By Behrooz Rostampour The recession is over. The banks are healthy. Obama is progressive. Corporations are people. Your vote is counted. Giving trillions to Wall Street saved capitalism. The economic recovery is underway. Climate change is not yet understood. Health insurance reform equals health care. Mandating the purchase of private for-profit health insurance is textbook socialism. GM food is safe and healthy. GM seeds increase yields. Awarding a handful of companies the patent on all food will solve global hunger. The Patriot Act ensures your safety and protects your freedom. Hugo Chavez is a dictator. Ahmadinejad is a dictator. Dictators are not dictators when they open their markets to free trade and buy our treasuries. Our phones must be tapped without a warrant to keep us safe. Our emails must be tapped without a warrant to keep us safe. The government must be able to waterboard occasionally to keep us safe. We may need to be named enemy combatants in order to be safe. The president may need to order our execution, without due process, to keep us safe. Due process is how they make velveeta cheese. Habeas Corpus was only relevant in the 14th century. Tax cuts for billionaires stimulate the economy. Tax cuts for hedge funds and proprietary traders will create jobs. We must make the tax cuts permanent. Mortgages given to minorities were the cause of the housing bubble and collapse. Banks have paid back all their borrowed money. Mark to market accounting hid Bank of America?s prosperity. JP Morgan has no interest in keeping the price of silver low. The Free Market will lead to prosperity. The surge worked. Spending $300 billion to fight in Afghanistan, which has a GDP of $15 billion, is not evidence of war profiteering. We?re making steady progress in Afghanistan. A missile defense shield in former soviet republic countries protects them from non existent Iranian missiles. A missile defense shield in former soviet republic countries will not piss off Russia. Russia attacked South Ossetia. Iran has a nuclear weapons program. Iran has no right to a nuclear power program. The oil in the gulf is mostly gone. BP will stay until all the beaches are clean. The president of Honduras had planned a midnight pajama plane trip. Renewable energy is too expensive. Clean coal technology will power us for the next hundred years. Natural gas has no drawbacks plus you can drink it. Handing over public schools to hedge funds will improve education. Unions drag down all workers. There?s no light between Israel?s interests and ours. Building 7 may or may not have fallen and/or imploded and/or burned to the ground. The Pentagon has only one camera and five frames of film documenting the attack. The Pentagon does not need a full audit. The Federal Reserve does not need a full audit. An independent Federal Reserve is essential for price control and full employment. If QE 1 and QE 2 don?t revive the economy QE 3 and QE 4 most likely will. There?s no danger from the Fed increasing their balance sheet 250% in a couple years. The stock market is not manipulated by front-running high-speed computers. The banks are working to help save you from foreclosure. Austerity will liberate workers and reduce the national debt. Banks, hedge funds and bondholders must be repaid 100 cents on the dollar to ensure economic recovery. Social Security needs to be cut to rein in the deficit. Social security is broke when you discount the $2 trillion surplus and tens of millions of workers currently paying in. Medicare is despised by a majority of the country, humiliates senior citizens and may be taken over by the government. Getting IMF?ed is not going to be painful. The GAO has conclusively proven that single payer is the most costly health care delivery method by never providing an estimate. The media is controlled by liberals. A consolidated media is not a threat to democracy. The public airwaves do not need to be regulated. Handing the internet over to self-regulated telcos will assure neutrality. Assange is a terrorist. Assange is a rapist. Assange is a terrapist. Bradley Manning is a villain. Maintaining an ever growing empire and a flourishing democracy at home is very likely. Bloggers aren?t real journalists who use facts and reason to draw conclusions. Whoever controls the media controls the country. Period.
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