You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a jet engine (JATO) unit to his car and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above >the road. AND NOW! The 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles - one of the few DARWIN winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment. * * * * * * * * Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard. One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He decided to fly. He went to the local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and several tanks of helium. The weather balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more than four feet across. Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground. Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches & a six- pack of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun--figuring he could pop a few balloons when it was time to descend-and went back to the floating lawn chair. He tied himself in along with his pellet gun & provisions. Larry's plan was to sever the anchor, lazily float to about 30 feet above his back yard, and in a few hours come back down. Things didn't quite work out that way. When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon. He didn't level off at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet. After climbing & climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At that height he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load & really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting, cold & frightened, for more than 14 hours. Then he really got in trouble. He found himself drifting into the primary approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport. A United pilot first spotted Larry. He radioed the tower & described passing a guy with a gun in a lawn chair. Radar confirmed the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport. LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert & a helicopter was dispatched to investigate. LAX is right on the ocean. Night was falling & the offshore breeze began to blow. It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot pursuit. Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry. Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larrry away whenever they neared. Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet above Larry & lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line & was hauled back to shore. The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew. As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace. As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, turned & replied nonchalantly: "A man can't just sit around." Let's hear it for Larry Waters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner! *------------------------------------------------------------------* * James Craven * " For those who have fought for it, * * Dept of Economics * freedom has a taste the protected * * Clark College * will never know." * * 1800 E. McLoughlin Blvd. * Otto von Bismark * * Vancouver, Wa. 98663 * * * (360) 992-2283 * * * [EMAIL PROTECTED] * * * MY EMPLOYER HAS NO ASSOCIATION WITH MY PRIVATE/PROTECTED OPINION *