The New ABC's

      A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,
      That used to be right, But now it won't float!
      Age  before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more
realistic
      instead!

      NOW:

      A is for arthritis,

      B is the bad back,

      C is the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?

      D is for dental decay and decline,

      E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!

      F is for fissures and fluid  retention,

      G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

      H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it be low;

      I for incisions with scars you can show.

      J  is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,

      K is for knees that crack when they bend.

      L for libido, what happened to sex?

      M is for memory, I forget what comes next

      N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

      O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

      P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, Just give me a pill and
         I'll be good as new!

      Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

      R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

      S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

      T for Tinnitus;  there's bells in my ears!

      U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;

      V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.

      W is for worry,  NOW what's going 'round?

      X is for X ray, and what might be found.

      Y is another year I'm left here behind,

      Z is for zest that I still have -- in my  mind.

      I've survived all the symptoms, my  body's deployed,
      And  I've kept 26 doctors fully employed!!!

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