C o n v e r s a t i o n P i e c e
by Richard Christian Matheson
WHEN MY EDITOR first handed me the
assignment, I said I wouldn't take it. Things
like that had always turned my stomach. But I
hadn't turned out a decent article in months and I agreed
to it.
I had expected the worst of grotesqueries
when I pulled my car in front of the house. Finally after
sitting for minutes, trying to fight the impulse to drive
away, I went in.
The two of us sat in a small den and I was
given coffee by the man's wife. As I sipped at the
mug I turned on the tape recorder and began the interview.
Q. When did you first take a job offer?
A. After I graduated from college. I caught wind of the
need from one of my professors.
Q. You received your degree in physical sciences, didn't you?
A. No. Anatomy. I was good at it. All it took was memorization.
Q. So, you spoke to one of your professors and he mentioned the
need for volunteers. What did he say?
A. Not much. Only that the graduate medical studies program
was doing a project and would I like to make some money.
Q. I would imagine that aspect of it sounded very appealing.
A. Extremely.
Q. Did they interview you? I mean I assume they had to be
somewhat selective.
A. Oh, sure. Mainly they check for physical health. In the
majority of their experiments they're checking for the impact
of viral introduction upon healthy tissue.
Q. I understand. And you checked out?
A. Perfectly. Which is amazing. Between the hours I was
keeping and the lousy food I was eating you'd think I would
have been anemic or something.
Q. You must have a strong constitution.
A. Guess so. Damned if I can figure it.
Q. So what was your first assignment?
A. It's been a long time but I can still remember it.
Q. How many years back was that?
A. Nineteen.
Q. You look younger than that.
A. (*Laughs*) Thank you.
Q. You were saying . . .
A. Well, what they wanted from me was just a little
blood. They were doing leukemia research. So I gave a
couple pints and they made out a check.
Q. What'd they pay you?
A. I don't even remember. Back in those days it wasn't
much, of course. But I do remember cashing that first
check and taking my girl out.
Q. Did it bother this girl? The way you were making your
money?
A. Not at first.
Q. I don't understand that answer.
A. Well, for the first year it was pretty innocent. You
know, blood, sleep deprivation, alcohol studies. Temporary
stuff.
Q. That changed?
A. *Absolutely.*
Q. How soon after you'd started?
A. The third year.
Q. Why then?
A. This girl I mentioned, she wanted to get married. That's
what started the problem.
Q. How so?
A. Well, her folks didn't approve of me, so I had to pick up
the tab for everything.
Q. What did you do?
A. Well, I was stuck. So I went to this clinic and let a doctor
take a skin biopsy from underneath my chin. I only got paid
fifty dollars but it paid for the minister and it got my foot
in the door.
Q. Got your foot in the door?
A. Sure. This doctor, he spread the word that I was available
and that I was good.
Q. What determines how good you are?
A. Well, like we were saying before, health counts for
everything. But after that, attitude is what separates the
fringe elements from the professionals.
Q. What is different about your attitude?
A. Well, I try and get involved in the experiment. Some guys,
they just come in and do what they're told without putting
out any effort. To me, the experiment is something to be
taken seriously. Believe me, that outlook was appreciated
and it got me a lot of work.
Q. What did you do after the wedding? Did you continue to
use your body to make money?
A. I tried not to. I tried different jobs. I worked as a printer's
assistant, as a librarian, a liquor store delivery boy. But none
of them really appealed to me. I never liked work much. Maybe
that's why selling parts of my body was so easy for me. There
was no work involved.
Q. Just pain?
A. A little. I learned to accept it.
Q. It seems that would have discouraged you.
A. In some odd way it seemed to add to it. As if I needed
punishment for my laziness. Or maybe for my lack of
happiness with my wife.
Q. There were marital problems?
A. There seemed no end to them. We argued constantly.
She hated my work.
Q. You told her about it?
A. No, but she caught on. It showed. I couldn't very well
hide the scars and stitches. My body betrayed me.
Q. What was her reaction?
A. She was disgusted. Revolted by my gradual deterioration.
Yet she admitted we needed the money.
Q. (*Checking notes*) I read here that you were nearly
divorced. What happened? Was there a breaking point?
A. Yes. It's funny, she could allow herself to deal with my
selling certain parts of my body but other parts not. To sell
a vial of my bone marrow was tolerable. To let them buy a
lung or a finger or an ear was tolerable. But when we were
expecting a child, we needed money again, and I sold my hands.
Q. What in particular about that transaction bothered her?
A. I couldn't hug her, she said. She said that the stumps of
my arms on her back, with only the cauterized wrists
touching her, gave her nightmares. But our baby had the best.
I did whatever I had to. I was taking care of my family. What
man wouldn't do the same?
Q. After you had your hands taken off, did she leave you?
A. Mentally, yes. She wouldn't have much to do with me. We
slept in separate beds, practically didn't talk. Occasionally
she'd hand me my baby daughter and expect me to rock her. I
loved that. I'd rock her to sleep in my arms. I really felt like
a father.
Q. I guess every parent reacts that way.
A. I'm sure. But it didn't last long. The baby got sick and
needed special medicine. I had to go to work again. I had to
sell my arms and some fluid from my nervous system. I made
a lot that time.
Q. (*Waiting for a moment*) You were going to talk about
the marriage.
A. Yes. I got off the track. When our daughter entered grade
school she needed clothes, so I went to work again. The bills
were coming in fast and steady. I was forced to sell some of
my internal organs and a large skin patch from my scalp.
Q. What about your hair?
A. I'd sold that months before. It gave me a down payment
on a washer.
Q. Didn't you ever want to just stop and get into some other
profession?
A. No, like I said, I really enjoy this type of work. Besides
it was getting to the point where I couldn't have done
anything else.
Q. How so?
A. Well, by that time I'd sold my legs to a clinic doing
research in limb restoration and wasn't able to get around
without help.
Q. Did your wife help you to go to your jobs?
A. Yes, she became better about it over time. I guess every
marriage has a period of adjustment.
Q. And your daughter?
A. She's terrific. Such a beautiful little girl. She's in the
second grade now.
Q. So how have you been getting along lately?
A. Pretty well. I've got a few things lined up.
Q. You think you can keep going?
A. Oh, sure. I've got lots of good years ahead of me. The
marriage is getting better and I'm very satisfied with my
work.
Q. But you have so little left.
A. (*Laughs a little*) But you'd be surprised how much
there still is. My chin is healing. I'll be able to start selling
biopsy plugs from there soon. And I hear of this doctor
who is doing work in the dental nerve responses. Hell that
could give me thirty-two jobs if I played it right.
Q. You're not worried?
A. Not at all. I can still sell my brain tissue, or my eyelids.
Q. Your eyelids?
A. Sure. I know a guy who made thousands selling one eyelid.
The trick is to just sell one. That way you can still see the
money when they pay you.
Q. But what will you do when . . . everything's gone?
A. Oh, that won't be for a long, long time. And besides, as
far as money goes I've got some tucked away and I've been
getting my wife a few jobs. For instance, day before
yesterday she did some muscle exertion experiments. Got
paid fifty dollars.
Q. You don't think she might . . .
A. Can't tell yet. It's too early. But she'd be good, and the
money's very good.
Q. Keep it in the family.
A. Sort of. I could show her a lot. Who knows, maybe even
my daughter. I understand there's a big need for certain
brain fluids that can only be gotten from a child.
Q. That wouldn't bother your conscience?
A. Well, there may be a law you'd have to get around.
Q. I see.
A. With the kinds of allowances kids ask for today, she
should make all her own money.
Q. I'd like to ask you one last question.
A. Yes.
Q. What do you think of what you are doing? Morally, I
mean.
A. Morally? . . . Well, that's a good question. I've never
really thought about it. But I suppose it's kind of like
this. The world has lots of progress to make and it's people
like myself and now maybe my wife and daughter who make
it possible. We are the people of tomorrow, in a romantic
sense. Without us, others would have no chance.
I turned off my tape recorder and got my things together.
One year after the article came out, I heard from his
wife that he had died. Except it wasn't really like a death.
He hadn't stopped living. There was just nothing left.
Even now, at times, I play that interview tape late at
night and remember how happy he looked as he spoke. With
no body, and patches of raw skin covering his face, scalp,
and neck. For something as horrible as he was, he seemed to
have no regrets. Perhaps in some way, the more he gave up
the more he felt he had.
Sometimes, with all my pressures I can't help but feel
that I'm losing parts of myself. A little at a time. A
conviction here, an honesty there. It adds up. And you know I
really can't say anymore if I am any more crazy than he was.
"Conversation Piece": copyright © 1979 by Stuart David Schiff
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