--your having sorrowed with a godly
sorrow--what earnestness it has called forth in you, what eagerness to clear
yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing affection, what jealousy, what
meting out of justice! You have completely wiped away reproach from yourselves in the
matter.
***2Cor2:5* Â Now if any one has caused sorrow, it has been caused not so much to me,
as in some degree--for I have no wish to exaggerate--to all of you.
6 In the case of such a person the punishment which was inflicted by the majority of
you is enough.
7 So that you may now take the opposite course, and forgive him rather and comfort
him, for fear he should perhaps be driven to despair by his excess of grief.
8 I beg you therefore fully to reinstate him in your love.
9 For in writing to you I have also this object in view--to discover by experience
whether you are prepared to be obedient in every respect.
10 When you forgive a man an offence I also forgive it; for in fact what I have
forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has always been for your sakes in the presence
of Christ,
11 for fear Satan should gain an advantage over us. For we are not ignorant of his
devices.
///So the critical issue is to determine if he is genuinely saved. The best way to do
that is to obey the following:
***2 Tim 2:24* and a bondservant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be
inoffensive towards all men, a skilful teacher, and patient under wrongs.
25* He must speak in a gentle tone when correcting the errors of opponents, in the
hope that God will at last give them repentance, for them to come to a full knowledge
of the truth
26 and recover sober-mindedness and freedom from the Devilâs snare, though they are
now entrapped by him to do his will.
***MT 18:15* Â âIf your brother acts wrongly towards you, go and point out his
fault to him when only you and he are there. If he listens to you, you have gained
your brother.
16 But if he will not listen to you, go again, and ask one or two to go with you, that
every word spoken may be attested by two or three witnesses.
17 If he refuses to hear them, appeal to the Church; and if he refuses to hear even
the Church, regard him just as you regard a Gentile/unbeliever or a tax-gatherer.
///If he claims to be genuinely saved but continues in his sin and refuses to hear
even the delegation from the church, Jesus commands you to regard him as an
unbeliever, meaning that you a believing wife come under the instructions of a
believer married to an unbeliever:
***1 Cor. 7:12 But to the rest I [Paul] say, not the Lord, if any brother has an
unbelieving wife, and she is consenting to dwell with him, he should not leave/
divorce/ abandon/ repudiate her
13* And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to be
dwelling with her, she should not leave/divorce/ abandon/repudiate him. . . .
15 But if the unbelieving one separates/departs, he/she should separate/depart. A
brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such [cases], but God has called us in
peace. \
///So yes, you may separate/divorce from such an unbeliever, but as long as he wants
to live with you and wants to be married to (living with) you, you are still maritally
bound to him in the Kingdom of God, even if divorced from him in the kingdom of
humans. The moment, hour or day he no longer wants to live with (be married to) you,
you are free from him in the Kingdom of God. If he says he doesn't want to live with
you but still wants to be married to you, it is over because by separating himself
from you and not wanting to live with you, he has ended his marital ties to you. You
are free to remarry someone in Jesus.
///How are you supposed to act towards him now? While maintaining physcial
separation from him for safety, I believe you should do the following:
Luke 6:27* Â But to you who hear I say--Love your enemies, show kindness to those who
hate you,
28 Bless those who curse you, pray for those who insult you.
29 When a man gives one of you a blow on the cheek, offer the other cheek as well;
and, when any one takes away your cloak, do not keep back your coat either.
30 Give to every one who asks of you; and, when any one takes away what is yours, do
not demand its return.
31 Do to others as you wish them to do to you.
32 If you love only those who love you, what thanks will be due to you?
Why, even the outcast love those who love them!
33 For, if you show kindness only to those who show kindness to you, what thanks will
be due to you? Even the outcast do that!
34 If you lend only to those from whom you expect to get something, what thanks will
be due to you? Even the outcast lend to the outcast in the hope of getting as much in
return!
35 But love your enemies, and show them kindness, and lend to them, never despairing.
Then your reward shall be great, and you shall be Sons of the Most High, for he is
kind to the thankless and the bad.
36 Learn to be merciful--even as your Father is merciful.
Romans 12:16 Let the same spirit of sympathy animate you all, not a spirit of
pride; be glad to associate with the lowly. Do not think too highly of yourselves.
17 Never return injury for injury. Aim at doing what all men will recognize as
honorable. 18 If it is possible, as far as rests with you, live peaceably with every
one.
19 Never avenge yourselves, dear friends, but make way for the Wrath of God; for
Scripture declares--ââIt is for me to avenge, I will requite,â says the Lord.â
20 Rather--âIf your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him to drink.
By doing this you will heap coals of fire upon his head.â
21 Never be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.
G:> I didnt see it as wise to stay with him. It wasnt safe for my kids and myself. I
know it was time to go.
///You were right to do so.
Clarissa: SNIP Please pray that I will get help with this.
I am hurting...but I know that Jesus is the Answer NO Matter WHAT!
Clarissa >>
///1 Cor. 7:12 But to the rest I [Paul] say, not the Lord, if any brother has an
unbelieving wife, and she is consenting to dwell with him, he should not leave/
divorce/ abandon/ repudiate her.
13* And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to be
dwelling with her, she should not leave/divorce/ abandon/repudiate him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is set apart for God by the wife, . . . . ; else your
children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
15 But if the unbelieving one separates/departs, he/she should separate/depart. A
brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such [cases], but God has called us in
peace.
16 For what do you know, O wife, whether you shall save [your] husband?
10* Â To those who are married my direction is-yet it is not mine, but the
Masterâs-that a woman is not to leave her husband
11 (If she has done so, let her remain as she is, or else be reconciled to her
husband) and also that a man is not to divorce his wife.
12* To all others I say-I, not the Master-If a Brother is married to a woman, who is
an unbeliever but willing to live with him, he should not divorce her;
13* And a woman who is married to a man, who is an
unbeliever but willing to live with her, should not divorce her husband.
14 For, through his wife, the husband who is an unbeliever has become associated
with Christâs People; and the wife who is an unbeliever has become associated
with Christâs People through our Brother whom she has married. Otherwise your
children would be âdefiled,â but, as it is, they belong to Christâs People.
15* However, if the unbeliever wishes to be separated, he should depart. Under
such circumstances neither the Brother nor the Sister is bound; God has called
you to live in peace. TCNT++
/// Is the believing husband still maritally bound to the unbelieving wife that he
deserted/abandonned/left/ disregarded/divorced even though she still wanted and wants
to be dwelling with him, even though she has not separated, divided asunder, parted,
put asunder, separated her self from [the believer], departed from [the believer]? Is
this a correct understanding of the following Scriptures?
***1Cor7:10* Â To those who are married my direction is-yet it is not mine,
but the Masterâs-that a woman is not to leave her husband 11 (If she has done
so, let her remain as she is, or else be reconciled to her husband) and also
------------
>>>that a man is not to divorce<863 aphiemi> his wife. TCNT
>>>that a husband is not to send away<863 aphiemi> his wife. WEY
[863 aphiemi = send away his wife, to bid his wife depart, divorce his wife,
send forth his wife, disregard his wife= he should not send away his wife,
bid his wife to depart, divorce his wife, send forth or disregard his wife.]
////So clearly the husband is not to divorce, send away his wife, bid his
wife depart, divorce his wife, send forth his wife, disregard his wife.
***1Cor7:12* To all others I say-I, not the Master-If a Brother is married to
a woman, who is an unbeliever but ---------
>>>willing to live with him,TCNT
>>>she consents to live with him,WEY
>>>*she* consent to dwell with him, DBY
>>>she consents to be dwelling<3611 oikeo> with him
-------- he should not divorce<863 aphiemi> her;
[863 aphiemi = send her away, to bid her depart, divorce her, send her forth,
disregard = he should not send her away, bid her to depart, divorce her, send
her forth or disregard her.]
///If he has sinned and disobeyed this command by divorcing her and disregarding her
and she still is consenting to live/dwell with him, isn't his confession (omolego
1Jn1:9) to agree with God that he has so sinned/disobeyed, and his repentance (Prov
28:13) in godly sorrow (2 Cor 7) to cease from the sin of divorcing/disregarding her,
and instead he should reconcile and reunite himself to her in their marriage?
***1 Cor 7: 15* However, if----------
the unbeliever wishes to be separated
the unbeliever is determined to leave
the unbeliever go away
the unbeliever separates, divides asunder, parts, puts asunder, separates
his/her self from [the believer], depart from [the believer], leaves
----------------------------------he/she should separate/leave).
[[[chorizo; v
1) to separate, divide, part, put asunder, to separate one's self from, to depart
1a) to leave a husband or wife
1a) of divorce
1b) to depart, go away
5744 Tense - Present See 5774 Continuing action in the present
Voice - Passive See 5786 The person acting upon herself
Mood - Imperative See 5794 A command to do something
En EspaÃol: 15* Pero si el infiel se aparta, apÃrtese:
Yielding: he/she should separate him/herself, divide asunder, part, put
asunder, separate his/her self from [the believer], depart from [the believer],
leave.]]]
-----------------------Under such circumstances neither the Brother nor the
Sister is bound; God has called you to live in peace. TCNT
///So in the case of the believer who has disobeyed the command to not
divorce/disregard his unbelieving wife, who is still consenting to dwell with him,
since it was he - the believer - who separated/parted/departed/left,
he is still "bound" maritally to her, the unbeliever who had not left or
separated/parted/departed/herself from him, the believer.
Believer With Abusive Mate
If you wish to respond to me directly, please Email me at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Because of
my job and family responsibilities I am no longer able to daily keep up with all the
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Passover Lamb, to cover our sins if we sincerely and genuinely call and depend on King
Jesus of Bethlehem ALONE to save us from our sins and present us covered with His
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