You Should Probably Get Offline If
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You name your children Eudora, Hyperlink and dotcom.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you
just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and
your child in the overhead compartment.
You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for
the free Internet access.
You laugh at people with 28.8-baud modems.
You start using smileys in your snail mail.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
processor.com
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are because
they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to ask.
You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
You tell the cab driver you live at
http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html