From: Lora <lorabutter...@btinternet.com> Date: 25 September 2009 21:04:39 BST To: Agnes Boddington <ag...@weatherwax.karoo.co.uk> Subject: Re: [lace-chat] Questions and Queries
On a Korean made kitchen knife: please keep out of small children On a massage chair : do not use massage chair without clothing...and never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving On a baby stroller: remove child before folding (although I must admit this does make sense, it would be rather difficult to fold a child while their in the stroller) On a carpenters electric drill: warning this product is not intended for use as a dental drill Do not drive while sunshield is in place : on a cardboard car sunshield Do not eat toner: on a laser printer cartridge May irritate eyes : on self defense pepper spray Some assembly required: on a 500 piece jigsaw Do not use soft wax as earplugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity : on a packet of birthday candles Do not use as a ladder :on a 12 inch cd rack Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher: on some maytag dishwashers Warning to touch these wires is instant death. anyone found doing so will be prosecuted : on an electric substation Caution Do not use near powerlines : on a toilet plunger Warning this product moves when used: on a childrens scooter Fits one head : hotel showercap Not dishwasher Safe : rca tv remote Do not use the silence feature in an emergency, it will not extinguish a fire : on a smoke detector Remember objects in the mirror are actually behind you : on a Driving rear view mirror This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark : komatsu floodlight Do not consume : home depo treated lumber Caution risk of fire: manufactured fireplace log Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows: air conditioner kills all kinds of insects, warning this product is harmfull to bees: can of insectiside Do not use as an icecream topping : on a hair colour kit May be harmfull if swallowed: on a case of hammers Instructions: put on food= on heinz ketchup Not meant as a substitute for human companionship: fishermens friend lozenges Warning! Do not attempt to swallow: on a mattress ........ AND .... the mother of all redundant warnings= If you do not understand or cannot read all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product :on a bottle of drain cleaner On 25 Sep 2009, at 20:22, Agnes Boddington <ag...@weatherwax.karoo.co.uk> wrote: Do you really want to know, AND FINALLY ..... HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED ABOUT LIFE? Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why you don't ever see the headline: 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Why 'abbreviated' is such a long word? Why Doctors call what they do 'practice'? Why you have to click on 'Start' to stop Windows 98? Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? Why the man who invests all your money is called a 'Broker'? Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food? Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved' flavour? Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box? Why sheep don't shrink when it rains? Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? Why they call the airport 'the terminal' if flying is so safe? AND... In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Myer hairdryer: 'Do not use while sleeping'. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Palmolive soap: 'Directions: Use like regular soap'. (And that would be how???) On some frozen dinners: 'Serving suggestion: Defrost' (But, it's just a suggestion). On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (Printed on bottom): 'Do not turn upside down'. (Well....duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: 'Product will be hot after heating'. (And you thought????...) On packaging for a K-Mart iron: 'Do not iron clothes on body'. (But wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication'. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: 'Warning: May cause drowsiness'. (And....I'm taking this because???) On most brands of Christmas lights: 'For indoor or outdoor use only'.. (As opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: 'Not to be used for the other use'. (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Nobby's peanuts: 'Warning: contains nuts'. (Talk about a news flash!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: 'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts'. (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly'. On a Swedish chainsaw: 'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals'. (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) To unsubscribe send email to majord...@arachne.com containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat y...@address.here. For help, write to arachnemodera...@yahoo.com. To unsubscribe send email to majord...@arachne.com containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat y...@address.here. For help, write to arachnemodera...@yahoo.com.
