Re: Truly, madly, deeply (NJC)
>>Sorry, I did not mean to go into this, again I apologise but I don't have the time to explain or discuss it properly, so I'd better shut up. I just wanted to say: I was disappointed that Truly Madly Deeply did not give us a better way out than the hopping man. But if it works for you, hey that's fine! Lots of love to you all, Lieve. As the instigator of this discussion, I feel I should comment, although I know very little about real grieving, I admit. I love the film and I think it tries to take the viewpoint of the person who has died. If you died suddenly tomorrow of whatever cause, if you loved someone would you want them to be unhappy for the rest of their lives? No, if it were possible you would want to help them through it somehow, but maybe, selfishly would you hope that they settled for something slightly second best like the hopping man? Personally, I really like the caring hopper and would consider myself lucky not to have jumped into a far worse fire. Jacky
Re: Truly madly deeply njc
also thanks to Colin for his message yesterday about "how to deal with grief". That was not the intention of what i wrote. I justw rote my thoughts on grief. It certainly is not a recipe for anyone for dealing with grief. It si not my thing to tell people how they shoudl deal with anything. bw colin
Re: Truly madly deeply njc
Lucy, I was reading your post, thinking "this woman should be a writer", because your writing is so good, and then you wrote that you were - so I'm glad! I hope you DON'T get rejected. Do you have any of your material published, that we could read? I love that film What Dreams May Come too. Sarah From: "Lucy Hone" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Nearer the point (maybe) about how grief affects people is to be found in WHAT DREAMS MAY COME... I write poetry and short stories (am girding myself for rejection time again!!!..any one know an agent? ) and find the best flow of words is when either in love or bereft...
Re: Truly madly deeply njc
Hi Lieve thank you for the letter and I really do think you make a pretty valid point about the whole thing of T M D. Nearer the point (maybe) about how grief affects people is to be found in WHAT DREAMS MAY COME... Its a very wierd sort of film and makes the point in the end that they can all only be happy because they are all dead and living in a picture world! But it still does not deal with the "how you deal with it..." I do so totally understand the > "I'm sure most of us have gone through that more than once, >and there was a time when I really did not know how to let go - in fact, I >did not want to let go, because I felt that would be a betrayal of the love, >of everything I had felt before, and so like a true artist, I felt I kept >suffering for my art, for my pure raw emotions. I kept the wound fresh, >scratched off the scab, let it bleed for years... I now look back and >wonder why I allowed anything, anybody to take such a large part of my life >away. " Oh boy do I recognise that..I write poetry and short stories (am girding myself for rejection time again!!!..any one know an agent? ) and find the best flow of words is when either in love or bereft... How come my muse is absent except at times of emotional flux? NOW...if I could only find a muse as reliable as the Parking God. Have to go wine and a friend are calling Just finished playing "DONT FORGET ME" from By the way by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers Yess Light and life to all Lucy
Re: Truly madly deeply njc
In a message dated 1/15/2003 1:58:45 PM Eastern Standard Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: > but just like with London buses they > either don't turn up for ages, or they all turn up at once, or they are full > and refuse to let you on, or take you in the wrong > direction etc... Or worse...there's no driver on the top! :~) Bob
Re: Truly madly deeply njc
In a message dated 1/15/2003 1:58:45 PM Eastern Standard Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: > but just like with London buses they > either don't turn up for ages, or they all turn up at once, or they are full > and refuse to let you on, or take you in the wrong > direction etc... Or worse...there's no driver on the top! :~) Bob
Re: Truly madly deeply njc
Are you trying to make me cry? Well you did a good job of it! Kasey My sister died suddenly three years ago. She walked into the emergency room..and died two hours later. She was young, 47..fit..a marathon runner (ran and completed thirty in her life) the brightest star in my life!. Yes..loved Joni.( introduced me to Joni..took me to a concert back in 1976) Autopsy showed nothing.Getting on that plane and going to California was surreal. Why.. I thought, is the world going on? Why are people laughing? Why are fucking people laughing?!!! When I would see runners on the street sometimes I would have to turn and look away. It hurt too much! She loved running so much it was in her blood..her release..why can't she still be out there doing her thing? Why? SO yes..greif is a very personal thing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Bree > > >MSN 8: advanced junk mail protection and 2 months FREE* _ MSN 8 with e-mail virus protection service: 2 months FREE* http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virusGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com
Re: Truly madly deeply njc
What I wanted to see, was: how do you REALLY cope with grief? When it really keeps hurting without surprise solutions, when you don't have a deus ex machine hopping along? Grief is a very personal experience. You cannot "see" what grief is like on a film. My closest grief experience was on the death of my mother in May 2000. her death was unexpected as she was carried away by some unexpected recurrence of a medical problem (not cancer) and she died. she just died... 12 days start to finish and she was gone. Its like being in a glass tunnel. You are in there shouting and banging the walls that "hey! my mother, my poet, my artist, my wonderfully batty and very irritable mother has died.. Hey!" bang bang bang on the walls and all the time the world just goes on moving past you and you think you wont ever re-join the days of other beings. Its like being stuck in treacle and you just cannot move for the shock of it. "I walked a mile with gladness she chattered all the way but left me none the wiser for all she had to say I walked a mile with sorrow and ne'er a word said she But oh, the things I learned from her when sorrow walked with me" My sister died suddenly three years ago. She walked into the emergency room..and died two hours later. She was young, 47..fit..a marathon runner (ran and completed thirty in her life) the brightest star in my life!. Yes..loved Joni.( introduced me to Joni..took me to a concert back in 1976) Autopsy showed nothing.Getting on that plane and going to California was surreal. Why.. I thought, is the world going on? Why are people laughing? Why are fucking people laughing?!!! When I would see runners on the street sometimes I would have to turn and look away. It hurt too much! She loved running so much it was in her blood..her release..why can't she still be out there doing her thing? Why? SO yes..greif is a very personal thing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Bree MSN 8: advanced junk mail protection and 2 months FREE* _ MSN 8 with e-mail virus protection service: 2 months FREE* http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus
Re: Truly madly deeply njc
--- Lucy Hone <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Grief is a very personal experience. You cannot > "see" what grief is like > on a film. My closest grief experience was on the > death of my mother in > May 2000. her death was unexpected as she was > carried away by some > unexpected recurrence of a medical problem (not > cancer) and she died. > she just died... Oh my goodness, can I ever relate to this. Grief is so individual and so dependent on what else has gone on before and what's happening in the here and now. Sometimes it's overwhelmingly sad, other times it's happy in a bittersweet way. Either way, you probably want to cry. When someone, out of the blue, mentions something about the person you've lost, as your daughter's teacher did to you (without knowing the relationship), that's like a gift of grace, isn't it. It's almost like the one who's gone has sent you a message of hope. I lost my Mum about six (or is it 8) years ago, and my Dad almost three years to this day. Mum died of cancer and was ill for a long,long time; Dad died of a massive coronary without any warning - one minute alive and talking, the next minute down on the floor breathing out one last breath, with no apparent pain. Sometimes I remember little things, or I'm looking at old pictures of them and I don't know whether to be happy or sad, or just plain scared about being the older generation and possibly failing at it. = Catherine Toronto __ Post your free ad now! http://personals.yahoo.ca
RE: Truly Madly Deeply njc
Hi Sarah, yes I'm sure you're right that this is what the film meant to say,
but I feel it was made too easy!
I've been in that situation several times, and yes sometimes somebody hopped
conveniently onto my path to cheer me up, but sometimes they didn't, not for
a long time, or those who hopped were really irritating and irrelevant!
That's when I learned, at last, to not depend on those external rescuers, to
find the strength within myself - or if you like, within everything, all the
small things of life.
That's what I would have liked the film to deal with. Not that Juliet
should never find a new love, but he should not have been that conveniently
there. I would have liked to see her cope without him, or see him turn out
disappointing, weak, superficial after a while, so that she has to face the
comparison again, and still go on... you know, all those things that happen
in real life...
Lieve.
-Original Message-
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [SMTP:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
Sent: Tuesday, January 14, 2003 9:25 AM
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]; [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: Re: Truly Madly Deeply njc
Lieve, I suppose what the film's trying to say is that the 'nothing
compares' feeling is a mis-memory, and that eventually something
(e.g. the hopping man, who I think just represents the passage of
time) will make you realize that. And all you can do until then is
hang on and believe you'll get over it eventually. You don't learn
to be strong on your own. You just stop needing to be so strong.
Something like that. . . ;-)
Sarah
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
What I wanted to see, was: how do you REALLY cope with
grief? When it really keeps hurting without surprise solutions,
when you
don't have a deus ex machine hopping along? How do you learn to be
strong
ON YOUR OWN or just with some pretty average people around you to
give
pretty average support? How to snap yourself out of that "nothing
compares"
despair...
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Re: Truly Madly Deeply njc
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] What I wanted to see, was: how do you REALLY cope with grief? When it really keeps hurting without surprise solutions, when you don't have a deus ex machine hopping along? How do you learn to be strong ON YOUR OWN or just with some pretty average people around you to give pretty average support? How to snap yourself out of that "nothing compares" despair... You live thru greif(hopefully) and eventually it gets easier to handle. It's immediacy gradually lessens but it never goes away. it becomes a part of your fabric. Strength comes on it's own just virtue of each passing hour.Other people cannot do it for you. Good people around you just let you be. Maybe they will remind you that 'this too shall pass' but really they will just let you be and try to fix you. Or course it is possible tolet yourself get stuck in 'grief' by becomign dpressed or angry or obsessed rather then really feel the agony. Grief is not something one really gets over, one passes thru it and sometimes another is needed to pull one thru. Grief cannot be shaken off as if it never was. It shapes you, becomes a part of you. It informs your future. It often accentuates one's own compassion for others. Often it canlead to hatred too. Grief not dealt with and gone sour. bw colin
Re: Truly Madly Deeply njc
Lieve, I suppose what the film's trying to say is that the 'nothing compares' feeling is a mis-memory, and that eventually something (e.g. the hopping man, who I think just represents the passage of time) will make you realize that. And all you can do until then is hang on and believe you'll get over it eventually. You don't learn to be strong on your own. You just stop needing to be so strong. Something like that. . . ;-) Sarah From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] What I wanted to see, was: how do you REALLY cope with grief? When it really keeps hurting without surprise solutions, when you don't have a deus ex machine hopping along? How do you learn to be strong ON YOUR OWN or just with some pretty average people around you to give pretty average support? How to snap yourself out of that "nothing compares" despair...
Re: Truly, madly, deeply (NJC)
In a message dated 12/01/2003 06:15:54 GMT Standard Time Azeem writes: > Hmmm, not sure I'd rate it that highly Jacky, mainly for the hopping scene, > which I REALLY didn't like! Still, Juliet Stevenson and Alan Rickman are > always very watchable - and Juliet gives good cry, doesn't she?? > Hey Azeem, The hopping scene is one of my favourites! It's wonderful and always brings a smile to my face. I just love the Michael Maloney character for the way he lightens up the whole thing, but no accounting for taste, I guess. Jacky
Re: "Truly, madly, deeply" (NJC)
> Me now: Mark, I saw this movie when it first came out about ten years ago, and loved it. It hit very close to home for me as well, as I had been trying for some time to cope with a deep loss, although not one through death. My recollection is that the film had some very wise things to say about grieving, and about then (slowly) moving in a new direction, which I really needed to hear at the time. It did indeed, Mary. My friend Melanie had been urging me to see it for a long time. After nine years I guess I was *finally* ready. It also made me laugh! It did that for me too! > > I'm glad you discovered it. Thank you. I am glad to have finally seen it. > > You also wrote: > >I had to take a > break. We stopped the movie for a few minutes. It was too much." > > WHOAH. . . this is TOO SPOOKY!! ;-) It was VERY spooky! But it's not the first time I've experienced this type of 'coincidence'. > > Take care, Mark, > > Mary P. in Madison, WI > Thank you, Mary. It's always great to hear from you! Mark E in Seattle
Re: Truly, madly, deeply - njc
Jamie Zubairi wrote: > Yes, Truly Madly Deeply is one of my favourite films. Juliet Stevenson is a > fantastic actress as is Alan Rickman (you might see him in Harry Potter) and > Michael Maloney (with whom I have actually played football (soccer to you > American folk! ;-)) We just got 2 new cable channels, Oxygen and WE. They play movies like this all the time. They recently broadcast Little Voice and Cold Comfort Farm, 2 of my favorite "little" movies. Jerry np: Bernadette Peters - Faithless Love
