©¿©<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->©¿© and ©¿©<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->©¿© presents
<---------------------PHWeekly Joke Ezine!---------------------> <-------The Little Sister Of Purehumour Joke Ezine------> PHWeekly (aka Purehumour Weekly) is now residing at the home of Paul's Fun House (http://www.paulsfunhouse.com) PHWeekly features the BEST Adult humour on the net...in the unlikely event that you no long wish to be a subscriber... please see the bottom of this mailing to unsubscribe. *please note...all replies to this ezine are discarded without being read...for contact info...please see the bottom of this mailing also. This fall on ABC a brand new sitcom will hit the airwaves called "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter" starring John Ritter (of Three's Company fame). So what you say... every year there are new sitcoms and every year most of them fail....I know that too...but for me this one is a little different...the sitcom is based on a book by Bruce Cameron... and Bruce and I just happen to belong to a mailing list together...so I can honestly say this is the first time that I have ever known someone involved in network TV...I hope that when the show airs in your area that you will give it a look...and maybe pick up a copy of his book too...and tell him that Paul told you to...maybe I can make some sort of commission from him! ;) Happy Memorial Day Weekend to all of those who live South of me...this makes for the best weekend of the year...yes tomorrow I can vegetate in front of the TV for about 10 hours straight watching the day's auto racing! Indy 500 followed by the Coca Cola 600...what a day...just have to hope for good weather down south! Today's issue includes contributions by: Keli, Rubin, SunAmy, Stan, Barb, Di Ann, Anni, Ishy, Marina, John. If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a> ©¿©-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------©¿© Lets start with a quickie: What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl? A cock that stays up all night. ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© A Little head?? <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.146 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.146 Condom's Future... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.158 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.158 ©¿©------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------©¿© Today's issue is brought to you by: The MOST UNIQUE CONTEST IN THE WORLD! Open to residents of the USA and Canada... ******* WIN FREE TOILET PAPER ******* YES you can WIN Free Toilet Paper...get a 24 roll pack of toilet paper right to your door when you WIN the most unique contest in the world! FREE and SIMPLE to enter...check out the link below: <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/25.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/25.html ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© The Pope was finishing his sermon. He finished with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Hominous" - Blessed be mankind. A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They commented that the Pope blessed all mankind, but not womankind. So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Hominous et tuti Feminous" - Blessed be mankind and womankind. The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed mankind and womankind, and asked if he could also bless 'gay' people. The Pope said, 'Yes.' The next day, he concluded his sermon with "Tuti Homenous et Tuti Feminous et Tuti Fruity." ©¿©--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------©¿© LIKE MY LIST? Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend? Vote Now : <a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a> ©¿©------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------©¿© Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day! <a href="http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php";>Click</a> http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?" Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll figure it out." "OK," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, ' Take fifty cents worth of ground beef '..." ©¿©----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL--------------------©¿© 12 steps to freedom! Check it out <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">Poll</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ©¿©-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------©¿© "All pop music is about sex. Rock is about wanting to do it, jazz is about doing it, and country and western is about feeling guilty after you've done it." -Robert Waldo Brunelle, Jr. ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© An interstellar message... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.170 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.170 That wasn't a fart... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.182 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.182 ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© Top 10 a.k.a.'s for high-tech outlaws (From CNET): 1. Son of SIMM: His random acts of murder (RAM) are some of the most shocking in recent memory. Hates his motherboard. 2. Billy the CAD: Fastest drawing program in the West. 3. Pretty eBay Floyd: Modern-day Robin Hood auctions faux antiques to the rich and donates the spoils to failing dot-coms. 4. Bugsy C++-gul: A good coder gone bad. 5. Ted Bondi Blue: Set out to write a virus to attack Power Macs and iMacs but switched to PCs when he discovered VBScript. 6. James URL Ray: Assassinated the leader of the 32-bit color coalition. 7. Hack the Ripper: Brutally rips MP3s and burns them to CDs. Displays total disregard for copyright laws. 8. SCSI Borden: Gave her mother 40 Macs. 9. John Dellinger: Escaped from prison brandishing a Latitude carved from soap. 10. John WAN Gacy: Your child's worst nightmare: A network administrator, a basement, and a clown suit. ©¿©-------------------------A DOG'S WORLD------------------------©¿© A Dog's World is a continuing story that will appear in each issue...miss a segment?...then check out the archives at: http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj [Will return next issue!] Copyright 2001-02 D. Scott Check out more at: http://www.humorcorner.com ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© Julia Roberts Before & After The Buffet <a href=" http://www.comedyezine.com/vero8.htm ">Click</a> http://www.comedyezine.com/vero8.htm Catherine Zeta Jones Before & After The Buffet <a href=" http://www.comedyezine.com/vero9.htm ">Click</a> http://www.comedyezine.com/vero9.htm Elizabeth Hurly Before & After The Buffet <a href=" http://www.comedyezine.com/vero7.htm ">Click</a> http://www.comedyezine.com/vero7.htm Jennifer Love Hewitt Before & After The Buffet <a href=" http://www.comedyezine.com/vero6.htm ">Click</a> http://www.comedyezine.com/vero6.htm You Don't Have A Clue <a href=" http://www.comedyezine.com/vero10.htm ">Click</a> http://www.comedyezine.com/vero10.htm Two Things You Should Never Do In The Bedroom <a href=" http://roseys.net/jillsprog5.htm ">Click</a> http://roseys.net/jillsprog5.htm My Hairdresser Was Upset Today <a href=" http://roseys.net/jillsprog6.htm ">Click</a> http://roseys.net/jillsprog6.htm Lower Lower Mr Mower <a href=" http://roseys.net/jillsprog4.htm ">Click</a> http://roseys.net/jillsprog4.htm Its Not What It Seems <a href=" http://roseys.net/jillsprog3.htm ">Click</a> http://roseys.net/jillsprog3.htm Chick In A Bikini <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/12.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/12.html A Bra Invented By A Man <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/13.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/13.html One Tequila Two Tequila <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/14.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/14.html ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© This guy was driving the back roads of Arkansas late one night. He hadn't had much sleep and should not have been driving. He started to doze off but caught himself just in time to see two Yankees in the road. He slammed on the brakes but to no avail. He hit both of them. One went through the windshield and landed in the back seat and the other bounced off the grill and landed in a field 100 feet away. In a panic he called the Arkansas State Police on his cell phone for help. When the State Trooper arrived the guy explained, "Oh my God, officer I'm so sorry I was too tired to be driving and I killed these guys. I can't go to jail, I've got a wife and three kids. What am I going to do?" The trooper looked at him and in that wonderful Southern drawl said, "Boy, don't you fret one bit. We'll get that Yankee in the back seat of your car for attempted car-jacking and we'll get the one in the field for leaving the scene of an accident." ©¿©--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------©¿© Put your brand on everyone's desktop...See You Again software gives you the ability to get your logo right up in front of the people you need...bringing them back over and over again to YOUR site! Get a jump on the competition...See You Again! <a href="http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/23.html";>Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/23.html ©¿©------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------©¿© If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out "Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family laugh." <a href="http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm";>Click</a> http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© A white and a black man were sent to hell for sinful lives. When they got there, they stood in front of the devil and awaited punishment. The white man came forward first. The devil told him to drop his pants and he did. Then the devil grabbed hold of his penis and it slowly and painfully melted away. With the white man laying on the ground in pain, the black man stepped forward. The devil told him to drop his pants and with a smirk on his face he did. Then the devil grabbed hold of his penis and nothing happened. The bewildered devil asked the man what was so funny and the black man replied, "This kind of chocolate melts in your mouth not in your hand. ©¿©--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------©¿© While playing a poker game, if you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is - it's you. ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© [Now if only it were this simple!] An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a 3-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!" ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© Happy birthday Fart... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.194 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.194 Showing some crack! <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.210 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.210 ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© Sammy asks his mother "what does fornication mean?" Mother says, "ask your father." Sammy asks his father, "what's does fornication mean?" Father says, "Go ask your grandma." Sammy asks grandma "what's the meaning of fornication?" Grandma says "Sammy, come into my bedroom." They go into bedroom, she opens the closet and says "See these two dresses? One is for everyday, the other is fornication." ©¿©--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------©¿© While working for the U.S. Census, I approached one home where I was greeted by two children. I introduced myself, explained that I was a census taker and asked to see an adult. The older child ran to the door and shouted for the woman of the house. She hollered back, "Who is it?" The youngster yelled, "It's the senseless undertaker." ©¿©------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------©¿© How Burgers Are Made <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/15.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/15.html She Cant Cook <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/16.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/16.html A Womans Choices <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/21.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/21.html Pass The Word <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/17.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/17.html Coke For Guys <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/18.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/18.html Chick With A Cute Pussy <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/19.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/19.html Bin Laden Dart Board <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/20.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/20.html Terrorist In Disguiuse <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/11.htm ">Click</a> http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/11.htm Eat Out <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/12.htm ">Click</a> http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/12.htm Alarm Clock For Guys <a href=" http://jokeworm.com/funlink1.html ">Click</a> http://jokeworm.com/funlink1.html Encyclopedia For Sale <a href=" http://jokeworm.com/funlink2.html ">Click</a> http://jokeworm.com/funlink2.html Dieting To Extreme <a href=" http://jokeworm.com/funlink3.html ">Click</a> http://jokeworm.com/funlink3.html ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© There are even some things that really bother dogs, but not having the ability to speak (not to mention not having opposing thumbs) really hampers disclosing these facts to humans. In my great caninical wisdom, I have done some research and have now developed a list with which to convey these doggy pet peeves. 1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your farts on me... not funny. 3. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!! 4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat?) 5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway? 6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it. 7. Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet? 8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet. 9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous. 10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed my fur? 11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home. 12. When you insist on picking up the piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me? 13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back there. 14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain. 15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? ©¿©--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------©¿© Get your condoms here! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/5.html ">Click</a> ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© <A Classic!> Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters. The Brunette said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes." The redhead said "Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks." The Blonde said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!" ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© When things are rough... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.250 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.250 Enlarge that sucker... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.262 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.262 ©¿©-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------©¿© A court has ruled a prisoner does not have the right to create a baby by post. William Gerber is serving a 111-year sentence in a California prison. He wanted to send his semen to his wife to inseminate herself. But the federal appeals court in San Francisco ruled prisoners do not have an automatic right to father children. Gerber was jailed for a firearms offence, making terrorist threats and using illegal drugs, reports the San Francisco Chronicle. The 42-year-old, who is in Ironwood Prison in Riverside County, wanted to send his semen through the overnight post to wife Evelyn, 46. Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains a previously published News Report. If you find an article that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of the publication and date to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a> IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of Weird News Weekly: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a> ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© Keli and Anni were on the field, harvesting some carrots for lunch. Keli pulls out of the ground a giant carrot, at least 17 inches long, very thick, earth flowing down from it's many secondary roots. "See, Anni, this carrot's exactly like my man's dick!" "My oh my, Keli, is Greg's dick THAT big?" "No, Anni, but sure is THAT dirty!!!" ©¿©-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------©¿© [||||] F I N A L A N S W E R [||||] After three years of tube dominance and profits exceeding a billion clams, the Reege hosted "Millionaire" has been axed by ABC. (NY Times) But not to despair. With greed out of the way, the net has six more deadly sins to exploit. Copyright © 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved. http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© A friend and I were standing inside a building of a local theme park. We were looking outside, and it was an extremely windy day. The area's custodian, the one who had the job of sweeping up debris, was a very small woman (4'10", 90lbs) and she was having a rough time trying to not be blown away. My friend joked with the lady, telling her that she would have to put heavy rocks in her shoes when she went outside to work. The lady looked at my friend and lisped, "You mean, now I weigh me down to sweep?" ©¿©--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------©¿© HE'S SO CUTE !!! Get your own interactive DeskMate for FREE <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/13.html";>Click Here </a> !! FREE !! DOWNLOAD NOW !! FREE !! Tahni. The world's cutest digital Supermodel! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/14.html "> Click Here </a> ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© One Cold penguin... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.218 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.218 Bondage Fun <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.242 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.242 ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© Three convicts, an Italian, a Jew, and a Polack were on their way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, the Jew turned to the Italian and said, "So, what did you bring?" The Italian pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail". The Italian then asked the Jew, "What did you Bring?" The Jew pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin and any number of games." The Polack was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?" The Polack pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating..." ©¿©---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------©¿© What's the difference between a tampon and a cowboy hat? Cowboy hats are for assholes. ©¿©--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------©¿© [Erik's column appears each Tuesday in Purehumour....are you subscribed to Purehumour? NO??????? Check it out at: http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ] This Week's Laughing Stalk by Erik Deckers But I'm Still the World's Strongest Humorist I've been writing humor columns for over five years, and I've met, corresponded with, and even become friends with other humor columnists around the world. Some of them are extremely successful, some became successful while I've known them, and some are just beginning their writing careers. I've even helped a few aspiring writers get published for the first time. We've traded laughs, tips, and ideas over the years. I've co-written a column with Jennifer Layton of J Street fame, traded name placement in columns with Joe Lavin, and critiqued pieces for a number of different writers. I've met Garrison Keillor of Public Radio International's "A Prairie Home Companion" on two different occasions, I have an autographed photo of Dave Barry on my office wall, and I am in the same humor writers group as Bruce Cameron, author of "Eight Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter" which made the New York Times Bestseller's List. I hate them all. Okay, maybe hate is too strong a word. How about despise, detest, or loathe. Don't get me wrong. They're all wonderful people, and I even consider a couple of the non-famous ones my online friends. But I would think much more favorably about all of them if they weren't humorists. But how can this be a problem, I ask myself? Garrison Keillor is a kind man who offered me some advice in the early stages of my writing career ("Write about current events," he told me). Dave Barry sent me his autographed photo after I asked him to join another humor writers group. Jennifer Layton and I email each other on a regular basis, and I've corresponded with Bruce Cameron on a number of occasions. He even politely declined an invitation to join a humor website I was creating. Even with all these good feelings running rampant throughout the humor community, do you think I'm alone in my professional envy of other humor writers? Hell no. We all hate each other. It's true: every humor writer everywhere hates every other humor writer. Oh sure, we all admire each others' creativity and talent, and publicly state how much we love each other's work. But beneath the surface, every humor writer is dripping with envy. It oozes out of our pores. Despite all our well-wishes to our fellow humorists, we secretly despise each other. We're tired of hearing about everyone's book deals, book tours, and requests to write screenplays. I've even heard a rumor (which I started) that one humor writer is even being interviewed personally by Disney chairman Michael Eisner to be his office coffee table. We want these successes to be our own, and we hate each other for getting what we think should be rightfully ours. So late at night, when we're alone, our jealousy bubbles to the surface, and we're consumed by our loathing. We draw grotesque pictures of our competition being eaten alive by weasels. We whine and cry at our computers, "Why him? Why not me?!" At least the others do. I'm not so melodramatic. I just sign them up for subscriptions to book clubs and porn magazines. Why do we do it? Why do we look at our fellow humorists as competition rather than teammates and friends? Why can't we be truly happy for them? Because we're all afraid everyone else is funnier than us. All of us. Even the top professionals suffer from a deep-seated envy of other humor writers. Even though they're friends, Garrison Keillor grinds his teeth, cries out "I'm not making this up!" in his sleep, and dreams of the day he can dunk Dave Barry in a vat of boiling oil. And Dave Barry weeps nightly as he delivers "the news from Lake Okeechobee" on a second-hand karaoke machine, and throws darts at Keillor's publicity photos, while he downs slug after slug of homemade beer. It doesn't matter who supports us, tells us we're great, or that we're funnier than anyone else they've ever read. In addition to envy, we're all have self-esteem issues that makes us believe the only people who find us funny are the people who are supposed to: our parents, spouses, and close friends. In the past, I've been compared to Dave Barry and Lewis Grizzard, as in "Gee, you're much bigger than Dave Barry is," or "Wow, you're not quite as dead as Lewis Grizzard." Some people have even gone so far as to say they like me better than Dave Barry. And these are always great to hear. My head swells as big as Rhode Island when someone says my name on the same day they mention Dave Barry, let alone making a direct comparison to him. Trust me, any comparisons to Dave Barry and Lewis Grizzard are like gold to any humor writer, and they're always vastly appreciated, because we need our egos stroked constantly. But there's a part of us that always thinks "This person must have forgotten his insanity medication. There's no way I'm as funny as those guys." We humor writers are a neurotic lot, because we worry about everything. We make jokes about anything, but worry that we make them about the wrong thing. We try to push the envelope on what's funny, but worry that we'll offend and insult our readers. We love comparisons to "the Big Boys" -- oh man, do we love comparisons to the Big Boys! -- but worry that we'll forever be in their shadows. But don't cry for us. This is the path we've chosen: making other people laugh in the face of adversity, for little or no pay. So if you ever meet a humor writer, just pat him or her on the shoulder, give a knowing nod, and say, "I understand how you feel, and I appreciate what you do." And slip him 20 bucks, you big cheapskate! It's not like we get rich doing this! -- Erik Deckers is in sales and marketing by day, but at night he dons a cape and mask and. . . well, he doesn't fight crime so much as he just runs around his house making kung fu noises. He is shy, and doesn't want people to make fun of him. At other times, he writes a weekly humor column, which can be found at http://www.kconline.com/deckers. Your article length submissions are welcome...send your humourous submissions of between 300 and 500 words to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Editorials</a> Editorial comments expressed here are copyright the writer and may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the writer and also the editor of Purehumour. ©¿©----------------------------XXX SITES TO VISIT---------------------------©¿© The following are XXX sites...if you click them...you will see material that could offend you...pure and simple! If you don't wish to see such material...then DON'T click them! This is your only warning! 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