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Additional Article Information: =============================== 983 Words; formatted to 65 Characters per Line Distribution Date and Time: Thu Apr 27 23:40:52 EDT 2006 Written By: Bruce Elkin Copyright: 2006 Contact Email: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Article URL: http://thePhantomWriters.com/free_content/d/e/saying-yes-to-life.shtml Bruce Elkin's Picture URL: http://www.bruceelkin.com/images/bruceelkin.jpg For more free-reprint articles by this Author, please visit: http://thePhantomWriters.com/free_content/d/index.shtml#Bruce_Elkin --------------------------------------------------------------------- Saying "Yes" to Life Copyright © 2006 Bruce Elkin http://www.BruceElkin.com Do you ever gripe and complain about life? About what happens to you, or what you have or do not have? I used to, a lot. I hoped complaining would make things better. But it didn't. In spite of my tendency to whine, I was a doer. I did not like teaching public school. So I left and created programs for environmental education and wilderness leadership. I started to write. I set up my own business. Although I liked what I did and was good at it, it was difficult. It drained me. I felt like I was climbing a mountain with an extra 50 pounds of rocks in my pack. I had to force myself to take action. Along the way, I moaned and groaned. I thought, "Life should not be so hard." I worried about burning out. Or worse. A New Approach One day, I met an old friend, who had created a truly successful life. John had been a top architect, but fought a trend to bland, "money-driven design." In spite of awards, he left his profession, its politics, and a sprawling city. He designed and built a house in a beautiful rural valley, and rebuilt his life as an artist, teacher, and family man. When we talked, John had a wonderful long-lasting marriage, and two great, self-sufficient children. His paintings had changed from pretty but commonplace nature scenes to vibrant, life-filled paintings of people doing things they loved. I asked him why he thought things had worked out so well. "It was difficult at first," he said. "But it all got a lot easier when I started saying 'Yes' to whatever came along." "What do you mean?" I asked. "Instead of worrying about every decision," he said, "if an opportunity popped up, I took a look. I tried it out. In spite of fears or doubts, I said, 'Yes,' and went for it. It was great. I felt I was living without regrets. "But," he added, "there was a downside. Saying 'yes' to everything can be hectic. I often had a lot going on. Too much, sometimes. I had to learn to say 'yes' to the most important things to make space for them to grow. "I learned to let go of less important things. I discovered letting go is part of saying 'yes' to change and endings. When I started saying 'yes' in that way, it all started to flow. I didn't have to force decisions or actions; results seemed to come naturally. I took life as it came. I relaxed, finally at ease with change." I came away from my chat with John inspired but confused. Although I was making progress in my own life, things did not flow for me. I had to force myself to make decisions, and take action. I tried to wrestle into being the things I wanted. The 50 pounds of rocks still took its toll. The Word in Our Heart After pondering John's words for a while, I finally grasped the wisdom in something I had read, but not fully understood. "Each of us carries a word in our heart," wrote positive psychologist Martin Seligman in his book Learned Optimism, "a 'no' or a 'yes'." What, I wondered, was my word? As I thought about it, I realized, although I focused on creating positive results, the dominant word in my heart was still "no." In my attempt to better myself, and my world, I focused mostly on problems. I wasted precious energy trying to get rid of things I did not like and did not want. Although I knew "creating" usually generated better and long- lasting results than problem-solving, I still saw my creations as solutions to problems, rather than things I loved and wanted to bring into being. Trying to force creations into being, I used willpower manipulation. I tried overpowering the forces in play with my will. That worked sometimes, but it was draining! Worse, the results rarely lasted. I also used conflict manipulation. Feeling sorry for myself because creating did not come as easy as I thought it should, I whine and complained. Doing so not only drained me; it irritated others, and often led to conflict. I wasn't like that all the time. I got things done. I took the lead in creating a mountaineering school. I developed leadership programs, wrote articles, gave speeches, and started coaching others. However, after chatting with John, I realized "Yes" was not yet the primary word in my heart. When I made it so, things changed dramatically. Saying "Yes" to Whatever Life Gives You I gradually let go of my need to solve problems. Instead, I focused on creating what I truly wanted in my life and world. I stopped imposing my will on others, the world, and myself. I began to do as the poet Rumi suggests; I let myself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what I really loved. Suddenly, life got a lot easier. It was as if someone removed that 50 pounds of rocks from of my pack. My legs felt stronger, my step lighter. I felt as if I was striding relaxed and easily up the mountain of my life. Yes, I still had problems. I still faced obstacles and adversity, but I accepted them instead of fighting against them. I embraced difficulties as "givens," raw material out of which to create what mattered to me. I learned from adversity, and rose above it. I started saying "yes" to whatever came along. It was a great day when I realized I could create success and happiness with whatever life gave me. I reinvented my business to reflect my new insights. I interacted better with clients. My writing became easier and more effective. And, in no time, I began to feel the flow John had talked about. My life, I realized, was very good. Yes! --------------------------------------------------------------------- Bruce Elkin is a 20-year life coach. He works with high potential people who are stuck, stalled, or drifting. He can help you create what mattersin spite of problems or obstacles. * Read how in his new ebook Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods and Create What Matters MostWith Whatever Life Gives You! at: http://www.BruceElkin.com --- END ARTICLE --- ..................................... 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