"There are many different sides to me, and my life consisted of phases which differed markedly from each other... I always moved about in the light and supple way. I could walk easily and quickly until I was 70. I could do everything fast and I organised my life in such a way, that everything was within reach so that I did not have to search even for a second. i never had to ask myself: where is my writing paper ? That letter ? That book ? Even when waking up, I found a method to dress and groom myself as quickly as possible. I needed ten to fifteen minutes for something that other women often take one or two hours over. I did not hurry, but I calculated my movements, and thus I could do a large amount in one day. You have to be able to do everything; life is brief, and so you have to get a move on to achieve all the tasks which you had set yourself, and to feel the multifarious riches of being alive. (...) From my earliest youth, I divided up my day according to plan in order to be able to get everything done. I always liked gregariousness and fun, games, dancing and walking, but not doing nothing. I could not stand malicious talk, gossip and facile judgements about people and I still can't. My judgement about people and facts I form independently. I do not like preaching and echoing the ideas of others. You have to develop your own ideas and judgements. Characteristics which I find repugnant are: insulting and humiliating human dignity; injustice and cruelty; vanity; phariseeism and hypocrisy; untrustworthyness; lack of discipline. Characteristics which I value are: an attitude of goodwill towards people; doing something for others beyond doing something for yourself; moral courage; selfcontrol; discipline; an attitude of curiosity and paying attention; love for life, for nature, for animals; order and purposiveness in life and work; always learning from experience. Goodwill is a typical characteristic of mine. I maintain a friendly attitude towards everyone who is not an enemy, but I hate tyrants and people who perpetrate injustice. Friendship and love played a large role in my life. But envy amd jalousy didn't. Through goodwill for the other, I could conquer jealousy. I found vanity repulsive. I always demanded a lot from myself. I believed in my own ability without overestimating myself. I wanted to be happy and cheery and that is why I did not want poverty around me, that people were tyrannised by the Czar or by Capital, that injustices were committed against women... if somebody disappointed me, I could erase him or her from my heart and memory without trace... I am always very thankful and feel gratitude for the help given to me. I loved writing, and now I am 78, I still love it. I don't consider myself espcially talented, rather a very average writer. I have a good clear style, but my character descriptions are a bit weak. I am better able to portray people in a sketchy way... I had a lust for life, and was full of curiosity about life. I wanted to be happy. But to reach happiness you have to reduce the suffering of the working classes, and champion justice and fairness. Whether I had to complete a large, expansive task or just had a little job to do, I always dedicated myself to the task, and I nearly always accomplished my goal. I did not operate haphazardly; whatever I tackled, I worked methodically, according to plan. I enjoyed large, difficult tasks, but I never neglected details. I always worked steadily and patiently."
-Alexandra Kollontai, fragment from her 1946-1951 diaries (see Komsomol'skaya Pravda, 29 July 1972), CPA IML archive, Institute of Marxism-Leninism, Moscow. Translated from Alexandra Kollontaj, De nieuwe vrouw en andere teksten (Amsterdam: Pegasus, 1981), pp. 123-125.
