New Google Brain to Keep Golden Copy of Your Deepest Hopes, Fears, Secrets
Today Google introduced a new product, Google Brain.
Building on its popular Google Goggles, a headset that
records users' audiovisual sensory input and uploads it to
Google's servers, the Brain attachment will build and
transmit to Google a constantly-updated computer model of
the user's mind. Users will be able to access their brains
from any computer using their Google Account and a nifty
AJAX interface.
Storing your precious memories and deepest darkest secrets
in your own gray matter is an unnecessary inconvenience and
leaves users' minds vulnerable to disease, blunt objects,
and substance abuse, said Google spokesman Joe Orwellian.
But with Google holding a copy of your brain, you know it's
safe! And just imagine the customized user experience Google
will be able to offer when your every dream and nightmare is
being scanned by our ad-bots.
In response to privacy concerns voiced by EFF, Orwellian
replied: They just don't understand: sometimes you have to
give up a little privacy for convenience. Besides, the
copies of users' brains on Google servers will be encrypted
to prevent snooping. Asked if Google itself would have the
key and be able to decrypt brains at the request of law
enforcement or civil litigants, Orwellian responded, Well,
duh.
Don't forget to check zeitgeist.google.com to see what
Google Brain users are thinking about right now!
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