You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the
person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda
out of it.
In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a jet engine
(JATO) unit to his car and crashed into a cliff several hundred
feet above >the
road.
AND NOW!
The 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles - one of the few DARWIN
winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment.
* * * * * * * *
Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school
he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately,
poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he
had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.
One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He decided to fly. He went to
the local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons
and several tanks of helium. The weather balloons, when fully
inflated, would measure more than four feet across. Back home, Larry
securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair. He anchored
the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the balloons with
the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was still only a few
feet above the ground.
Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches & a six- pack of
Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun--figuring he could pop a few
balloons when it was time to descend-and went back to the floating
lawn chair. He tied himself in along with his pellet gun &
provisions. Larry's plan was to sever the anchor, lazily float to
about 30 feet above his back yard, and in a few hours come back
down.
Things didn't quite work out that way. When he cut the cord anchoring the
lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't float lazily up to 30 or so feet.
Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon.
He didn't level off at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet. After
climbing & climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At that height
he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the
load & really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting,
cold & frightened, for more than 14 hours.
Then he really got in trouble. He found himself drifting into the primary
approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport. A United
pilot first spotted Larry. He radioed the tower & described passing a
guy with a gun in a lawn chair. Radar confirmed the existence of an
object floating 11,000 feet above the airport. LAX emergency
procedures swung into full alert & a helicopter was dispatched to
investigate.
LAX is right on the ocean. Night was falling & the offshore breeze began
to blow. It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot
pursuit. Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry.
Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they
attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the blades
would push Larrry away whenever they neared.
Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet above
Larry & lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line & was hauled
back to shore. The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed by the
helicopter crew. As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was
arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace.
As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the
daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, turned &
replied nonchalantly: "A man can't just sit around."
Let's hear it for Larry Waters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner!
*------------------------------------------------------------------*
* James Craven * " For those who have fought for it, *
* Dept of Economics * freedom has a taste the protected *
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