In my earlier rant-post, excerpted below, which built on the themes of
Krishna's initiating rant-post, I wrote about things that I changed my
mind about in 2019 that were essentially pretty pessimistic.
So I'm just adding this footnote about one thing that I changed my mind
about in 2019 that is somewhat more optimistic, or at least
hopeful/forward looking.
CONTEXT:
I'm a USian, and as such, at age 67, now receive a monthly Social
Security stipend that is just about equal to my monthly mortgage
payment.
My wife retired a few years ago and she receives a monthly pension that
pretty much covers our other bills.
Our savings got wiped out 2008-2012, but I have since received a modest
inheritance from my parents' estate (Mom & Dad have both checked out in
the last 6 years).
We have lots of financial concerns & obligations, but, in a welcome
change, we are not now living in sheer terror of financial disaster.
We're OK.
Over the last several years — since spring 2013 — I've made my living
cobbling together occasional freelance technical writing jobs & doing
medium-skill, modest(low)-paying, physically-demanding work in the
construction industry. Mostly demolishing (parts or all of) old houses &
building (parts or all of) new ones. Also I've made a few thousand bucks
from my novels.
WHAT I'VE CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT
I have come to believe that the only occupation that makes sense for me
— financially, emotionally, spiritually, whateverally— is being a
self-publishing novelist/essayist/youtuber/podcaster/"personality."
Before 2019 I believed that my work as a novelist ( & etc) was a side
bet, as it were; something worth pursuing on the off-chance that I might
make some money at it, and also because it offered some opportunity for
personal fulfillment.
I now believe that my former approach was, essentially chickenshit. Or
if not chickenshit, then wrong, in any event. Maybe my earlier approach
(scrambling for freelance technical writing works and supplementing that
with lots of interesting but low-paying, dangerous, exhausting physical
labor) was wise before my wife & I had income from her pension & my
Social Security. But now those things are a stupid way for me to try to
make money. At best, it averages out to little more than minimum-wage
pay. The physical labor is dangerous in one way, and the technical
writing work (sitting in a chair all day doing stuff I hate) is
dangerous in other ways. And there is no possibility of any big payout,
ever.
So I'm done with all that. I'm never going to do freelance technical
writing, or construction labor (for anybody other than myself) ever
again.
By putting all my efforts into my career as a novelist (etc) I'm pretty
sure I can match the income of my working-class hero days. I hope to do
considerably better, who knows? And not only do I feel much more
satisfied (& much less stressed), doing this the "upside" potential is
vastly greater. Sure, I might be dreaming. But I don't care. As the
saying goes, If not now, when?
So after this long rambling email the point is: I've changed my mind
about how to best spend the next dozen or so years of my life. This
change in direction has made me a much happier man. And I think (I hope)
it's been better for my wife as well, as I was depressed before but am
not now.
jrs
On 2020-01-11 19:00, j...@wetmachine.com wrote:
My experience this year was similar to Krishna's (see post below).
With the following corollaries:
A) I changed my mind about the Republican Party in the USA; in
[. . .]
B) I've changed my mind about religion in general. I now think it's
all mostly bullshit, and more harmful than helpful. I think its time
has finally passed and that humans need to leave religion behind.
On 2020-01-09 05:29, Krishna Udayasankar wrote:
So this may seem obvious to many, but it was a fairly big deal for me
- to realise (actually, accept) that there are individuals who cannot
be moved by reason and logic - be it on political odayissues or
personal
issues. I suppose I'd always viewed their imperviousness as having
some limit, some breaking point, but I was forced to accept that I
might be chasing the infinite here (Was it Einstein who said...?)
[. . .]
-End of rant-
----------------------------------------
Krishna Udayasankar, PhD.
