Hmm.

Some thoughts from before and then this mail on 'atemporality'.
Together they resulted in a blog post. Slightly-vague. But what the
heck :). Here goes.



Mementos

The day's headline read in dark, black, thick font 'A giant leap for
womankind'. A part of me wanted to cut it out from the newspaper and
keep it inside an old diary.

Yes, I do have one.
A diary fully in black with brass fittings in its corners which bore
witness to a habit of writing even before the words came out fully
fleshed. Adolescent scribbles with ball-point pens. I open it once in
a few years and smile at the memories preserved there. It is a marker,
rather than a record.

And in a way, all writing has a way of marking.

I never cut out that newspaper story. Another part of me asserted
itself, saying that there will always be the link available at the
beck of a button calling out to search.

What would it be like to see that yellowed piece of paper thirty years
from now?

That shriveled and dried piece of paper. Its ragged edges
apologetically designed by a scissor manoeuvred with fingers more
accustomed to typing on plastic.
The same fingers holding it then would be shriveled and dried. The
veins etched under a translucent skin, the colour of creamy coffee
brewed right under the sun. Those veins gnarled and sunken, with time
pressing, oppressing. The beat flowing slows down. Bit by bit.
Then stalls.

The relationship we share with time is not measured by the hours
marked by the clock we invented to satisfy our urge to control. The
clock does offer a semblance of control, of order. Instead of being
stilled by a thought or struck by beauty, we shake ourselves and
glance at our wrists. And thoughts and beauty slowly loosen their
grip, till we lose them. Only the clock matters and becomes the before
and after.

They call it atemporal. The arrow of time loses its way inside the
Internet. Ordered events become meaningless because the events are too
many and the scale of the order is too tiny.

I don't control. I can't control. So, I drift. I drift to what catches
my fancy and drift some more. Adrift I search for solace. The paths
are so many and each time I follow on, I know there are many more
waiting, alluring. So, I just keep following. Something tells me, it
is the search that holds the key. Something else doesn't care. Just
throw the keys and drift for now, I say.

And I drift and come to the link with a different font saying "A giant
leap for womankind".

I imagine my long fingers thirty years from now, slightly shivering,
held aloft by hollow bones, typing the link out.
The screen glows. Or what perhaps is no more a screen.

But it is not yellowed. I don't need to whisper to the dust, cajoling
it to let go after having built its painstaking home on benign
neglect. I just need to gaze and the screen stares back.Or what
perhaps is no more a screen.

Mementos contain stories. I am accumulating markers that serve to
remind, without telling stories. The same blank wall, as clean as the
day it was painted.
Why do I itch to scratch it? Just a bit?

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