A man takes his wife to the State Fair and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls. They come up to the first pen and there is a sign that says, This Bull mated 50 times last year. The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and says, He mated 50 times last year. They walked a little further and see another pen with a sign that says, This Bull mated 120 times last year. The wife hits her husband and says, That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him. They walk further and a third pen has a Bull with a sign saying, This Bull mated 365 times last year. The wife gets really excited and says, That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one. The husband looks at her and says.Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow. After nine surgeries and six years of therapy, the husband is now able to talk. It is hoped that someday he will walk again. You learn to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Amy Billman Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Messenger ID's: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [EMAIL PROTECTED] Aim: amyk0223 Skype: amyb0223 www.myspace.com/clutchfan74
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? GEORGE W BUSH We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here. COLIN POWELL Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. HANS BLIX We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. JOHN KERRY Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it! RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. PAT BUCHANAN To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American. RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paidfor by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross. MARTHA STEWART No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay --- isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. That's what they call it, the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. DR SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die in the rain. Alone. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was an historic inevitability. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? CAPTAIN KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before. SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads,but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? AL GORE I invented the chicken. THE BIBLE And God came down from heaven, and He said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing. COLONEL SANDERS Did I miss one? Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again.
Two little boys are sitting In the living room, watching TV with their parents. The mother looks over at the father with a wink and a nod toward upstairs. The father Gets the message, and they both get up and head towards the stairs. The mother turns back to the boys and says, We're going upstairs for a minute. You two stay here and watch TV, we'll be right back, ok? The two boys nod ok, and the parents take off upstairs. The oldest of the 2 boys is old enough to know what's going on now, and he gets up and tiptoes upstairs. At the top of the stairs, He peeks into his mom and dad's bedroom and shakes his head. He goes back downstairs to his little brother. Come with me, He says. The two little boys tiptoe up the stairs. Halfway up, the older brother turns to his brother and says, Now I want you to keep in mind, this is the same woman who used to bust our ass for sucking our thumb!! Amy Billman Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Messenger ID's: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [EMAIL PROTECTED] Aim: amyk0223 Skype: amyb0223 www.myspace.com/clutchfan74
Still good. A jumbo jet is making its final approach toTampa Airport. The pilot comes on the intercom, This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your Stay in the Tampa Bay area. He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot, So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're in Tampa? Well, says the Skipper, first I'm gonna check into the hotel, take a big crapthen I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long. Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot's talking about. Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says: No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta land the plane and take a shit first. When I was laying up dreaming, I felt like I could just stay there and dream forever. But that's the thing, it's a DREAM! And that's all it was gonna be if I kept my eyes closed and laid there. So, I opened my eyes, got up out of bed, came back to reality and went out and pursued my dreams. - Alex Butterfield Amy Billman Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Messenger ID: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Aim: amyk0223
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were Faithful and loving wives,however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the wine coolers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to do that. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst..my wife came home with no panties!! That's nothing said the other husband, Mine came to bed with a card stuck to her ass that said. From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you. When I was laying up dreaming, I felt like I could just stay there and dream forever. But that's the thing, it's a DREAM! And that's all it was gonna be if I kept my eyes closed and laid there. So, I opened my eyes, got up out of bed, came back to reality and went out and pursued my dreams. - Alex Butterfield Amy Billman Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Messenger ID: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Aim: amyk0223
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies,'I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you'. She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.' 'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that. #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.' The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic.' 'Ok' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child,' said the nun. 'Why are you crying?' 'Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish' The nun says, 'That's ok. My name is Mike and I'm going to a Halloween party.' Follow your bliss, and the universe will open doors where there were only windows. Joseph Campbell Amy Billman Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Messenger ID: [EMAIL PROTECTED]